Does He Like Me Or Not?
By Cindy, age 14, New York
When school started my two friends split up, so I hang out with one of them in the morning, and I met some of her friends. Especially this one guy that I started to develop a crush on, but I don't know whether or not he likes me. Sometimes he does things that make me believe that he likes me but I don't want to assume anything. (I assumed a guy liked me in middle school but I was wrong.) I looked up those links on Google, like "how to tell if a guy likes me", and all the things they said a guy does when he likes you is mostly what he does. I don't know if I should tell him I like him and see what happens or just wait a little bit longer to see more signs. I am really confused. Can you tell me what you think?Stephanie, 15
Dear Stephanie,
I really sympathize with the 'does he or doesn't he' thing. It can be so tough sometimes when you aren't sure. You should ask yourself: "What do I want to happen between us?" If you just want for him to like you back or have a casual fling, then you have nothing to lose if you tell him that you have feelings for him. If you really see yourself having a long term relationship with him then you have three options. One, wait and see if he asks you out or confesses to you, two, make a sneaky plan, or three, ask him out yourself.
I really wouldn't advise sneaky ways of finding out whether he likes you, such as Formspring or having a friend find out, because if he doesn't turn out to like you, this kind of behavior can annoy some guys and make them think you are obsessed. If you really must, have your old friend sit down and talk to him about it face to face.
Confessing to a guy can be a bit awkward. Honestly, I think saying something like, "Gee, I really like you," or slipping a note into his locker can be a little bit elementary school-ish. In your position I would talk to him about it and ask him to hang out somewhere that you both already like or to have coffee. A lot of guys find it really attractive if a girl is assertive enough to make the first move. Texting or emailing isn't cowardly. A simple "want to grab coffees and study together?" can also be shrugged off as a 'friend thing' if he gets weirded out.
Bon Courage,
Cindy
* * * * *
I met this boy, Charlie, over the summer. We started talking, and two days after my birthday he asked me out. I was 12 and he was 13. He's 14 now and a freshman. We were going out until 2 weeks into school - we went out for almost 3 months - but before we went out it seemed like we already were. I had a lot of stuff going on; the day he broke up with me I just transferred to my old school. He also had a lot of stuff going on - track, homework, school and he named some other things also. But he said that's the reason, "he was really busy," but he still really liked me.
About a week before he broke up with me was the first time he ever told me he loved me. I've been wanting to say it to him forever! A couple days before he broke up with me we were talking, and I told him that I had a really bad feeling he was going to break up with me, and I was extremely worried! He told me he wasn't going to and he thought the same about me. Then a day before he broke up with me he told me that he loved me.
The next day I randomly got a text saying "I think we should break up." I had an amazing day and then suddenly I get that. I was walking home with my (hardly) ex-boyfriend Rory, Mikey, my cousins Garret, Brittany, and Rory's little sister Kallie. I started crying "out of nowhere!" I couldn't help it. I practically ran home, locked myself in my room and started crying and crying!
I was humiliated the next day in school. I couldn't tell anybody what happened without crying. Weeks later he asked my friend if I would ever go back out with him. I wasn't supposed to know. But of course she told me, and I was bouncing off walls. He never talked to me. Later, I talked to him, told him I missed him, and still reeeally liked him. He said the feeling was still mutual. Nothing happened. I told him AGAIN and he said he STILL feels the same way but doesn't want a girlfriend - still really busy. I told him I just really hope we get back together, and he said, "So do I," and that he missed me. I guess he doesn't miss me that much.
I like him sooo much. I don't want to go out with a boy that doesn't have time for me. But I can't help it; I think I could love him. Everybody says I'm only 12 and I can't LOVE someone. But really, I don't know ... maybe I'm just being too dramatic about this. I want to know how to get his attention, see if he's telling me the truth. And if not, what is the truth!? About if we'll ever go back out. UGH :( Help.
I also like this boy Joe. He goes to my school and he's in 8th grade. But I just don't think I'd be as happy with him as I would with Charlie.
Sarah, 12
Dear Sarah,
Ah, older men. A relationship between people of different ages can be tough.
Yes, you can be in love at 12. You can be in love at any age, 12 to 112. And I don't think you are being way too dramatic about this - relationships are a really important part of life and it's good to think about them. Just keep in mind that you can fall in love more than once, and that a guy you meet now might not be it.
Trust me, freshman year is really busy, but it isn't usually that overwhelming. Try to reassure him that you won't mind if he isn't available very much. Don't come on too heavy though, because that might make you seem needy and desperate, and too much of another stressor. For now, try to act like a good supportive friend.
If I were you I'd have a sit down face to face talk with him, and soon. Try to know by the end of the talk whether you will be back together or not. Not only whether he is willing to be back together, but set a clear time when you two will be able to date. Example: He's too busy with track, so you'll get back together when track ends.
And if you can't get back together, just remember that you have other prospects. Look into this guy Joe, or maybe someone else will be interested in you. Middle and high school are just three and four years of your life; what seems huge now might not be so important in retrospect.
Bisous,
Cindy
