Comfortable with My Weight
By Faith, age 15, Indiana
Being thin seems to be on everyone's schedule nowadays, especially teens. It's not easy to have the perfect body that everyone loves! Believe me, I've been overweight all my life, and I've been through every horrible thing possible that has to do with weight! But I've realized through my short teen life that weight really isn't important. You might think I'm crazy for saying this, but it's true!
In public I might seem like the person with the most self-esteem, but inside I'm actually hiding what I'm really feeling or thinking. When my friends were here during summer break, I felt horrible about myself. I have always been bigger than my best friend, but this year I was even bigger. Aaahh!
That was really scary for me! But I made sure I didn't show that I was upset about it. I was always focused on spending time with my friends and having fun. If some stranger said something or looked at me weird I would always say something really random, like, "That guy is staring at me! He must think I'm hot!" or I would wave or do something retarded! I only did it so I wouldn't feel so bad about myself, and it turned out to work ... for a while.
When my friends came to my house for the summer my confidence kind of slipped. In our neighborhood there was this really huge guy (about 400 pounds) who lived down the street from us. He became friends with my family while I was away, so I decided to give him a chance and get to know him. He was a great kid and all, but when my friends and I would hang out with him during the day, the kids who lived around here would make fun of him. Of course, me being a good friend and feeling sorry for him, I would jump in and stop whatever they would say. The kids soon realized that making fun of him to his face wasn't such a good idea. So instead of talking about his weight in front of him they said it behind his back and when I wasn't around. That made me wonder what they would say about me. I always stood up for him though. Everyone soon thought I liked him, and that led to something which was really weird ... He tried to kiss me!! Aaahh!
By the way, I didn't like him. I always felt as huge as that kid, and that really made me feel horrible. But that all changed when I met another kid, Gabe. He lived down the street (yes, by that other kid). He was really cute. I really wanted to meet him. One day when my friends and I were outside, he noticed us and started talking to us. We got to know him really well over the next two weeks and we all ended up liking him!
He came over all the time and stayed the night with us (well, mostly with my brother). This happened for two nights. He flirted with my two friends more than with me and that made me feel really bad. I hated it that a guy I really liked didn't like me just because of the way I looked. And I made sure he knew that I didn't like it!
I was always mean to him, but I was really just jealous. He ended up going out with my friend Jennifer for a few weeks, then broke up with her because she was annoying him. Then he went out with my other friend Madison, but they broke up because Madison liked someone else. While he was going out with Madison, I was suddenly nice to him again. Then that's when he and I had this talk. I don't mean like a little chat ... we ended up talking for 3 hours! He was talking to me about how great of a person I am, how beautiful I was, and that my weight shouldn't be a problem in my life. When he told me that he almost died, I was shocked that a guy like him said that to me.
My confidence shot through the roof. After my friends left a few days later he asked me out!! OMG, I freaked out! Of course, I said yes. I know it's against the "girl code" to date your best friend's ex, but she didn't like him when she was dating him. Jennifer was just dating him because she just wanted to have something to talk about when she went back home. So I didn't really do anything wrong.
I soon learned that being skinny or smaller than I am isn't important. Just being myself is. Now that I realize that I'm a better person. I'm not depressed anymore or skipping meals to lose weight. Every once in a while I get a little upset when someone says something about my weight, but I don't let it ruin my day or my life. Every day is a new day, a new day to learn something new about myself or from someone else.
I've learned a lot in the past three months, and I am so glad and grateful that I meet Gabe, who's now my bf! He has helped me so much. Being overweight is just another stereotype in my book. I'm not going to let someone tell me who I am or am destined to look like. I can change that or stay the same way and feel great about myself. So do what you think you have to do, but remember to change for yourself, not for others.
