Antidepressants: My Experience

By Gia, age 19, Florida
Sweet Designs Staff Intern
Sweet Designs Featured Writer

Featured Gold Star Writer BioFeatured Gold Star Writer BioSDM Staff Intern

Editor's Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, based on her personal experiences. Sweet Designs Magazine neither recommends nor advises against the use of this or any medication. We do not have the expertise to evaluate the efficacy, risks, or possible side effects of a medication. For risks and possible side effects, we recommend that you speak with your doctor.

When you see the word ANTIDEPRESSANT, what do you think of? Is there an instant stereotype that comes to mind? Do you picture someone who definitely, not in a million years, could be you?

Well, I never thought I would be on an antidepressant. Yes, I had a somewhat severe cutting problem with a few suicidal attempts, but after years of therapy I thought it was all over. College was supposed to be an escape for me, to severely grow up from that girl. But I didn't, and it landed me back in my parents' house, going to college downtown and looking at every aspect of my life.

A prescription pad was all it took to join the ranks of pill dependent teenagers everywhere. Look, this isn't about me bashing people on pills. I know that for some it's a necessity.

So there it was: Paxil - five letters that would forever change my life. It's even hard to put another sentence together after that daunting one. Paxil, a white or yellow pill that I have to take to not feel anxious, depressed, or sick to my stomach. A pill I need to get out of bed and talk to people.

The first few days were terrible. I forgot the people I loved, where I was, even who I was. My night terrors were as bad as they had ever been. My boyfriend wanted me off the med the moment I fell asleep with him and was crying and talking in my sleep, telling whomever was chasing me to stop. The fact was, though, I couldn't go cold turkey even though I had only started them a few days before. The side effects didn't outweigh the positives. I could smile and feel like today was a good day. I liked it, I needed it.

I'm on Paxil for two specific reasons: for my anxiety and my depression. It's been about six months since I started them - I can't believe it's been that long. People who haven't seen me in a while can see the difference. People who don't know me pre-Paxil don't know that I'm on these pills. I can see the difference. I love the person I've become, the one who is searching for the desire I can't seem to fill. It helps my writing; it helps make my creativity jump onto pages when I feel like writing them down.

I don't believe pills are for everyone. I've become mentally and physically dependent on them. The word "addicted" can even be used, if you want to jump to conclusions. Spiraling out of control is what to be afraid of. What happens if my brain starts out of nowhere to not let me feel the effects of the pills? It's scary to wonder if I may need to be on these for the rest of my life. For right now though, I wake up, brush my hair and teeth, find my glasses, and take my pill so I can conquer the day. I'm perfectly fine with that too.

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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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