Cutting: Letter to Myself

By Gia, age 18, Florida
Sweet Designs Staff Intern
Sweet Designs Featured Writer

Featured Gold Star Writer BioSDM Staff Intern

Dear myself,

Disappointment is a hard word to crack. Especially to someone like me. I wish everyone would understand what it's like to have a disease. Yes, I may not have been born with in it in my genes, but it's still inside.

For the first time, after relapsing numerous times before, something inside has changed. That rush, that urge to cut after that first one, never came. As I watched the blood come through the slice I made on my upper right thigh, I remembered something ... the boy who loves every part of this person. Cutting is a selfish act; one tat took over my life for too many years. The scar is this pink color now; I won't look at it for too long.

We've gone though this song and dance too many times before. I can't sacrifice my relationship, my health, and who I'm becoming because of this monster. Yes, I become a monster. For the first time, after I cut, I wrote. None of it makes sense, but I did.

I need to find a better release. Something positive. It doesn't matter how many people wish you get better or want you to fight the voice in your head - it's you. You are letting those voices take over your life, making you a slave to an inanimate object.

I may not ever get over this disease, and I've accepted that. Cutting won't define me anymore. Will I relapse again? I may, but I'm going to try like hell not to. This time I've got my heart to lose.

I'm not disappointed in what happened because when the tension become too much, it's bound to manifest into something. But no more negativity. I love me and everything I've had happen and will happen. It's time to say goodbye to the monster for good.


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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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