Life Through the Eyes of a Preskooler
By Mariah, age 15, Minnesota
Wouldn't it be grand to go back in time? The three through six age range enticed me greatly through my earlier years. Back then, life was simpler. The greatest fears you most likely had involved either losing a tooth, the neighbor's scary chihuahua who nips, or the thought of getting either a time out or a spanking if you threw a fit 'cause your parents wouldn't let you buy that Barbie doll or Hot Wheels car set that occupied the highest shelf at Toys 'R' Us, just out of reach of your barely 4-foot tall frame.
You were often awestruck by the little things, like bubbles dancing through the air as they sporadically popped right in front of your very eyes, or finding out you were small enough to ride on the back of the neighbor's dog like a horse. (No, I've never done that myself, but I've heard some stories ...) Personally, I was never a big fan of bubbles. Somehow, they would always end up popping in my face. I swear I must have been farsighted as a young child.
I miss the good ol' days ... when it was safe to color outside of the lines, spill flour all over the kitchen, and give the neighbor's dog or even your sibling a free haircut. When the worst thing Heather or Tommy could say to you was "Shut up" or "You can't play with us."
Now, however, a majority of children, adolescents, and young adults who belong to Generation Y and Generation Y2K, I guess you could call us, are procrastinating, lazy, selfish, arrogant, rude, impractical, immoral, close-minded, ignorant, and materialistic barbarians from Planet Orange County, with considerably minute attention spans.
The only thing on our mind consists of either purchasing a wardrobe worth more than someone's annual salary or complaining about how hard we have it, how much our life sucks, and how "we all just wanna be big rock stars and live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars. The girls come easy, and the drugs come cheap. We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat."
Yeah, I basically just insulted myself, but I'll live, as I brew my fresh hot cup of hypocrisy. We need to END this stereotype and revert back to simpler times.
"I have to write a five page essay, and it's due in a week!"
"I'm calling in sick 'cause I have the worst cold ever."
"I got grounded. My life is over."
"I got a D on my test."
"They cancelled The Hills!"
"They can't make me run the mile in Phys. Ed."
*drops object on floor*
"Eh, someone else will clean it up. Why should I have to?"
"I'm not going swimming for gym - the chlorine will dry out my hair."
"Why pay for college when I can buy these insanely cute shoes?!"
*a month later*
Seventeen says these shoes are out of style. Better go buy some more!"
"I wish I were that pretty/skinny/beautiful/gorgeous/ripped/muscular/hot ..." (You don't normally come across people who want to be smarter. I find that very rare, and because of this, we need to get our priorities straight.)
If you're lucky, when you start climbing over that huge hill and come across Mid-life Crisis Peak in your brand spankin' new Italian leather shoes, you may still have that end-of-the-alphabet cup size, those monstrous biceps, or enough 6-packs to run Budweiser out of business, but thanks to society, that's all that matters! Why have an IQ of 130 when you would rather have A NEW CAR!?
*brought to you by The Price is Right*
Life gradually appears to be increasingly complicated due to our failure to see how out of control we have become as humans. The Y2K scare is coming true, and honestly, I am terrified of how our world will turn out once our generation becomes the main inhabitant of this finite planet.
"My job got outsourced to India. I don't know how I'm going to financially support my family." Why is this my problem?
"Bernie Madoff made off with my life savings." Who's Bernie Madoff?
"The bank owns my house 'cause I couldn't pay back my home loans." What are they talking about?
"I lost my home in the flood, and everything in it. I lost my pictures, and the place I grew up, and I'll never be able to resurrect the memories." Cry me a river, I still have my new car ...
Instead of fighting over a box of crayons with Heather and Tommy, we'll be nuking each other 'cause Oprah told us to ...
Now, repeat after me ... "On my honor, I will not try, but rather succeed, in serving myself and others, justifiably so by my own laws. If I spot a law or social manner that does not seem right, I will change said law or social manner with frequent sit-ins, and violent means of protesting that may involve the use of Molotov cocktails, although I am not recommended to do so unless there is no other choice. I will yell at the materialistically inclined for caring too much about their nail beds and the balance of their credit cards and checking accounts, and tell them to join the Peace Corps to make something of themselves, rather than simply existing to waste oxygen and potentially asphyxiate us all with their frequent exhalations of carbon dioxide. And, unless they can contribute to this world in some way, shape or form, besides benefitting our economy, they will be banished from this godforsaken planet as they are relentlessly stepped on by throngs of passersby with massive Jimmy Choo pumps. Irony will always prevail!"
Note to reader: I am not exaggerating.