Moving in with Dad May Mean Losing Boyfriend
By Clarissa, age 21, Texas
My mum can get really angry with me, and I told my dad I want to come live with him, so I'm moving, but I still need to tell my mum, my bf and my sis I'm moving. But should I really leave if I like my bf lots? So my question is, how do I tell my mum I'm leaving? And do long term relationships really last?
I first want to start off by saying how cool it is that you refer to your mother as "mum." This must be a British or New Zealand thing, but I am definitely going to start saying it. Moving on, I am sorry that things are not going so well as far as the relationship with your mom. Then again, I am sure that most teen girls your age would say the same. Growing up and finding your independence is always a sore topic between mothers and daughters, I am telling you from my own personal experience. From the age of 13-17 my mother and I rarely got along. But she was also the same way with her mother. I am now 21 and we have the best relationship. We can go shopping, out to eat, to the movies, and it's all because I grew up. I say all this to you to say it will get better, and if moving out is your only option then by all means there is nothing wrong with going to live with your dad. Some food for thought that I will give you is: you have a mother who cares to get mad because she loves you!
As far as your second question, every relationship is different because not every person is the same. I don't want to give you a definite yes or no but I can say long distance relationships take a lot of dedication and time, maybe more so than a relationship that is in the same location. Thankfully webcam, texting, emails, and instant messaging can make the process easier, but that is still a challenge in itself. Being so young I would encourage you not to get so wrapped up in a relationship. I have had multiple boyfriends that I thought were my "forever guy," and it just didn't work out. A quick tip - most boys around your age aren't serious yet; they still need time to grow up and mature. There are exceptions to the rule though, and if your guy is one of them then I say go for it. Communication is the key to everything, so the best way to tell everyone your plans is just to do it. Especially your mom. I am pretty sure you will find out that she will want to work everything out, even if your decision is still to leave. Whether your boyfriend wants to stay with you or not, don't let that affect your decision. Never live for a man because nothing is promised. Always live for YOU!
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How do I tell my mum I want to live with my dad??
I am pleased to hear from you again. Telling your mom is probably not going to be easy, but you will feel so much better when you get everything off your chest. I find that the best times to talk to my parents are on the weekends when they don't have work, or in the evenings when they are settled in for the night.
Before I go any further, I would like to stress the fact that living with your father will still have its negatives. Every relationship has ups and downs so I just want you to go into the situation with an open mind. I would suggest going to spend the summer with your dad on a trial basis just to make sure that is really something you want to do. To tell your mom, I would just sit her down and let her know that you feel it would be better for your relationship with her if you moved in with your dad. I would also suggest trying to fix the issues that the two of you have before you leave. You can leave the problems behind but they will eventually resurface. If you have any more questions or concerns just let me know. I wish you the best of luck!