OK to Date My BFF's Ex?

By Mona, age 19, Philippines
Sweet Designs Featured Writer

Featured Gold Star Writer Bio

Two days ago my boyfriend Jimmy broke up with me. We were only dating for three months but we gained a really strong bond in a short time. I was super upset about the whole thing but we decided to still be friends. I went to school the next day, and my friend Cody was really there for me. Cody and I had a chat after school and he made me feel a lot better. Cody is also my best friend Cori's ex who she is not speaking to. Cori and Cody were dating on and off for a year and a half and ended badly. Cody is now telling me he has feelings for me and wants to start something. I'm still in love with Jimmy, but I am starting to gain feelings for Cody. If I ever had something with Cody, Cori wouldn't be happy with me. What should I do?

Danielle, 15

Dear Danielle,

You might have already heard the line "ho's over bro's" right? It means no matter what happens, your friends (or, in your case, your best friend) should always come first before any guy. But, as we come to realize, at the end of the day, no matter how strong our friendship is with our best friend, the longing for a boyfriend or that someone special in your life will never go away. Especially, at your age right now.

I want you think about it clearly. You say you still have feelings for Jimmy but you're starting to feel something for Cody. I don't know Jimmy, but based on the fact that he broke up with you, it means he doesn't want to be with you. In comes Cody, who gets the role of the "comforter." Cody made you feel a lot better, he was there for you and he has feelings for you, and you kind of have feelings for him too, but you're afraid to jump into a relationship with him because you might hurt your best friend. Well, Danielle, I think you should clearly think about how you really feel about Cody, and make a final decision. Don't include Jimmy in the picture anymore because that relationship is over. It's time to let go of him and time to open up your heart once again to a guy who made you lean on his shoulder during your time of sadness.

Talk to your best friend; make her understand the situation and how it all came to be. Like you said, things ended badly with her and Cody. I am a believer in fate. I believe that when two people are brought together in the most unlikely situations, something is bound to happen between them. If she's really your friend, she should be happy for you. Maybe that's why things ended badly with her and Cody, because maybe it was you all along who is meant to be with him.

Know this, you're still young; your mind will change and your whole life will change. Guys like Cody are hard to find, so live in the moment, take a leap of faith. If you like Cody and he likes you, try it out and see where it goes from there.


* * * * *

When school started my two friends split up, so I hang out with one of them in the morning, and I met some of her friends. Especially this one guy that I started to develop a crush on, but I don't know whether or not he likes me. Sometimes he does things that make me believe that he likes me but I don't want to assume anything. (I assumed a guy liked me in middle school but I was wrong.) I looked up those links on Google, like "how to tell if a guy likes me", and all the things they said a guy does when he likes you is mostly what he does. I don't know if I should tell him I like him and see what happens or just wait a little bit longer to see more signs. I am really confused. Can you tell me what you think?

Stephanie, 15

I think a lot of girls would agree with me when I say that we've all been there. I think every girl has gone through that stage when there's this guy she likes and the guy is giving mixed signals. "Do you like me? Are we together or what?" At first you're like "Omg! I'm so happy about this," but sooner or later you realize that nothing is really happening. He's not making a move, therefore you're left there like a sitting duck.

I've just seen He's Just Not That Into You, and it's one of my favorite movies because it makes you realize a lot of things as a girl in the same situation as all of us. The movie taught me that when a guy likes you or wants to date you, he'll make it happen. If he's sending you mixed signals, what you should do is maybe try to confront him. If all goes well, then awesome. If not, then you move on. You're still young!

And, of course, we are living in a new world where sometimes women make the first move. So, what you do is try to ask him out. Some guys are really just shy. Shy guys need a little push. Don't wait for signs - nothing is going to happen if you wait for them - it might be a little too late in the end.


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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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