Alone and Trying Not to Go Back to Drugs
By Brittany, age 20, Tennessee
Life is very difficult looking back at all the hard times I had with drugs. Always running away not thinking about myself. My parents just stopped caring like before. I feel alone now trying not to go back to drugs. Drugs really affected my life and I just don't make the right decisions. Everything from school to work is so difficult to me. What should I do?
Honey, when people do drugs, they only think about themselves. It's one of the effects of drugs. You lose all interest in everything else and you only get consumed with the want or need to feel good. I'm sure your parents miss wanting to care about you and miss making an impact in your life, but if I were a parent and my kid turned to drugs and ignored everything else, I would feel like such a failure to my child and to myself, you know? Maybe it will just take the time to prove to them your trust back and everything else.
You could try to make friends who have experienced the same addictions with drugs or something else. Or you can always call a hotline to talk to if you really need someone to talk to. I've had plenty of friends who dealt with drugs and are still dealing with them and I do my best to be there for them, but I know I don't know what it's like for them at all, so I hope my advice helped. :) Good luck!
I completely agree with Brittany that the most important thing for you now is a support group - actually as much support as you can find, including friends who don't use drugs, as well as trying to make some brand new friends (again, who don't use), and a small group AA type group for teens who have had drug issues. Your high school counselor, an area pastor or priest, or doctor or hospital (via your parents' health insurance perhaps) can connect you into such a group in your area. And please stay in touch with Brittany and me to let us know how you're doing - whether it's better or worse.
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Sometimes the Truth Hurts
So there is this guy Nico. I went to a school called Me****** for about a month in the beginning of the year last school year. Nico was in my lunch period. My friend Sam introduced us. I thought Nico was loud and a little annoying, but Sam was all over him.
I soon left that school, and in February I was talking to Sam and heard they went out, then about a month later Sam and I were talking and she was telling me how he was a jerk and stuff. They broke up. Sam and I stopped talking then.
In late June I randomly got a Facebook message from Nico. We started talking and I gave him my number. He and I talked constantly and became soo close so quickly. He also was flirting with me but I never flirted back.
Then one night we were talking and he was like, "Maybe we'd be a good couple ;) ... just kiddingg."
Then I was like, "Maybe we would," and we ended up going out in the next hour. I knew I was into him, but he seemed way more into me.
We went out for almost 3 weeks, but his mom doesn't want him dating. She read his texts and made him dump me. Now she's all psycho and has this app on her phone tracking our messages. The thing is, I'm like in love with him now, and I can't get over it. I've been talking to him on this Pinger account so she can't read our messages, but he has a new girlfriend. But he's liked her for a really long time.
Yesterday Nico and I were talking, and he said we WILL go back out. Then my friend later was talking to him and he said he can't go back out with me because how much we like each other would never be equal.
We were texting today, then I sent him a message that said, "So is this another broken promise or are we going to keep talkin till we make this work?" and he never replied. Can you please send me advice fast. But if you're just going to tell me to move on don't even bother. I can't stand hearing that one more time.
He also said, "The more she wants me, the less I want her."
Okay, listen. I mean, really listen. Try to see it from this point of view for a second. Here's a guy whom you no longer go to school with, whose mom obviously can't stand him being with you, who has a girlfriend that's not you, and who tells you one thing to keep you hanging on, but tells your friends (whom he should know would run back and tell you) something different.
But, we all know guys aren't the smartest people in the bunch. If your friend was in this exact situation, regardless of you knowing how it feels, wouldn't you want her to move on? She's literally living in the pain because she chooses to keep the mentality to believe every lie being fed to her by a guy who no longer cares. And if he's not "allowed" to date, why does he have another girlfriend that's not you?
I've been in that situation, hun. I went through hell with a guy who, honestly, just wouldn't be faithful to the girls he was with. I lived two towns away and he fed me the "I love you"s and the "You're perfect, why would I want anyone else" bull. Yet, where we were friends on networking internet sites, I could see him dating other girls and telling them the same stuff, but I let myself believe that it meant something different between me and him when it never really did. He even used the excuse one time that the reason we couldn't be together was because his parents didn't want him dating, but focusing on school because he kept "acting out."
It's not a fun road to go down if you honestly don't TRY to find someone better and closer that you can see every day who would be so much nicer to you. I'm sure you're such a beautiful girl, and not only this Nico guy would be completely interested. He's only hanging you by a string because he knows that you let him, and he knows that while he makes you chase him, you will.
But, if you don't like my advice, by all means, ask someone else. But, honey, take it from someone whose been through the EXACT SAME THING. Really. Especially when you're 13. There's definitely "more fish in the sea." I know it's not what you want to hear, but most of the time, the things we don't want to hear are the things that we know, deep down, are true. But, I wish you the best of luck in this situation because if you choose to keep being his rag doll, it's one road of misery you're about to travel.