Dear Diary (Part 2)

By Charlotte, age 19, England, United Kingdom

Dear diary, things got complicated ...

After my realisation that I might lose the guy I really like by not wanting to wear the label of his girlfriend, I decided to stop being so hesitant about things. It was a big step for me, and although I was nervous I kept reminding myself, if it doesn't work then it's not the end of the world.

Well, I'm not convinced it's the end of the world, but I'm also not convinced it's working either.

You hear about these boys who change when they're with their friends: they won't hold their girlfriend's hand, don't really pay them much attention, they seem to stop being a boyfriend and start being "one of the boys." While I've heard about these boys, and a couple of friends have been unlucky enough to bag one of these boys, I've never been through the experience myself ... until now.

When he suggested me meeting his friends I admittedly felt a flutter of butterflies mainly because, for girls at least, when you let your boyfriend meet your friends it's a big thing - is it the same for boys? I don't know, but it felt like a big thing. With anticipation and excitement we agreed to meet them in town, grab a shake, get to know each other - he seem convinced that I would fit right in with his crowd. After 30 minutes, half a shake and very little conversation, it seemed quite obvious that not only was I not fitting in, but I was completely being pushed out!

I know I was reluctant to put a label on us, and that he's the one that pushed for it, but it's that fact that makes it so hard for me to understand why he's so different around his friends when he's the one who wanted us to be together. It almost seems like when he's around me he has a girlfriend but when he's around his friends he's single, and that makes me really nervous. This will sound like I'm accusing him of something already, but how often does he forget he's single? Because if this happens a lot, then I don't see much of a relationship here. It really bothered me, and for a few days afterwards I could feel myself becoming more and more distant with him, and even though I knew it wouldn't help, I still felt like I needed to detach myself a little.

Now I've given myself some time to think about it, and I finally grew the guts I needed to talk to him! He said he had no idea he was even acting differently, which I can actually believe because we all act differently around certain people, don't we? I tell my friends things that I wouldn't tell my boyfriend, equally I tell my boyfriend stuff that I wouldn't tell my friends, so obviously I'll act differently around different people. I think the thing that bothered me was how different he was acting.

I suppose the thing it's sometimes hard to remember is that even when you're in a relationship with someone it's important to keep part of yourself, as much as yourself, as possible. My boyfriend acts a certain way around his friends, and I act a certain way around mine, but I guess that's just who we are. It doesn't seem to matter much who we are when we're apart, as long as we're brilliant when we're together. And as long as we're always ourselves, because when the relationship goes away, we're all that we're really left with ...

Write soon.

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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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