Old Standby or Summer Love?
By Mona, age 19, Philippines
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
I really like my boyfriend [Alan], but I have never met another guy who has made me feel so close to him. He [Joshua] makes me feels as if I'm the world to him, and while we were together that summer he promised me he wouldn't leave me and that he'll wait on me and he has. He hasn't broken his promise; he has continued to stay true to me. What do I do? Date Joshua and dump Alan? Or stay with Alan and forget about Joshua?
I think you have already answered your own question. You say that no one has ever made you feel what Joshua makes you feel so clearly, I think in your heart, it's Joshua and not Alan. You have to make a choice. You are awfully young to be making these kinds of decisions but if you really have thought about your feelings then I think you should let your feelings guide you. You don't want to hurt Alan because you still like him, but you really want to be with Joshua because of how he makes you feel. It's really simple - what Joshua has, Alan doesn't, so my money is on Joshua. You have been dating Alan for three years, meaning you met him when you were still 11. Alan might only have been "puppy love." Alan is the first guy you've had a long relationship with and sometimes it's hard to let those things go because of their sentimental value, but maybe it really isn't meant to be. It's the universe telling you that Alan is not the only guy - that's why you've met Joshua.
Now I'm not saying that Joshua would be the one; you are still young and you'll meet more guys in the future. I'm just saying that if I was in your situation, I would break up with Alan and be with Joshua. Your relationship with Alan was pretty long for your age so I suggest letting him down in a gentle way; he at least deserves that kind of break up. The fact that you're with Alan but continue to stay in touch with Joshua is a bad sign. It's a sign that you are not fully committed to the relationship with Alan because you really want to be with Joshua. I think you are just holding on to Alan because of your three year relationship. Well, the fact is, even the longest relationships come to an end, especially at your age. So don't be afraid to take that risk.
Think about how you really feel, think about the pros and cons - everybody has pros and cons. If there are more pros in dating Joshua rather than being with Alan then go for it. You'll never know if you don't try.
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What About Bob?
I really like this boy in my class, "Bob." Bob and I have been pretty close friends, and unfortunately that's all we'll ever be. My friends have been trying to play matchmaker and set us up, and when she texted him asking if he liked me he said "maybe a little." I've told him how I felt and he said we were too good of friends to date, and I wanna be happy because we're friends, because we have an awesome friendship, but another part of me wants to cry because all we are ever going to be is just friends. "Bob" means a lot to me and he sent me a text message asking me to say three words to describe him. I asked him if he wanted to know how I really felt or as a friend, and he said he wanted to know what I felt, so I told him three things I liked about him - he was cute, he was funny and he was sweet. He said the same with the exception of tall. I'm so confused about whether he likes me back or not. So my question is: should I give up hope on "Bob" and just stay friends or try and become a little more? Thanks.
Believe me when I say that exactly three years ago, I was in the same situation as you so I definitely know how you feel about your relationship with Bob. I had a friend like Bob whom I developed feelings for but I wasn't sure what our relationship was. He was one of my closest friends and there was a time when I asked him how he felt about me, but like you I got a vague answer. Until now, I still don't know how he feels about me, and since then I have not spoken to him or even seen him and we're not friends anymore.
There's one thing I want you to do, and it's the thing I didn't do and the thing that I most regret. I need you to confront him. Tell him how you really feel. I see you have an amazing friendship with Bob and you're scared that it might change once your feelings are out in the open. Bob is just scared and needs a little push so put your foot down and tell him how you feel. Who knows? Maybe he really likes you too, and because you stepped up and gave him that push the both of you will develop a stronger relationship that both of you always wanted.
I ran from my relationship with my friend three years ago. I was afraid to really tell him how I felt because I was afraid of rejection. He was the first guy I ever felt close to and might have fallen in love with, and look at what is happening now: I have not seen or spoken to him ever since, even though I really want to. He's moved on and he's changed. There's nothing I can do about it now. I don't want that to happen to you. Don't be scared of the consequences; you'll actually learn from them.