Dear Diary (Part 2)
By Charlotte, age 19, England, United Kingdom
Dear diary, things got complicated ...
After my realisation that I might lose the guy I really like by not wanting to wear the label of his girlfriend, I decided to stop being so hesitant about things. It was a big step for me, and although I was nervous I kept reminding myself, if it doesn't work then it's not the end of the world.
Well, I'm not convinced it's the end of the world, but I'm also not convinced it's working either.
You hear about these boys who change when they're with their friends: they won't hold their girlfriend's hand, don't really pay them much attention, they seem to stop being a boyfriend and start being "one of the boys." While I've heard about these boys, and a couple of friends have been unlucky enough to bag one of these boys, I've never been through the experience myself ... until now.
When he suggested me meeting his friends I admittedly felt a flutter of butterflies mainly because, for girls at least, when you let your boyfriend meet your friends it's a big thing - is it the same for boys? I don't know, but it felt like a big thing. With anticipation and excitement we agreed to meet them in town, grab a shake, get to know each other - he seem convinced that I would fit right in with his crowd. After 30 minutes, half a shake and very little conversation, it seemed quite obvious that not only was I not fitting in, but I was completely being pushed out!
I know I was reluctant to put a label on us, and that he's the one that pushed for it, but it's that fact that makes it so hard for me to understand why he's so different around his friends when he's the one who wanted us to be together. It almost seems like when he's around me he has a girlfriend but when he's around his friends he's single, and that makes me really nervous. This will sound like I'm accusing him of something already, but how often does he forget he's single? Because if this happens a lot, then I don't see much of a relationship here. It really bothered me, and for a few days afterwards I could feel myself becoming more and more distant with him, and even though I knew it wouldn't help, I still felt like I needed to detach myself a little.
Now I've given myself some time to think about it, and I finally grew the guts I needed to talk to him! He said he had no idea he was even acting differently, which I can actually believe because we all act differently around certain people, don't we? I tell my friends things that I wouldn't tell my boyfriend, equally I tell my boyfriend stuff that I wouldn't tell my friends, so obviously I'll act differently around different people. I think the thing that bothered me was how different he was acting.
I suppose the thing it's sometimes hard to remember is that even when you're in a relationship with someone it's important to keep part of yourself, as much as yourself, as possible. My boyfriend acts a certain way around his friends, and I act a certain way around mine, but I guess that's just who we are. It doesn't seem to matter much who we are when we're apart, as long as we're brilliant when we're together. And as long as we're always ourselves, because when the relationship goes away, we're all that we're really left with ...