Being a Flirt is Destroying My Friendships
By Brittany, age 20, Tennessee
I have loads of guy friends I'm pretty close to, so I act really easy around them. But apparently I flirt with them, and my best friend has started going out with one of my guy friends and she keeps getting annoyed because she thinks I fancy him. But I "flirt" with all my guy friends. I don't know how to talk to guys in any other way. How do I explain that to her?
I had this friend once. She was basically the same way you are. She flirted SO easily with every single guy. She could easily wrap someone around her finger. It got her into a lot of fights with girls, especially friends, and it got her a not-so-nice reputation. Regardless of how you explain it to your friend, most likely she won't be any less uneasy about you being around her boyfriend. That's how girls are, especially at your age.
My advice though is to take a step back and maybe ease up. I do realize people have "flirty" personalities, but there's definitely a place to draw the line. However, 'being you' is the best thing you can be. If 'really flirty' is who you are, really flirty is who you are. You can continue to go through life being exactly like this, but you also have to realize that it will lose you some friends and gain you some rumors along the way. So, in all honesty, my advice is to be you and realize the consequences that come with it, or try to not really change yourself, just alter the intensity in how you approach other people, mainly males.
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I'm not usually one to get advice because I'm usually the one to give it, but I have to discuss this with someone. I think I'm in love with my best guy friend, and right now you're probably thinking 'oh, it's the typical,' but it's really not at all.
Ok, so last year I set him up with this girl I knew liked him, at that point I didn't really know I liked him. So, as they were dating, things started to get a little more than PG-13 for them. He told me they had sex. I thought it was a poor decision on his part, and by that time I realized I did have feelings for him, but I remained just his best friend that he told everything to. We were literately so close that when we went somewhere we got mistaken for a couple. When he broke up with her last year I was there for him like he expected me to be.
Not more than 2 months later he had another girlfriend. It seemed like he was openly flirting with me, but at the same time he wasn't completely over his 1st girlfriend which he also openly flirts with. I feel kind of used because I'm the one he comes crying to because he can't choose who he likes more between his current girlfriend and the 1st. And during all this he says he loves me and that he wished when he had asked me out 2 years previous I had said yes.
I don't know what to do anymore, and I think I forgot to mention that his 1st girlfriend is one of my best friends who feels the need to tell me exactly how much she misses him and loves him. The more this guy tells me, the more it feels like he's ripping my heart out, and he basically only calls me now when he needs my advice. And I feel like I'm betraying my friend by liking him. Please help!!!!
Oh my, my. Been there, done that, girl. Listen, they speak the truth when they say actions speak louder than words. It sounds to me like you have a player on your hands. You may think you know him and think he's genuinely into you, but most guys your age are only after one thing. Plus, you have to decide whether or not your friend is worth it. If she still loves him and wants to be with him and he still claims to love her, chances are, they may get back together within time, and you deserve so much better than that.
Don't make someone a priority who only makes you option, sweetheart. You'll only get burned. I know he's your friend, and right now he may just need a friend, but if he continues with these mind games, you might just have to back off from being his friend for a while and make yourself happy without him. Or, maybe you can talk to him. Tell him you don't appreciate being played for a fool, and if that's what he's doing, he needs to do it elsewhere. Do you get my drift? I hope I helped.