Baby, Don't Break My Heart Slow
By Pamela, age 25, South Africa
Anyone who knows the lyrics to an old song, "Baby, Don't Break My Heart Slow", redone recently by Taylor Swift, knows what a guy can do to a girl when he pulls a Houdini. Let me explain. When a guy doesn't want to be with you anymore, he doesn't sit you down and tell you this to your face. He doesn't say, "I'm just not that into you". Instead he pulls a Houdini - a vanishing act, except without the cape and rabbit. A Houdini is when he stops calling, stops visiting, and/or deliberately avoids any contact you make, hoping that somehow you will psychically know that he is trying to break up with you. Of course, this is a generalization. Some guys are excluded from this analogy. But many guys either simply avoid the girls they want to stop seeing like the plague or invent excuses that even Jessica Simpson would see through.
This is when it's clear that "men are from Mars and women are from Venus". The Venusians ask each other, "If a Martian is just not that into you, then why doesn't he just say that?" It's not like he has laryngitis and can't speak (even if he tells you that). Even if he did actually have laryngitis, he could always write it down or use hand signals - anything! Is it that hard to utter six tiny little words?
When you finally do run into the Martian or get hold of him, why does he have to lie and say that his grandmother died or his cell phone was stolen containing all his numbers? Once a guy I was dating didn't contact me for a week, and when I finally did hear from him, his excuse was that a drunk guy in a club had grabbed his cell phone and deleted all his numbers! I've always wondered how he knew what my number was when he finally did contact me. Coincidence? I think not. Do guys think we're that gullible? Apparently, yes.
Taylor Swift sings, "You would run around and lead me on forever, while I wait at home still thinking we're together". According to "relationship experts", guys will do and say absolutely anything to avoid having to utter those six dreaded words. They will put in a huge amount of effort making up stories ... or should I say lies? He will say anything he can think of to avoid looking like a bad guy and having to talk about feelings. This is when he says things like, "I don't know who I am or what I want" or "I can't give you what you deserve". Ever heard those lines? Or, he says he needs to break up because he's going overseas for a long time, only to run into him six months later in the supermarket with his new supermodel girlfriend.
Guys think they're being "kind" by not telling us to our faces that they aren't into us anymore so they won't hurt our feelings. They think it's easier if they just let the relationship fade away like it never happened. This relationship amnesia may be easier for them, but it's harder for us. He gets to start a new life, like he joined the witness protection program, while we wonder if maybe he really did join the witness protection program, and that's why he hasn't called.
The worst thing about a break-up for a girl is the mystery. If we don't know what the reason for the break-up is, we obsess over every little thing we've ever said or done. We wonder if it was the way we looked, or that we made him watch High School Musical too many times.
Another thing is, if a guy doesn't actually break-up with a girl, but instead pulls a Houdini, she doesn't know the relationship is over, and this prolongs the pain. For the guys who are reading this - please do the next girl you want to break up with a favor - tell her the truth. If she knows the truth then she can get over the relationship much easier and faster and make some positive changes for her next relationship. It's better for a girl to deal with the hurt immediately rather than months later when it will hurt more after all the lies and wasted time.
I'd rather you be mean than love and lie,
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye,
I'd rather take a blow, at least then I would know,
But baby don't you break my heart slow.