My Unforgettable Past

By Elaura, age 16, California

Many people say that the past is the past, and to never look back. I think that no matter what you can't ever forget your past and where you came from. You are who you are today because of the choices you made in your past.

Growing up I made a lot of really dumb and bad choices. I grew up in a bad neighborhood and my parents were never around. I had my first drink of alcohol when I was 10. The first time I ever got high was at the age of 12. I went to my first house party when I was 13. I began hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was getting into fights before I was in high school. I got involved in bad and illegal things. I was lost. I was trying to find myself. I didn't know who I was anymore.

Then one tragic thing happened to me that opened my eyes. I was 14 years old and I had a boyfriend who was 17. He was not a good influence on me, or maybe I wasn't a good influence on him. I thought I was in love with him. I wasn't sure of that yet. One Friday night he threw a party at one of his friends' houses. It was probably around 10 'o clock when I arrived. Of course, the first thing I did was look for my boyfriend. I couldn't find him anywhere downstairs. So I headed upstairs. There were a couple of people standing around. As I was making my way down the hallway, I opened the bedroom doors to see if he was in one of them.

I opened the last door in the hallway, and what I saw I cannot even begin to describe. My heart fell out of my chest. My hands began to shake and tears rolled down my cheeks. I found what I was looking for, but in a situation I did not expect. I walked in on my so-called boyfriend having sex with somebody who was supposed to be my friend. I was so full of hatred; I had never felt that before.

In my state of shock I just walked out of the room. I stopped in the middle of the hallway realizing what I had just seen. I turned around and she came up to me. She had fake tears in her eyes, telling me how sorry she was. She was so drunk it was ridiculous. She repeatedly tried to hug me, but I just kept pushing her away. And my boyfriend pulled her away from me and he started to apologize. After his apology he told me he loved me. Hearing him say that was like turning on the crazy button. I punched him in the face. Since he was drunk he fell to the floor. The girl kneeled down to him and was holding him. I was furious, but I wasn't going to let them win. I would have normally knocked the girl out. I don't know why I didn't. I just went home.

My whole life changed after that night. I never picked up another bottle. I never came into contact with marijuana. I closed myself off from the world. I locked my feelings inside and never let anybody in. This is my first time actually telling somebody about this. I changed because I wanted to become better than them. I refused to let them win. I was so hurt for the longest time. It took me a year to finally get over the pain they left me with. I didn't trust anybody until I met my boyfriend Luis. I don't know why, but I let him in.

I am a different person than who I was two years ago. I have been sober for a really long time. I haven't been to a party since that night. I am focusing and doing well in school. I am a better person. All the mistakes I made in my past I will never forget because they made me who I am today. No matter how strange it is, I am glad he hurt me the way he did. If he didn't hurt me like that I would not have changed for the better and I would not have met the love of my life.

So I just want to say that no matter how much trouble you are facing there is a way out. Something better will always come along. You can't forget where you came from because it makes you who you are. If you have ever been hurt in the past don't hold a grudge. You can forgive, but never forget.

"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness." - Robert Muller

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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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