By Sara V., age 16, New Jersey
My heart always seemed to flutter when the eyes of someone whose name I will not mention and mine met. No, he was not a boyfriend or a crush. He was the best friend anyone could ask for. I know I sound as if I am two years old, but that is what I felt. I loved him in a way that was strange. It was what we had, what I held closest to my heart, what to this day I still struggle to describe.
Sadly, however, he felt differently. He loved me more than words can explain, and I am sorry to say that he continues to have feelings I cannot and will never return. What's more, I was blind to the fact that he felt the way he did. Unfortunately, my blindness created a gap that has drawn us apart forever.
I felt the way he did, but not towards him. I felt these emotions for another friend, and that friend felt the same towards me. I kept these feelings hidden from my best friend for a reason unknown to anyone, including myself.
My best friend noticed in me that something wasn't the same. I had changed in his eyes. I guess he noticed I felt differently. He said nothing, but I knew he knew. He was who he was. He could see my thoughts, and I his. Over this he argued with me, and I argued back.
He was a brother to me. Now we barely speak because I could not return the passion he had for me. A notion came to me that we wouldn't last, that we would never be the same. I thought what we had would end, and it did. Our lives have taken us in two entirely separate directions.
I will never understand why he is where he is now. Likewise, he will never comprehend the decisions I have made for my life.
Since all this happened my life has been lived merely to please myself and a select few friends - the real ones. Sometimes I wonder if his crush was really worth the separation, but then I think of the words of a role model:
"You never really know someone, what lies behind the skin, their secrets or their lies."