My Friends Have All Turned Against Me
By Julia, age 14, New York
Hey Sweet D's,
Do you ever feel like there is no need for your life to continue? I feel like this right now!
My friends have all turned against me because of one big misunderstanding, and I am a VERY strong girl after everything I've been through in my life. I don't need them making me feel worse! What do I do? Thanks.
To answer your initial question: yes, I have felt no need for my life's continuation at times - we all have once!
So your issue is one amongst friends. These kinds of conflicts can be of the most damaging. Since your friends have turned against you, you most likely feel lonely. Loneliness can create feelings of desperation, but there is hope!
You said that your friends' tension was brought out by a misunderstanding. A good place to start is by clearing the air. Let them know their interpretation of the situation is unfortunate, and you wish to resume your past state of acquaintance. If they don't listen, limit their power over you! YOU alone hold the authority to steer yourself in any direction you choose - always hold onto that.
* * * * *
I Fancy Her Boyfriend
Well, basically, my best friend and I have been fighting recently. Why? Because she is constantly putting me down in EVERYTHING - she has to beat me ... like grades and boyfriends and races. SHE HAS TO BEAT ME ... and if she doesn't she just says, "I don't care!"
It is really annoying, and then I try and just ignore her, but she always says I'm being stroppy.* We have known each other for 4 years and been best friends I think ever since.
So basically what shall I do? We get on really well but she is really annoying.
P.S. I fancy her boyfriend ... he knows ... she knows ... and she is really spoiled. They never talk face to face ... and she flirts with other guys - she doesn't care that she is with him. She just wants a boyfriend. So basically, HELP!!!!
* Stroppy - British slang term for being easily offended or annoyed.
Many teenage girls have a competitive edge - and there is a good reason. We begin to see ourselves as individuals, and to test out this newfound dimension we test our peers (often among the same gender) to challenges of sorts. These include areas of academics, athletics, and occasionally dating. We can even create these competitions subconsciously. If we lose, it is easy to throw up our hands and say that we never cared. When your friend loses she does not want to admit defeat. By doing so, her self-confidence would be diminished.
How do you avoid these irritating situations? You need not involve yourself in these competitions. If your friend has an issue with it, explain to her that her friendship is important to you and that you don't want bad feelings to come between you through rivalry. If she wants the best for your relationship, she should understand.
Secondly, don't give in to her attitude. Instead of creating tension, compliment her. Tell her that she looks nice or you think she performs well in competitive running, etc. Let areas of weakness become forms of exhibiting optimism.
As for the boyfriend, I understand what you are saying. (I lived through that scenario!) Though she is not treating him the way she should, you need to respect that he chose her. Don't allow yourself to display jealousy, and don't act cold around either of them. If they do split, allow a good few months before pursuing him; this will give any sour feelings time to clear up.