A Misanthropist's Grocery List
By Mariah, age 15, Minnesota
I need an inoculation of artificial happiness.
- Eh, it'll probably only hurt for a second - the happiness, not the inoculation.
I need Novocain.
- Go to dentist when done shopping - bring $70.
I need a dose of reality.
- Doctor said to take 7 capsules every hour - call him in the morning.
I need a steel trapezoid to remind myself I'm still alive.
- Head to Hardware Department - ask for X-Acto.
I need an enabler.
- Call Susan and see if she would be up for the task.
I need endorphins. (picture a strikeout here)
- Screw it - not possible with X-Acto.
I need a fix.
What's my vice, you ask?