I Like My BFF's Guy;
She Treats Him Like Crap
By Clarissa, age 21, Texas
It's the traditional "I like my best friend's boyfriend" situation, but it's a little different. My friend went off to university about an hour away and started treating her boyfriend like crap, like barely speaking to him and giving very blunt answers to questions. He keeps talking to me about it, and asking me for advice, and I have been there with him through it all and doing the right thing and giving him the best advice I could think of. Then, two weeks ago, she wanted to go on a break, which they did, and then things just got worse between them, and then they broke up today. He is devastated, and all through this I have been suppressing feelings for him, and I don't know what to do, 'cause he said he could see himself having kids with her, and it just makes me a little sad every time I hear him say that! What do I do??
I think a lot of readers will be able to identify in some way with your question. Whether they are the friend who has had a crush on her friends boyfriend or if she is the girl who has had her best friend fall for her man. Deep down I think you probably know what to do, but sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else; that is where I come in.
First things first, we have to talk about the meaning of girl code. Just a refresher, this pretty much means hands off any guy that your friend has ever liked, gone out with, or stalked from a distance. This can suck pretty bad if you both have the same taste in people, but it's a rule that has stopped a lot of catfights and unnecessary drama. That being said, you kind of have to be realistic about the situation. What if you were to be completely honest with your friend and with the guy? It sounds as though he is still really crazy about her, so really you have to ask yourself what would he have to offer you?
Also, your friend ... how do you think she would respond to hearing that you are crushing on her guy and have been giving him advice about their relationship? I can't speak for her, but I'm sure there will be a lot of trust issues and it will more than likely change the friendship. The way that I have painted the scenario seems pretty bleak, but if it pans out this way you could be left without both the guy and your friend. I can promise you there are more fish in the sea, but it's hard to find true friends, so keep that in mind while you are deciding what to do.
Ok, so I'm kinda the shy girl around some people, but if you get to know me I'm the exact opposite. I play the trombone which is kinda geeky. I picked it 'cuz I went through this phase when I was younger that I didn't want to be girly, but now that I have gotten more mature I'm more girly, but not too, too girly.
Well, anyway, I usually have a few crushes at a time. A lot of girls at my school constantly have that gorgeous guy wrapped around their arms, and I want that. I have only had one boyfriend and it was really awkward. He was shorter than me, but I didn't care - it was just too weird 'cuz he was like one of my best friends, so we went back to being just friends. I'm not trying to be desperate, but it makes me upset that it seems all the other girls can get that guy and I can't. I know boys aren't everything, but ... idk.
First and foremost, I have to give you your props for playing the trombone. I happen to find it very bad-ass and not in the least bit geeky. You have a special talent that is unique and special, so keep it up. Your instrument choice is actually interesting because it's not the norm, so I'm going to make an assumption and say that I don't think you are the typical girl. These days that is a good thing so I hope you take it as a compliment.
I was never really the girl who had guys panting over her, and it used to bother me as well. I would wonder what was so special about the other girls or what was wrong with me that I could not have a boyfriend every other week if I wanted to. One day I just stopped worrying about it and I focused on myself. My grades improved, I started paying more attention to my hair and little womanly details, and I really started to feel confident in the person I was. The key element in this was that I was doing it for myself and not for anybody else. That's when the magic happened - I had boys flocking to me left and right. What I want you to take away from this is that every girl will have her Cinderella moment. It might not happen in the time frame that we want, but, as the saying goes, "patience is a virtue." Wait for someone who sees the value in you and gives you those butterflies that start deep down in your stomach and come back every time he looks at you. Trust me, it's worth the wait.