By Kimberly, age 18, CaliforniaThere is a time when everyone has some type of depression for one reason or another. I was never the shy girl in high school, nor the nerd. In fact, I was a very outgoing person who was involved in a lot of activities. Still I did have my depression stage, and it happened during my senior year of high school.
I have had various times during my life up to that point where I was depressed, but senior year the depression started to take over my life in a negative way. Halfway through senior year I started feeling really unhappy about everything in my life. I felt that I was not pretty at all, and I really started to feel lonely, and like I had no one else in the world who understood me and I could go to if I need someone to talk to. The pain that I was feeling was something that I can't really explain in words, but it was a pain that made me very weak. I would always put up a front with my friends and family because I didn't want them to worry about me, but really inside I was dying. I felt like I was so alone, and I cried alone every night because I felt so horrible about myself and had so many negative thoughts about myself.
My friends would try to help me, but it was not enough. In my head I thought that no boy would ever want me because I didn't have big boobs or a big butt or because my teeth weren't straight, and that I was going to be alone forever.
It had gotten to a point where I wanted to end my life because the pain was too much for me to handle anymore, and I thought if I were dead that maybe the pain would go away. The method I chose to end my life with was pills. One night I took a lot of them, and I figured that when I would go to sleep that I would not wake up in the morning. As I took the pills I was texting to one of my really good friends whom I consider my older brother. Once he figured out what I was doing and I told him that I was going to sleep he went ahead and called 911.
At that point I was very scared because I didn't want my parents to know what I had done, but there was no choice. I had to tell them because the ambulance was on the way to my house. After I told my parents that the ambulance was coming, they got really scared and worried, and could not believe what I had done. Not really caring at that point, I was just waiting for them to come, and once they did, they asked me all types of questions, and then they took me to the hospital.
Once at the hospital I started to feel really guilty that I wanted to take my own life, but at the same time I still didn't feel good about myself at all. The hospital ended up letting me go at 2:00 am because it was my first time harming myself and they did not feel I would be a harm to myself anymore.
The Aftermath of Almost Killing Myself
The fact that I had tried to kill myself greatly affected my relationships with the a lot of my friends and my family. They were all really scared, and the day after I tried to kill myself I went to school and everyone was so happy to see me. I honestly could not believe how much they loved me and actually wanted me there to hang out with them and to just be there. All that time I'd felt all alone and like I had no one at all, but really I had friends, family, and an amazing play brother who all still wanted me around.
To this day I still suffer with my depression, and I still deal with the guilt that I have from trying to kill myself, but I deal with it better than I did a year ago.
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, just be there for them and let the person know what you aren't going away. That really helps a lot, because for me that was the one thing that made me not kill myself.
And direct them to some help so they won't go through the same pain that I did.