Stop Tickling Me!
By Julia, age 14, New York
Okay, there are two parts to this question. There's this guy in my class called Joe. I've liked him for about a year. PART ONE: Last year I asked him out. He said we should wait till next year (which is this year) but it's been ages and he hasn't talked to me about it. Should I ask him about it or just leave it?
PART TWO: Everyone says he likes me and he acts like he does. He does that classic boy think where he tickles me and teases me, but everyone says he does it cause he likes me. I am seriously confused! And I'm also mature for my age. How do I tell if he likes me or not? And if he doesn't, how can I get him to stop with all the tickling, etc?
Stella (what a great name),
You have some organized questions, so I'll make my answers likewise!
PART ONE: Traditionally I would recommend that in any situation of separation (whether of time, emotion, etc.), parting ways with the situation or person is best. However, based on the information provided in Part Two, Joe seems to be maintaining an honest connection with you. It would be good to ask him where his interest lies.
PART TWO: It is not "classic" for a preteen/teenage guy to tickle a girl his age. This sort of behavior indicates interest, and not the friendship type. Now, while at first this may seem like a great thing, it can be a burden. From the sound of it, Joe can be forward. If you enter into a relationship with him, make sure you are comfortable with its speed. Above all, please realize you (and also I) are still young. As cheesy as it always sounds, there are a lot of "Joes" in the world.
By odd chance, if Joe claims not to favor you, you undoubtedly will be in an odd position. You have the right mind set by not allowing Joe to continue his actions in such a situation; it shows self-worth. As for having him stop, it would be best to just gently ask him! If that fails, tell one of his friends about the situation. Peer support will chip at his efforts.
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Never Been Kissed
I like this one guy. I know, sounds lame. But I've never had a boyfriend before, let alone a first kiss, and I want to know if he likes me back. I have my doubts, but I'm looking for some signs or something. I don't want to completely step out of my comfort zone and ask him if he does because I'm the shy type and I would be pretty uncomfortable if he said no. I don't really know what to do or what to think about him! It's kind of frustrating.
First of all, your question is not "lame." Many girls struggle with this issue, and guys do also. It can be difficult to get a clear reading from guys, especially by those who fear rejection. My best suggestion for you is to start talking to this guy or to do more so. Does he take an interest in what you say? Does he act hesitant around you and/or smile frequently when with you? If so, he could have special feelings.
You briefly mentioned that you are not sure what to think about this boy. Don't feel pressured to have a boyfriend or first kiss, because those things will occur when they are meant to. A short while ago someone informed me of their admiration for me, and I reciprocated the feelings. We now enjoy discussing the eight months we spent confused about each other. You don't have to be blunt to know if one "likes" you, but it does require a little effort on your part. Take an interest in him; people appreciate it. Show him you enjoy his presence. Most importantly, do what seems right. Follow your instincts, and allow change to blossom. Something wonderful could be just around the corner.