By Brittany, age 20, Tennessee
I'm 14 and have been having a lot of issues in my life. I can't sleep and can't eat half the time. I'm depressed and sad all the time. I've even cut myself. I used to talk to one of my guy friends who is majorly depressed and is basically going through the same thing as me. Well, he stopped talking to me when I told him I cut myself. Now he cracks a joke and everything and makes me laugh, but he doesn't really ever talk to me anymore.
On top of being depressed, my best friend is also very depressed - which makes me feel even worse about myself. I can't focus on school work and basically have no will to go on. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I can't talk to my family or friends. The last time I talked to my friend about my depression, she looked at me like I was crazy and didn't talk to me straight for a few days. I need help, and I need help fast.
Honey, it's obvious you need some help. Professional help. I don't say this to criticize you or make you feel even more useless, because honey, I've BEEN where you are. Not in as deep of a depression, but it did get to the point where nothing else mattered, you know? And the fact that the two people you rely on for support can't be there for you like they should because they're going through enough stuff of their own, and it probably just hurts them worse to know that you need them and they can't be there the way they know they should be, you know?
There's nothing wrong with going to your school counselor if you don't feel comfortable enough to go to your parents to let them know you need help. However, your parents aren't the enemy. They may seem like they are, because I thought mine were, but they honestly just love you and they want you to be okay. But your school counselor or even hot lines are available to talk whenever you need someone; they're often there 24/7. Maybe you're just going through a lot of stuff that's overwhelming you at your age and your body reacts in ways it can't handle and shuts down into depression. I do really hope you get the help you need, and maybe suggest to your friends that they should talk to someone too. I'm praying for you and you will be in my thoughts.
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Wait for Him??
Okay, so there's this guy, and he and I have been good friends for a long, long time. I guess you could say that he's the only guy I can have a real conversation with, and whenever I go back home (I study abroad, so I only see him every 2 or 3 months), we get closer and closer. I always help him with his girl issues, and he's been helping me deal with my now ex-boyfriend ... but there's always been something more with us. I can't really explain it well, but it's like even when I'm giving him advice with girls or vice versa, we both know that the people we should really be with are each other.
There are these looks and these feelings that I get when I'm with him that I never get with anyone else (including my past boyfriends). And I really feel that he gets them too. All of our group of friends is always saying that he and I are going to end up together, so I know I'm not mind-tricking myself into believing this. But the thing is, there are so many things in our way.
First of all, I had a fling with his best friend over this past Christmas. Also, my best friend went through major feelings for him during the same Christmas break. Second, he's planning to leave on a boat and there's a possibility that I won't see him for 2 years. And, of course, there's the fact that I don't live where he does anymore. But even despite all of that, I'm in so deep with this guy that I still want him to confront me about it.
Is it wrong that I want "us" to happen now? Should I just be patient and see what happens in the future? Or should I just try to forget about him and move on with my life? Please help.
Oh dear. I do understand where you're coming from, by all means. Look, I'm 20 yrs old, and by now I've come to learn that you shouldn't make someone an priority who only makes you an option. I get that you experience this amazing sense of being around him, and that's great. But, before you sacrifice your time waiting on him or miss your chance by moving on, it sounds like you two need to talk about your unspoken feelings for each other. That way, you can be definite you're on the same page to begin with, you know?
Pushing yourself on him is something you shouldn't do, though, because that might scare him and we all know most guys hate having to face their true feelings. I recently went through that with a guy, as well. But, when it all comes down to it, follow your heart. It knows who and what you really want, and if he's the guy you want, then by all means, let him be the one who sweeps you off of your feet. If you can make the distance work, then I'm sure you two can figure something out in the end. I wish you the best of luck. Just don't forget to take your head along wherever your heart takes you!