The "Accident"

By Jessica, age 17, Kansas

When I was thirteen - Halloween of 2003 to be exact - I came home from trick-or-treating to find my mom in tears. She and my dad had gotten into a fight. My mother liked men. She still does. As of that night she had been cheating on my dad for nine years ... cheating since before they were married. All of this painful information came at me at once and sent me into a state of depression. After I had turned fourteen I began thinking about dates. The date I was born. How old my half-brother was compared to myself. How old he was when my dad divorced his ex-wife ... and then it clicked. My dad and his ex were married until I was one year old.

Well ... what about my mom? I thought ... Her son, my other half-brother, was five when I was born ... and four when they divorced. Again, it clicked. They divorced right before I was born.

Where am I going with this? It turns out that my parents were guilty of cheating on their marriage partners, and I was conceived by accident, one of colossal proportions. I had destroyed two families. It took me two years after that to realize the resentment in my half-brother's and sister's eyes. They blamed me. Myself and my parents. My mom's son said it was all my dad's fault. My dad's son blamed my mom. One of my older sisters just blamed my being born. But it went deeper than that. My father's six brothers and sisters and all of his family excommunicated him for not having me aborted. I was the accident that disrupted the whole family. And I didn't meet any of my aunts or uncles until two of them died.

I'm seventeen now. I now know that it was not my fault. That took me four years to understand and believe. My parents made a mistake, and I believed for four years that I had made my brothers and sisters hate me.

One day I woke up late and had to ask my mom to take me to school. She was furious. No, I didn't do it often, and no, she didn't have big plans. She just didn't want to deal with it. She came screaming at me from the house. "You just ruin everything!" That image will stick in my head for the rest of my life. I burned myself. I started drinking. I even ran away. In what anger could a mother ever tell her child that she ruins everything?

But it was not my fault. If you have been through a parent's divorce, or you're a kid with only one parent or a result of an "accident" like me, never blame yourself. They didn't leave because of you, and you didn't mess things up. Their stupid decisions did. We seem to make those a lot, don't we? We are all so full of stupid decisions. Like calling your daughter a walking mistake. It's a stupid decision.

I was never an accident. I was the result of a stupid decision, but none of it was my fault. Don't blame yourself. In fact, don't blame your parents either. We all make stupid decisions.

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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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