Discovering Your Orientation

By Pamela, age 26, South Africa
Sweet Designs Featured Writer

Featured Gold Star Writer Bio

I've always been indecisive, and have yet to figure myself out, and I've always fancied girls on TV more than men on TV, and I never really like anybody in real life, so I've just seen it as "admiring the female form," especially since celebs and people on TV are made to be beautiful!

But lately I've started really, really fancying this girl. She's my boyfriend's little sister, and I feel like crying. She looks like a boy, so maybe that could be it? But I thrill on her being a girl, and I could never do anything on my boyfriend, but I'm so confused what to think. I feel like I am more sexually attracted to her than him. She's just so cool - and hot. Maybe another bit of the attraction is that she's off limits? But what do I do? Ignore these feelings forever? And does this make me bisexual? Because I've had sexual feelings for two other girls, but not strong ones compared to this. I really don't know what to do. Even if I am 'bi' I don't see how I could come out. People have this view that bisexuals are "gays in denial" or attention seeking. I'm not. I'm not even sure if I am yet!! Help?

Katie, 15

Thanks for sharing, Katie. It's obvious that you're very conflicted at the moment. The teenage years are a very confusing time, so know that you are not alone. Teenagers go through an enormous period of growth and self-discovery and it's a time to learn about yourself and get to know who you are. I know that this is a controversial topic and so I understand why it's stressing you out so much. I think at age 15 you are still learning about yourself and perhaps trying on different identities to see which one fits. In time you may find out that you are in fact bi, or you may come to see yourself as heterosexual. The point I'm trying to make is that at your age it's too soon to tell. You may grow out of the feelings you're having or you may lean more towards them. I don't think you should ignore your feelings, but you should not tell your boyfriend or try and pursue a relationship with his sister. I would give the same advice if you liked your boyfriend's brother. It would devastate him and probably damage his relationship with his sister. It could be as you say that the attraction is because she's off limits.

What you need to do is focus on yourself. Don't worry too much about it because you are still the same person no matter your sexual orientation. I think in time the answer will become clear to you, and you will just know if you are bi or straight. A lot of teens do go through a period of confusion about their sexuality, but after a while it becomes more obvious to them. I don't think you should label yourself before you even know who you are. It would do you good to talk to your school counselor about it because it will be confidential. But maybe don't tell other people about how you are feeling until you are certain yourself. Just relax and focus on school and your friends and it will all work itself out. Good luck!


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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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