That Night
By Aidan Marie, age 16, Massachusetts
"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be kissed in a cemetery?" Adrian asked after sitting on my couch in a blissful silence for so many minutes. His light brown hair - the perfect length between his ears and his shoulders - blew ever so slightly in the warm summer breeze, and I wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through it. It would be so soft, so perfect. It took all of my strength to stop staring at him in fear I would get caught. I could have stayed in that silence for hours, just smelling his sweet scent and watching those beautiful jade green eyes dart around the yard in search of something to settle on.But instead, I responded wistfully, "I would love for my first kiss to be in a cemetery. They are just so peaceful; it seems very romantic. I can just imagine the cemetery at night: lit up by moonlight, standing in that little field with all the flowers surrounding you. The graves lined up in messy rows. I can even hear him singing "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus to me while playing his acoustic guitar. Then, when the song is over he tells me about how I'm all he ever thinks about and we belong together. The perfect romance." I pulled myself away from my thoughts, wondering how I could have just revealed so much to him.
He looked at me as I spoke, but he wasn't truly looking at me. It was more like he was dreaming. I couldn't help but ponder what he was dreaming about. I thought about all of the possibilities. First I did some wishful thinking, then my common sense told my right brain to shut up and stop making up lies.
Suddenly his daydream turned into a shocked, curious expression. "You've never been kissed, Aria? I thought, with all the guys thinking you're so hot and all, you would have had lots of boyfriends."
He just called me 'hot' ... I felt like I was going to faint, but I just barely managed to keep my composure. I couldn't believe it, especially since I never considered myself attractive. I mean, sure, I wasn't repulsive, but there is nothing special about me. I'm 5 foot 2 with long blonde hair and hazel eyes ... like a third of all the girls in America. I have a petite frame but I constantly cover it up with baggy t-shirts and pants that could fit two of me inside. And I'm so pale I could pass for a porcelain doll - without the perfect features.
"I guess I just haven't found the right guy yet," I said meekly, wondering if he could tell what I have been thinking all day long.
"Don't worry, he will come eventually. Any guy would be lucky to have you, but you're amazingly special, so you need a special guy to match. I'm glad you're not like other girls." He paused for a moment and that dreaming face came back, but it was gone as quickly as it came.
"Well, I've got to go to work, so I guess I should get going now ... I'll see you tomorrow?"
I was so anxious right then, the amount I was shaking could have started an earthquake. And when I get anxious I write poetry, so running through my mind was a poem about Adrian. That makes, let's see, 93,738,747,292 poems about Adrian.
Lucky to have you.
Amazingly special.
Why, oh why,
Can you not see
How much those words
Torment me?
The secrets that you dream
Hide in your jade green eyes.
The dreams that I keep secret
Are revealed in my silent cries.
So many nights
I've spent lying in my bed,
Thinking about all
The things that you have said.
So many contradictions,
So many ways to go.
How many times are you going
To make my heartbreak grow?
That is all
I have to say.
I'm sorry it's just
Another cliché.
"Yeah. See you tomorrow," was all I managed to stammer out before he walked down the steps, got on his moped, and drove away.
I sat on my front steps for hours after he left thinking, "God! I wish he would just make his move already."
I never felt this way before. Even about my last boyfriend. He dumped me last week, and even though I should be heartbroken, I'm not. Instead, I'm obsessing over this guy Adrian, who happens to be my best friend of 13 years. Adrian and I have been hanging out a lot lately, and that's why Patrick broke up with me; he's a jealous soul. But I guess, in this case, he has a right to be, considering I really do have feelings for Adrian. Though it doesn't really matter how I feel, because I'm only 16 years old. A mere child in Adrian's gorgeous, 21-year-old, jade green eyes.
* * * * *
I like to sit on my front steps at night; it's peaceful. I can think clearly as the warm summer wind gently caresses my face. Adrian left my house around four, and I didn't even notice how long I had been sitting there until I looked up and noticed that the sun was gone. The sky was a deep indigo flooded with bright spots of white light.
People always depict stars as yellow, but obviously those people have never lain under the starry sky and just watched - watched the white stars flicker; watched the glowing of the North Star; watched the occasional airplane fly by that we all like to think is a shooting star as we secretly make a wish. Well, tonight, and the past many nights for that matter, I have only wished for one thing. Is it really too much to ask for one simple thing in life? All I want is for him to notice me. To look at me one day - I mean really look at me - and think, "hmm ... she is beautiful." I hear guys tell me all the time that I'm "hot" or "sexy", but I don't want to hear that. I just want to hear that I am "beautiful" once in my life.
* * * * *
A million different scenarios were running through my head about how he would come and sweep me off my feet tonight. I was at the part where he was just about to kiss me when I was pulled out of my reverie by the sound of a moped speeding down my dead-end road. I looked up to see Adrian pull up in front of my house and I couldn't help but smile. He pulled a helmet out of his backpack and held it out to me. "Hop on," was all he said. I jumped up, ran over to the moped, and got on without a second thought. I was in bliss as I wrapped my arms around his tiny waist. He was so skinny that my arms overlapped each other until my hands could touch my elbows. But he wasn't the bad kind of skinny - not anorexic looking. He was 6 foot 2, and very scrawny, yet at the same time had the perfect amount of muscle. Feeling him pulled against me was extraordinary. I had never been so close to him before. Once I got settled in, we sped off toward the main roads.
* * * * *
"Where are we headed?" I yelled over the noisy engine, realizing at that moment that I just got on a moped for the first time in my life - completely disobeying my parents rules - with a boy who likes to run over pot holes and drive on the wrong side of the road for fun, and I didn't even ask where he was taking me.
"You'll just have to wait and see," he shouted back to me as he sped up. "Hold on tight!" I held on to him as if I was holding on for dear life, but truthfully, I just wanted to hold him closer to me. We drove into the black night and maneuvered our way through the darkness of the streets. I closed my eyes and it felt like hours before I felt the moped come to a stop and heard the engine die down, but it still didn't last long enough. "You can let go now, you know," he said with a laugh in his voice. "I guess somebody was scared on their first moped ride."
I opened my eyes and unwrapped my arms from his body, utterly embarrassed that I didn't let go sooner. I just said, "Yeah, it was quite ... exhilarating," in denial of why I truly didn't let go. He just smiled and looked out into the darkness. It took my eyes a minute to adjust, before I could realize where we were.
* * * * *
The old graveyard is so beautiful at night. With its nineteenth century headstones and grass that hasn't been cut for years, it has an elegance about it that makes most people afraid. But me? I've never been afraid of this place. Yet, I was still confused about why Adrian took me here at midnight. "So why are we at the cemetery?"
I realized I wouldn't be getting any straight answers from him tonight as he grabbed my hand and pulled me further into the shadows.
We walked all the way to the gate leading to the back of the cemetery, and came to a stop. "Close your eyes." I did as directed with no questions, even though there were a million running through my mind. He took hold of my hand and slowly led me to wherever the hell he was taking me. Not realizing that he came to another stop, I continued walking and crashed right into him. I stumbled, and right as I was about to make a face plant in the dirt, I felt Adrian's strong arms wrap around me and pull me back up. I heard him attempt to stifle a laugh before he said, "keep your eyes closed ... and try not to hurt yourself." I know he was joking, but I was thanking the non-existent-Heavens that it was dark out so he couldn't see how bright red my face was turning.
I then heard his footsteps walk away and quickly fade to nothing. "Adrian?" I was staring to get nervous. Not 'getting-ready-for-the-firing-squad' nervous, but 'could-this-be-the-moment?' nervous. It felt like he was taking forever, as I counted the seconds until he came back.
* * * * *
Finally I heard something that relieved me, but at the same time, shocked me to the point where I just had to open my eyes, or I swear I would have fainted.
"When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one"
I was listening to the lyrics of "Your Guardian Angel" envelop me as Adrian played his acoustic guitar.
"I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven"
I let his beautiful voice entrance me while looking into his mysterious jade green eyes lit up by the light of the full moon.
"'Cause you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
'Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven"
By the time he was done singing, I was completely enthralled in a dream-like state by the wonder of it all.
He stepped so close to me, I could feel his warm breath on my face when he said, "Aria, you are all I ever think about. We belong together." Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into my first kiss.
* * * * *
We laid down in the grassy field surrounded by little white flowers that mimicked the patterns of the glowing white stars, and just watched - watched the white stars flicker; watched the glowing of the North Star; watched the occasional airplane fly by, that we all like to think is a shooting star as we secretly make a wish. And just as a "shooting star" raced by, Adrian turned his face toward me and whispered in my ear, "You're beautiful."
