By April, age 26, New Jersey
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
i try to find different ways to write the same thing. as if you would ever put yourself through the same. i find myself thinking of you most in the car when the radio is playing a sweet rhyme that reminds me of you. i know all the things i would say to you if you were sitting next to me, to the point where i almost start talking to myself as if you were there, beside me, hanging on to every word. i can't keep going like this. i deserve better than this. i sometimes wonder if you do.
i have all the same questions as any girl would in my position. i'd like to think i'm not alone. i'd like to think you feel the same. that you have tiny moments throughout your day when you go to speak to me, and i'm not there. when you go to send me a text, and realize you no longer have my number. or to drop that quick email, just to remember you would be breaking a promise. you were my strongest habit. my most powerful addiction. and i'm afraid it will take me the rest of my life to recover from you.
and knowing that, i realize that my hobby, my passion, has become my biggest enabler. words can help or heal, move you through or you keep you locked in one place, one time. i am frozen by my own words. my writing, which has become one of my greatest sources of cleansing, is my biggest foe. and for the first time, i now understand, there is only one thing left to do. one choice to make...i never realized the biggest part of me would be the shortest chapter i would write...it's time for me to grow up. and with that, there is only one thing left for me to do. i need to end the story of you.