Ivy League or Bust
By Kate, age 15, Pennsylvania
If I am not admitted into a prestigious Ivy League institution, my life is over, and I will become a loser who lives in her parents' basement until she is forty-five. This is a fact.It is quite obvious that getting into these colleges is effortless. I have gained this knowledge from watching television programs like Gossip Girl, which portray beautiful socialites who spend their time sipping cocktails in France. It seems that all of them have managed to get into both NYU and Columbia, despite the fact that they do few (or no) extracurricular activities, get mediocre grades, and have never heard of a summer job. Once at these schools, they seem to have no time for academics, instead choosing to focus on gaining admission into one of the many extremely selective secret societies.
I would laugh at how unrealistic these shows are, except that all my parents' friends got into Ivy League schools, or small liberal arts colleges that are widely considered to be just as good. I don't understand how they achieved this. My mother attended Barnard, and she was not on a single sports team for the entire duration of high school. Still, she managed to get into a great college.
I am aware that it is much harder to be admitted to colleges now. Unfortunately, this fact is irrelevant, because all of my cousins go to colleges that are bound to wow any potential future employers. I am constantly receiving emails about two of my cousins in particular, whom I believe are robots. They are deleted as soon as I see them, so as not to provoke some sort of anxiety attack. However, I cannot help but notice that my dear cousins attend Stanford and Dartmouth, respectively. To top this off, I am exactly the same age as another one of my cousins, who somehow managed to keep up a 4.0 GPA while she was in the hospital for brain surgery. If I do not end up attending an amazing school, I will have completely failed in all aspects of life.
And yet I am never going to get into any of these colleges, because I consistently get Bs in every class. I have tried to make up for this by joining as many extracurricular activities as I can, including Student Government, Connections, Worship and Ministry (my school is extremely Quaker), Mock Trial, Math Club, and both school plays. However, my athletic skills are nonexistent, which proves that no college will never admit me. I will probably end up living in a cardboard box beside a highway, begging for spare change from my far more successful relatives, who will drive by in stretch limousines.
I do have a Plan B, of course. It involves marrying Cristiano Ronaldo. It's very realistic. I think it will happen, probably.
