My Favourite Year
By Mckayla, age 16, Canada
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
I started off 2010 just like any other year, hoping and wishing that things would go well, hoping to make some new changes. Before 2010, I went through life with a negative view; I was scared of everything and worried too much. My mental state wasn't good and I was basically ruining my life. I had been through a lot of personal problems with family and friends. I was mad that all my friends were moving on so fast with everything and I was stuck in the past. I knew that when 2010 came around I wanted change so I set a New Year's resolution: I was going to change my ways and help myself.
The first thing I worked on in 2010 was my attitude, the way I saw life. I had some anxiety problems that made me the way I was - this I knew for sure - so I went to my doctor to see exactly what was wrong with me so I could fix it. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (G.A.D.) and was later put through group therapy with people my age. I spent every Wednesday night for two months talking to a professional and other teens about my anxiety problems and finding ways to fix it. I was overwhelmed and nervous with the news that I had G.A.D, but extremely proud I was doing something good for myself. When all of this was going on, I started getting close with a boy I was friends with, and he helped me.
This boy was my first love, the first boyfriend who actually meant something, my first kiss, and first heartbreak. We started talking in April. We hung out and eventually we gained feelings for each other. We became boyfriend and girlfriend in May. He put me first and gave me all of his attention. He made me happy, but when I wasn't around him I was sad about my anxiety problems. I started not caring about our relationship, and in the beginning of June he broke up with me. I didn't know what heartbreak felt like until then, and it was the worst thing I have ever experienced emotionally.
A few weeks later I started feeling better. The hurt started to fade, but my feelings remained for him and even continued growing to the point where I was in love. My anxiety was getting better and I was finally done with the group therapy program. I received a certificate showing that I successfully completed the program and I was very happy with myself.
As the months went on, things continued looking up. It was the summer holidays and I was spending a lot of time away from home with friends. I wasn't as negative or fearful as I had been before, so I started taking risks and doing things out of my comfort zone (but not bad things). At the end of August I went with Mackenzie, my twin sister, and my aunt and uncle to a town near ours. We had booked a plane ride that showed the bay in our area. I was scared of heights and planes, but I did it. The feeling to be up in the air, looking at the islands of the bay, was the most amazing thing ever. I was proud that I was facing a fear and not letting my anxiety get to me. It was a great way to end my summer. Summer 2010 was the best year of my life so far.
When summer ended, school started up again in September. I was a little nervous about this. I was starting my second to last year which meant I had to start getting serious about my classes since they would help me get into college, but I had confidence and still have confidence that I can pass everything. A few weeks into school, near the end of September, another boy started talking to me. I had known him since the beginning of grade 9, but we never really spoke. We were always around each other because we shared the same friends. He and I started to hang out a lot and we gained feelings for each other.
The relationship I had with this boy was very different from how it was with the first boy. This new boy was very on and off. One week he would want to be with me and talk to me all the time and the next he would be distant. When we were together he showed a lot more affection towards me than the first boy did. He did make me happy, but he started hurting me emotionally. I wasn't used to the on and off attention. I was used to being put first. I wanted to be more than friends, but he kept making me wait and making excuses. He was also slightly controlling and got mad at the littlest things, so I started to miss my first love. I continued with this unhealthy relationship for two whole months, but I had to make a decision, and that decision was to let him go, as much as I didn't want to. It wasn't a breakup, but it broke my heart to let go of something and give up on someone. I'd worked so hard at making our relationship work.
This brings me to today. This past year I have learned so much. There is more than what is listed, but I feel that what I listed here is what really helped me grow up and become stronger. This year I learned that you can do things if you put your mind to it. I learned that even though you're emotionally hurt or your mental state is screwed up over it, you can do things and you can help yourself. I learned what it's like to be in love and what it's like to have someone mean more than the world to you. I learned that not everything works out with people and that every single relationship you get yourself into in life will be different. I became close with the most unexpected people. I lost friends and I made mistakes.
From all of this, I learned that everything you do shapes who you are and who you will be. In life we go through so many good and bad experiences that make us who we are. I know that this is just the beginning, and as I grow up and move on to bigger things, I will be hit with hard decisions, but I look forward to the new knowledge I will get from it all. I am confident that myself and everyone else can get through life no matter what happens. We're all in this together. I hope that this year, 2011, I can take what I learned in 2010 and use it well.