Raped
By Sarah, age 17, Pennsylvania
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
I'm in college. I'm young, I know. But nonetheless I'm a month away from graduating college. At the beginning of college I started hanging out with this sweet, sensitive, and caring guy. I had a boyfriend whom I loved and wanted to stay with, but this guy seemed better. I was torn between the two. I told the guy I was dating (Matt) that I was crushing on this other guy and I couldn't understand why. I knew that Matt loved me greatly and I knew that I loved him just as much. But something about this other guy just intrigued me. I couldn't get enough of him. So we started talking for hours on the phone and hugging and just being together.
Then one night I was invited to a party. I said, "Sure, why not?!" I was so excited. First party. First beer.
Chilling at the campfire led to me getting drunk. Me getting drunk led to me passing out. Me passing out led to the guy turning into a total jerk and taking advantage of the situation. I didn't want it to happen.
I liked him, yeah. But I didn't like him that much. So anyway, I regained consciousness when he had finished. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go home. My parents would kill me if they found out I was drinking and sleeping at a guy's house (which in the end they found out and home life has been miserable since).
I was scared. I wanted to leave, but I didn't. I got up the next morning, said goodbye, and left. A couple weeks later I decided I needed to tell Matt what had happened. I was miserable. I cried all the time. I felt used and abused. I didn't know what to do. So one day I told Matt, and things went downhill from there. He was mad, angry, upset, furious. I was sure he hated me for everything.
Even so he gave me a chance to explain myself. I went to his house. I cried my eyes out and told him that I was sorry. I told him that I didn't want it to happen, that I would never deserve him, and that he had every right to dump me.
My boyfriend Matt & I
He didn't. HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! He forgave me.
He still loves me. And we are still together and in love, and it's stronger than ever. There are some really amazing guys out there.
Guys are hard to read. They may seem genuine, but they might not be. You have to be careful. Get to know them, and even then it might not be enough. You can't trust everyone. If a guy is ever super nice to you and tells you he wants to be with you, but doesn't want to break you and your boyfriend up (which is what that guy told me), he's probably just trying to get in your pants. Too bad I didn't see it coming. I thought I could trust him. He seemed so nice. Boy was I wrong.
Now the problem is I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I hold it against myself and I use it to motivate me to be a better girlfriend for Matt. He deserves it. Sometimes I still cry about it. Sometimes I still go into depression about it. It makes me feel horrible and dirty to think about it. But I know that talking to people about it makes me feel so much better.
If this has happened to you tell someone. Talk to people. Let them know what's going on. You'll feel better about things.
