Sarah's Love Triangle
By SDM Staff
Many of us have been caught up in a love triangle in one corner or another - the person with two possible partners and a choice to make (like Sarah), this person's current partner, or the "new" love interest. What should she do? What would you do?
Read Sarah's story: "We All Can't Get Along".
Sarah's article prompted some advice and feedback from some of our Sweet Designs writers who got an advance peek. Here's what they had to say:
Like you said, you're a person who wants attention. I think reconnecting with Jared was something new and exciting, and you got the chance to flirt and have all eyes on you - something you haven't had in a while. It's something you want to have, and you have it with Jared.
Honestly, it seems like your relationship with Scott is just running its course. I know you have talked about marriage with him, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? You are already suffering. Why should you continue to suffer? It just seems like things are getting stale - freshen up your lives. That doesn't mean you have to end it with Scott, but you should at least talk about how you feel to him. If he's willing to make an effort to change things, then see what happens and how things go. If not, maybe it's time for you both to move on with your lives. It's not the end forever; you could both end up going back to each other. You never know.
You should also talk to Jared about how you feel. Let him know the situation you are in. Tell him you don't want to get too involved until you figure out what YOU want. You can't make both men happy. In the end, what it comes down to is you. It's not selfish at all. Do you really want to be miserable? You should do what makes you happy.
Whatever it is you decide to do though, I really hope you at least talk to both men about this. Communication, in my opinion, is one of the most important things in a relationship. If you can't tell people how you feel and discuss problems in hopes of getting past them, where does that get you? Nowhere. A lot of things left unsaid. No one wants that.
I hope you do what makes you happy and I hope you will always be happy in the decisions you make. Don't let life (and men) drag you down. You have every right to be happy. Go for it.
Kate F, age 17, New Hampshire
With your situation I would take a step back from it all. You love Scott, and he obviously loves you, or at least says he does. But love isn't just about what words come out of our mouths; it's a whole lot more. It's the actions you make towards your partner. Scott has you doing pretty much everything for him, and he is rarely doing stuff for you. A true relationship takes equal give and take from each person. You as a woman can't keep giving; it'll only wear you out till you have nothing left. Scott's love seems to be the extent of you as his servant. Jared seems to take equal part in the relationship with you. He not only says his feelings towards you, but shows them constantly with actions. Jared seems to understand what it's like to be committed in a relationship. He seems to want to make things work with you, and you two seem to correspond greatly together.
You love Scott, but his love for you seems completely different. Jared seems to be on the same page as you. He wants the same things, and knows what it takes to make things work. My advice is to see which guy is willing to go the extra mile to keep you. Which guy constantly shows you his love, and not just with words? Which guy takes steps to make you the center of his world? I believe Jared is the answer to both of these.
Don't be afraid to hurt someone - just worry about yourself. Find which guy will make you happier. Don't hurt yourself in the process; do what's best for you, and only you. Whichever man you chose, the other I am sure has gone through being dumped, and will soon enough be fine. It's you and your happiness that counts the most in this situation.
Kyleen, age 16, Arizona
I think that you should get with Jared because he treats you the way you want to be treated and you like that feeling. Your current boyfriend is just taking advantage of you, and he doesn't know what's he has until he loses it. He never has time for you. So, in my opinion, I think you should be with Jared. Trust me, he's the one.
Elizabeth, age 14, New York
Editor's Note: Just this week, a month after writing her article, Sarah sent me this note.
Well, after a couple of weeks of stressing over this, seeing Jared maybe once a week, I decided what I really needed to do. I had such great times with Jared, laughing and just talking. We got along so great and there was so much initial attraction, but I couldn't be with him. There was just something about him that I couldn't stand. Maybe it was the way he always agreed with me or always offered to do everything for me. I know he was just being thoughtful, but I like to think of myself as being independent, and him being that way was almost insulting. The thing that really did it was I talked to Scott about breaking up and how it would affect "us", and I came to realize that I don't want to be without him. I can't imagine even waking up without knowing he loved me.
I mean, don't get me wrong, Jared is great. Breaking it off with him was so incredibly hard. I practiced in my car on the way over and I started crying. Then when I was at his house it took me 4 hours of rambling to finally get to the point. Then we said our final goodbyes, and I went on my way. On the way home he texted me that he would never forget me and that he'll always cherish the time we had together, and I felt like I'd made the wrong decision. I thought I had messed it all up, and I felt upset. And then Scott called me, and I KNEW I did the right thing. I'm glad it's all straightened out.
Sarah, age 18, Pennsylvania