By Shanice, age 15, South Africa
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
The thing about frenemies is that they have the best of both worlds; they know every secret of yours (as a friend would) and every weakness (as an enemy would).
There isn't a single girl on earth who can honestly say that she's never had a frenemy. Having frenemies is common. Finding and fighting them off, however, isn't. Here are a few tips for spotting a frenemy and how to deal.
The best part of frenemies - or the only good part, rather - is the fact that 99.9% of the time it stems from jealousy. Whoever said that "the only reason why someone would hate you is 'cuz they want to be just like you" was right.
Think about it - would you really waste your time, effort, and breath making snide remarks at someone you didn't really care much for? Of course not! But if it was someone you hated? Well, that's a completely different story.
Then you'd spend every minute and every moment possible, trying to make them feel inferior.
As a frenemy does.
It's Not Me, It's You
Along with inferiority, frenemies bring with them terrible guilt. After all, what could you have done to deserve such hatred? Like I mentioned before, a frenemy is born when jealousy hits an overload.
To quote Sandra Bernhard: "There are so few women in general who aren't completely threatened and confused by other women's success. It's very disappointing."
No matter how harshly your frenemy's actions impact on you, remember that it is not your fault. She is the one who's so insecure that bringing others down is the only way she can make herself feel good.
How to Spot a Frenemy
Frenemies come in different shapes and sizes. They have different life-ruining habits and tactics. Some are boyfriend-stealers, some are gossipers. All are as manipulative as they come.
You know you have a frenemy when:
- You have a pal you just can't trust. She's crossed you once before or you fear that she will.
- You try to avoid spending time with her for 'no apparent reason.'
- You have a sinking feeling in your gut whenever you see her. That's your intuition talking and trying to get you to stay away from her. Listen to it - it's your best and most honest friend.
- Another sign to watch for is insincerity. A frenemy is never sincere.
What to Do with a Frenemy
Despite being a fan of 90210, Gossip Girl, Mean Girls, etc., and their frenemy relationships, I strongly believe that this is where frenemies should stay - on TV.
Frenemies are toxic, physically and emotionally draining, and a waste of space. Here's how to untangle them out of your life ... safely.
- Cut down contact with her. Try to lessen the amount of time you spend with her.
- When you do speak to her, don't make any plans to hang out.
- Keep things friendly, but not too friendly. Remember, she's dropped from friend to frenemy - an acquaintance.
- Don't share personal information such as financial problems and pending decisions.
With any luck, your frenemy will get the hint and you'll be frenemy-free.