Annoying BFF Copies Everything I Do
By Pamela, age 26, South Africa
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
I was always okay with it, but that was because I always had everything - now she's getting them too. So I feel like now I have to fight for attention with her. Every time I try to explain something to her she always goes, "Yea, yea. Whatever."
Now I still want to be friends, but I can't take it anymore!! Not to mention she never takes responsibility for anything. She apologizes to anyone and badmouths them when they leave. I am a hard working student, who always works hard to behave right, but she breaks the rules and the teachers never get mad at her. But when it comes to me, if I do it I get in trouble! And she takes her gift for granted, and doesn't even try to behave. I want to remain friends, but she's making it really hard!!! Help? Please??!!
Also, my BFF always leaves me behind to hang with other friends. Today she came over my house for a hour till she got a call from another one of her friends and automatically left to go to her house. I tried in the past to stop being friends with her, but somehow we always made up. But this always happens no matter how many times I explain it to her. I tried hanging out with other friends but my neighbors don't like me, and I have no one close by to go to. My parents are always too busy to drive me anywhere. And she gets to literally go to another friend's house or party every day and ends up leaving me behind. What do I do?
Thanks for sharing, Rose.
Have you ever heard the saying: "Imitation is the greatest form of flattery?" What this basically means is that by your best friend copying you all the time, she is actually jealous of you and wants to be like you. I know this can be annoying as you want to be original and this is difficult when she does everything you do, but perhaps try and look at it in a positive way in that she looks up to you and thinks that you are special.
That being said, I understand how frustrated you are, so I think that you need to make her understand your feelings. You said that she won't listen to you when you try and talk to her about it, so I suggest writing her a letter or an email explaining your feelings in a sincere and honest way. You should tell her that you care about her and want to be friends with her, but you need her to respect your feelings. Also tell her how hurt you feel when she ditches you to go hang out with other friends. If she ignores your letter or doesn't care, then the only thing you can do is distance yourself from her. I know you say that you have no friends close by to go to, but perhaps join a club at school or do some other extracurricular activity to meet new friends. Then invite your new friends to a sleepover at your house since your parents are too busy to drive you anywhere.
Don't let her get you down. I hope this helps.
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I'm Not Ready Yet
So there are a couple things I need help on, all revolving around this guy named Luke. He's a freshman. I'm 12 and I'm in seventh grade. I've had another freshman boyfriend, but not at all like Luke. Luke has done more than just kissing. Second base, not all the way, if you know what I mean.
So I was talking to him, and he said he wanted me to be his first; the farthest I've ever gone was kissing. I'm not ready, and he knows that. I am so confused about that. He said he'd be a total ass if he made me. He knows exactly how I feel because I guess he has friends that this has happened to.
I didn't know if I trusted him so I made a fake account on a website. He told this "girl" (who was actually me) he was in a relationship and he had a feeling they were going to end soon and he hasn't talked to "her" in three weeks.
I like him a lot.
Thanks for your question.
I usually have to think very hard about what I'm going to say when I give my advice, but I knew instantly when I read your question what to tell you. It seems that this guy Luke is only after sex. You are 12 and, as you say, are not ready to have sex or even go beyond kissing, so you should make it very clear to him that you are not going to be doing anything with him sexually. I know you like him a lot, but if you have sex with him just because you want him to like you or not leave you, then you will regret it. If he really likes you then he will respect you decision. However, I have a feeling that when you tell him you will not have sex with him, he will find someone else who will. Further evidence of this is when you created a fake profile on the website and his response was to act shady about your relationship just to hook up with another girl. But don't be too sad if what I'm saying happens, because I'm sure you'd rather be with someone who likes you enough to wait until you're older and ready to take such a big step. You need to find someone who respects you as much as you respect yourself.