Why Am I With Him!?!?
By Rebecca, age 20, Wisconsin
One day as I walked down the hallway of my school with my boyfriend I noticed myself looking toward him and really trying to find something I still liked about him. Of course, he thought everything was still the same because I showed no signs of lost interest. But the thought of me being with him without actually liking him anymore really bothered me. It was as if I were with a total stranger whom I just met. It was really hard for me even to look at him in the eye and tell him what I was feeling.
Sure, I didn't like him anymore, but I also didn't want to risk losing such an amazing person. I had grown so used to the fact that he was there each step of the way, that he had slowly become a part of my daily routine. At this point I couldn't even picture myself without him for one day. The mere fact of even losing him caused me to panic. I guess I didn't want him with me, but I also didn't want to lose him, that is, to lose having his attention all the time. I have to face it ... I was a bit selfish. Ok, maybe a lot more selfish than I would have liked, but it was a dilemma for me.
Then one day I sat in my class and really looked at my situation and analyzed it. I was with him for all the wrong reasons. Being with him and not feeling anything did take a toll on me. It made me unhappy because I wasn't satisfied emotionally. I was with him because I was used to his presence and his constant attention. I wasn't with him because my feelings were genuine. It was more or less not wanting to be lonely.
As time passed I noticed that I wasn't happy and neither was he due to the changes in my attitude. When it got to the point I couldn't take it anymore I had to let him go. It was hard, but it was for my own good ... and his.
Here's what I've learned: We should be with someone because there are mutual feelings between them and us. It's not fair to have a lopsided relationship, not fair to us or to our partner. No one likes giving all they have and the other person not even meeting us halfway. Beware of the foundation that a relationship is based on. Never do it for the wrong reasons.
Never have a relationship with anyone for the following reasons:
♥ Just because you want to fit in
♥ You don't want to be lonely
♥ You like the attention
♥ You think you like someone (thinking is not the same as being sure)
♥ To boost your popularity status
♥ You feel insecure
♥ You need someone to push around or to help you recover from another bad relationship (a relationship founded on another bad one has bad consequences)
The list can go on and on, but I'll stop with these. They seem to be the most common excuses. Whatever happened to going out with someone because we actually feel something for that person?!?!
We should go out with someone because we feel comfortable, we feel at peace, and our world makes sense, all positive reasons to be with someone. But above all we have to have feelings, not unsure feelings. Love is many things, but it is never unsure! It is not a maybe thing; you either feel it or you don't.
Besides, why be with someone you have no real interest in and risk missing out on someone totally amazing just because you didn't want to lose something you were used to?! If you find yourself in this situation end it! Call things off on good terms. Instead of losing a boyfriend think of it as gaining a friend (if you do things the right way).
Remember, other people have feelings too. Always try and keep that thought in mind before you initiate or end a relationship! If you go out with someone just for the heck of it you run the chance of being hurt and/or hurting someone else. It's better to be single than in a bad relationship!
