They Pay Attention to My BFF, Not Me
By Raj, age 21, England, United Kingdom
I have a pretty, outgoing best friend with a nice body. I am unfortunately the opposite. I constantly get jealous of her getting so much attention from guys. Meanwhile nobody even bothers to look at me. I unwillingly take out my jealousy on her and I don't want it to ruin our long friendship. How do I stop taking my jealousy out on her? How do I stop feeling insecure about myself?
First of all, one of the hardest things about being a girl is to learn to stop comparing yourself to other girls. There's no reason to feel insecure about yourself; there are probably lots of things that your best friend doesn't like about her life. Nobody is perfect, and you're both still so young, your bodies are going to grow and change so much that when you're 20 you won't even recognize yourselves at 14. It's frustrating when we don't look the way we want, but rest assured you are not alone. We have to learn to make the best of what we've got. You've heard that beauty comes from the inside, right? It's true. What are the things you don't like about yourself? Accept them, smile about them, let them go. What are the things that make you great? Learn to love every bit of you. That's the key to finding the confidence to put yourself out there. You will feel so much happier and start to shine so bright, and other people will notice it too! Realize your self worth and you will blossom :)
Secondly, the fact that you're aware that you've been unfair towards your best friend and you wish to stop taking your jealousy out on her suggests to me that you're a great girl and a great friend. So when you start to feel the jealousy creeping in don't let it take a hold of you, because you're better than that. Do what a best friend does. Be happy for her, talk about boys with her, laugh with her. Even if you have to fake it in the beginning, in the end you will feel so much better. Don't shut her out and isolate yourself because that's a horrible, negative place to be in. Also, she's your best friend, so if it's necessary you should tell her how you're feeling. Tell her you can't help being jealous, but you're working on it!
Best of luck,
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Good Friend, Bad Behaviour
My best friend Layla is in a relationship with a guy called Jack. Jack and her went out for while about a month ago, but Layla ended it saying, "We wanted different things." Now they're in a relationship again and I can tell that Jack adores her.
But there's a problem. Layla has most classes with me and in these classes is a group of three boys - Charlie, Ben and Ant. Layla is known for having big boobs, and every time they see her, they touch, squeeze, and generally feel them, and Layla never says stop. She just stands there.
We were having a conversation about Charlie the other day with another friend of ours, and we were playing around asking each other what we'd do in a particular situation. Layla said, "What if I was still in a relationship with Jack, and Charlie offered to have a purely physical relationship with me? What do you think I'd do?" Both me and my other friend answered with, "You'd turn Charlie down, of course!" Layla just shook her head and walked out.
I've known Jack since playgroup and I really don't want him getting hurt. What do I do?
So your best friend has put you in pretty awkward position, but as her best friend you need to tell her a couple things. First, she shouldn't let these boys grab her chest every time they see her; they're being immature and they're making a fool of her. And second, as far as Jack is concerned, she's lucky to have him, but if she doesn't like him you should tell her to break up with him, because staying together isn't fair on either of them. But she shouldn't break up with a guy who adores her for a guy like Charlie who's only interested in her boobs; he'll soon get bored. If she wants to stay with Jack then she needs to quit letting other guys treat her like a piece of meat, as a matter of urgency! She probably won't like hearing these things, and she may accuse you of being jealous or interfering, but that's only because there's a lot she needs to figure out and unfortunately she'll need to let her anger out at someone.
I understand that you care about Jack, and if Layla's behaviour doesn't change he has a right to know. Telling him could cause a lot of trouble and ruin your friendship with Layla, and there's also the chance that Jack may not believe you. That said, if he's a good friend, and if the situation was reversed and you'd expect Jack to tell you, then it has to be worth the risk. After all, if you and Jack are close, you don't want to be in a situation where he's asking you why you never told him the truth about his girlfriend. The best thing would be if he could witness the flirting/chemistry between Layla and Charlie for himself, then he'd have the chance to confront them about it. But if you have no other option, be delicate and ask him, "Would you want me to tell you if I thought that Layla liked somebody else?" Unless Layla sorts out her act Jack is going to get hurt; all you can do is be there for him.
All the best,