A Girl's First Period
Why Am I Still Flat Chested?
By Pamela, age 26, South Africa
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
Thanks so much for the question, Cerys.
Puberty is a term that describes the time in life when the body matures sexually and the reproductive organs become functional. Puberty causes physical changes, such as rapid growth spurts, the development of breasts in girls, and psychological changes that can cause teenagers to become moody, self-conscious, and aggressive.
It sounds like you have actually started puberty as you are having mood swings and pains, so I assume that you will get your first period any day now. You shouldn't worry that you are still flat chested, as your friends have obviously just started puberty a bit earlier than you. The average age that girls start puberty is 11 so you aren't behind. Just give your body time to go through these changes and your breasts will start developing soon.
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I got my first boyfriend last year, Jake. We dated for six months. And through this whole relationship I had this friend, Max. Me and Max told each other everything! From my problems with my family to my boyfriend, Jake. He helped me with everything. He was also friends with Jake though, but no matter what, he didn't say anything to him. I started liking Max while I was in a relationship with Jake. But while this was happening I have this friend, Lily. Lily and Max were talking and both liked each other. Then me and Jake broke up, and Max told me he thought I was cute. Lily found out and got mad at me. I don't think I did anything wrong, and I still don't see anything wrong. I couldn't help it that he thought I was cute or that I liked him. Then by the end of the day Max ended up asking Lily out! I was happy for Lily, but practically depressed. My first boyfriend dumped me and I really liked Max, but he was dating Lily.
Two days later Jake asked me back out. I believe now I only went back out with him because I was so sad about Max and Lily. Max and Lily soon broke up, and the next day me and Jake broke up again. Me and Max started flirting a lot and that kind of stuff. The last day of school he asked me out, and I said yeah, getting Lily pissed at me, but when they went out they hardly knew each other! I introduced them and knew him for like 4 years! I thought it was fair, and still do. We went out for 3 days and then he broke up with me. We still talked and flirted. We actually talked A LOT more then we did before.
Halfway through the summer I got a new boyfriend, Jason. Me and Max stopped talking then, and I tried to start talking to him again, but he like hated me. Jason was my first kiss, and my first real 'I love you'. We broke up 3 weeks into school.
Max just started talking to me again. I like him soo much. and the day we started talking he told me if he chose anyone to date it'd be me or this other girl, Mary. We were talking again today and he said that he doesn't like anyone at our school (we go to the same school) but does like someone in general. He knows I like him. I walk to school with him every day. He wasn't my first boyfriend, but he was my first love. And I'm still in love with Jason. I miss Jason terribly, and like Max soo much. Neither of them like me.
All I have been wanting to do is cry lately, sit in my bedroom and cry. I love them both. I don't know what to do, I'm at the point with Max that I wanna tell him if all we are ever going to be is friends then I can't do it any longer. But I can't. I mean, our friendship is amazing. I cannot let it be ruined again, and I don't want to say anything to make him ruin it either.
Thanks for your sharing what you're going through. I know this whole situation is very tough for you and probably seems like the end of the world, but trust me, it's not. I get that this is very important to you, but in the grand scheme of your life it is not as important as it seems to you right now. The first thing I want you to do is relax and take a step back. You won't be able to accomplish anything if you are stressing so much. So try to keep things in perspective.
From reading your question I sense that you are afraid to be single. Every time a guy has broken up with you, you have gotten together with another guy a few days later. Now there's nothing wrong with having a boyfriend, but at 12 a boyfriend shouldn't be the focus of your whole life. I want you to understand that you are at a stage in your life when your hormones are starting to kick in and they can sometimes make you feel a bit crazy. But you need to be smart and think about what's best for you. I know that you still have feelings for Max and Jason, but you think that they don't like you anymore. Remember that they are also going through what you are, and becoming a teenager is a very confusing time. Teenagers change their mind like the wind, so don't take anything that has happened too seriously. You never know, you might end up becoming Max's high school girlfriend or you might date someone else, or you might be single, and that's okay.
My advice is to not focus so much on your love life at the moment, but focus on school and hobbies. You don't want to lose your friendship with Max, so be friends with him, even though you have feelings for him. That's all you can do, because if you push your feelings onto him you will push him away. Besides, it will probably make him interested in you again if he thinks you are fine just being friends. But what you need to do most of all is focus on yourself and finding out who you are, because the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.