Not the Answers to Loneliness
By Clarissa, age 21, Texas
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
I'm a freshman in high school and I started out with a group of 5 close friends. I got extremely close to one of them and then she just kind of got bored and went on to someone else.
So anyway, a lot of drama has happened and they all hate me, or at least it comes off as they do. I avoid lunch because I'll see them and I try to stay home as often as I can. I faked sick for a week and a half because I really just didn't want to deal with them.
Out of the group there is only one girl I truly miss, and that's A. However, this girl named E who has never really liked me has swooped in and become best friends with A. E has told me repeatedly that A hates me. Truthfully I partially believe it and I partially don't.
I feel like such a loser. I don't go out and go to mixers or parties or anything. I stay home on the weekends. I am starting to hate going to school every day and where I live. It truly sucks because they seem to have gotten along so much better without me. Have you ever seen one of those shows where the two people need each other and the one who takes the other for granted usually ends up upset or something wrong? That's how I am.
I feel bullied and I have resorted to some bad alternatives. I usually mix white wine or rum with sparkling Juicy Juice and drink all day. I don't fully cut but I scrape myself. I never make myself bleed. I got some vicodin and a cigarette in my room. I'm not stupid, so I looked up the effects of vicodin, which includes constipation, so I don't plan on taking that. I kind of tried a cigarette and it was weird, but yeah.
I have two good friends in the area where I live but they go to different schools. All my other friends live in different states. And what makes it worse is that it's an all girls school.
I know that people have way worse problems out there, but thank you for taking the time to read my email.
High school has its up and downs. It can seem like you are on top of the world one minute, and just as quickly the world is on top of you. I don't know if you are familiar with the term frienemy, but this is an individual who can be called a friend but also plays another role as a competitor or rival. It is sad to say but most people these days do not value the true meaning of friendship. A lot of factors that can come in between friendships: jealousy, lifestyles, beliefs, boys/girls, and the list goes on.
My dad gave me a piece of advice that I will share with you. Going through life you will have a lot of acquaintances or associates, but very few friends. I had to learn this lesson the hard way but I can tell you I am better for it. I separate everyone into an organizational chart in my life. I have girlfriends I can shop with, girlfriends I can party with, girlfriends I can gossip with, and more. The reason being is not everyone can be everything to you. I wish I could tell you that it gets better as you get older but it doesn't. Even at my job I have seen women 35 and up just as catty and childish as the girls you wrote me about. The silver lining is you learn how to guard yourself more, when to open up to someone, and when to give them the bird (insert middle finger).
Never let someone make you feel like less of a person. I want you to think of it like this: while you are sitting at home drowning in alcohol and cigarette smoke those girls are out there living life. I don't know you personally, but from your letter to the magazine I got the vibe that you are a sweet person with a good heart, and it sounds like you like to go out and have fun. Those girls are not the whole school; give someone else the opportunity to see what a great person you are. I would encourage you to speak with your parents or someone close to you. Causing yourself bodily harm is never the answer, plus talking comes with scar-free benefits! I am glad you wrote in to the magazine; a lot of girls I am sure can sympathize with what you are going through.
Don't continue to play the game anymore. Go to school, make a new group of friends, have fun, and go to parties. Once you do this they will have then lost and you will have won, because you are no longer playing the game.
* * * * *
I Don't Want to Push Guys Away
I've liked this guy and we started texting and he told me that he liked me, but then one day we just stopped talking. I was crushed. So now whenever a guy gets close to me I push him away. I don't want to push everyone away. What should I do?
Boys, Boys, Boys. I am 21 and still dealing with the same issues. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I know exactly what was going through his mind, but it does happen. I am sure that you have heard this before but I will say it again because it is so true - girls mature faster than guys, mentally speaking. Don't look for this information on a medical website but in Clarissa 101 it is the number one rule of thumb. There have been countless times where I have cried, been confused, and disappointed. One day I just decided not to take things so seriously and just have fun.
You are young; this is the time to focus on your friends, family, and just date. Figure out what you like, how you want someone to treat you, and what your expectations are. If you do this you will be a step ahead of a lot of women when you get older. Think of guys like a buffet. We put a lot of different things on our plate. I think humans are naturally curious creatures and like to try new things. Just because I try one thing and don't like it doesn't mean I stop eating completely. I ignore the nasty food and continue to gobble down the rest. One rotten apple should not and does not represent the whole bunch. So keep that in mind when you meet someone new. It is ok to be cautious but don't let yourself lose out on what could potentially be something grand.