Out With the Old, In With the New
By Kate, age 18, New Hampshire
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
Hey ladies! Can you believe it's already 2010? Half the school year is already gone! I hope Midterms/Finals went well for all of you! And I hope everyone had a great holiday! I know I did!
As a college student, my first semester ended the first week of December, and classes started again on January 20th. It was exciting to have all that time off, but it also left me with not a lot of things to write about college-wise. I've (hopefully) helped you with my many college articles, giving you some insight on what it's like in college. So, what's left?
Helloooo? Enough about academics! I'm sure you want to hear about the friends, the "friends," and the relationships. And I figure now would be as good a time as any to talk about that part of college life.
For me, winter break came at a perfect time, and I am SO grateful for it. The first semester has been so crazy, I really needed to get away. But it hasn't been just the classes that have gotten to me. I've had my share of boy problems already! More than I ever expected or wanted!
I came into college unattached and honestly uninterested in a relationship. But that changed very quickly, and within the first week of school, I already had a dinner/movie date with Tyler. Before long, Tyler and I became official. He is so sweet and honestly the best thing that could ever happen to me. The problem? I wasn't looking for a relationship, especially a month into school. I knew I had rushed into things too soon, and there were so many other guys I could only admire from afar. I didn't even have a chance to look around at all the options!
I knew it wasn't fair to him and I didn't want to ruin a great friendship, so after a face-to-face conversation, the relationship was off. Within minutes, though, we were playing video games in my room and joking like we always did. To this day, we are still friends. Who knows, maybe we can try again in the future.
But the drama doesn't end there. Just when I thought I had cleared my life of stress, the rest paraded in.
Over the semester, I started to become friends with two other guys, one of them, Luke. From first glance, Luke just looks like one of the hottest things you've ever seen, but also seems like a bit of a tool. But I started to get to know him and we quickly became close. He is an RA at my college and often has to spend nights in the office or in other buildings. I spent a lot of time with him on the nights he had to work. We went to the mall together, made late night fast food runs together, and I even stayed with him until three in the morning watching movies.
Before I knew it, I was head over heels for him. Not only was he the hottest guy ever, but I was actually his best friend. The problem? He was still attached to his ex-girlfriend of three years. But when you like someone so much, you think you can make things better, be the change in their life.
That's what I thought. One night, he admitted he was attracted to me, and I thought, hey, maybe there's a future for us. It wasn't long before we started to cuddle during the movies, and then I started to spend nights in his room. It became almost a daily thing, and I only fell harder for him. We talked about everything and it was so easy to be myself. He made me laugh and feel so good about myself, and I didn't want that to change.
But then he started to get involved with his ex again. They would hang out during the day, but then at night they would be fighting. And during this, he would continue to ask me to spend the night with him.
I finally confronted him and realized we were not on the same page. He didn't want a relationship, and I did. I liked him so much, but he only liked me as a friend. I was so upset and felt so betrayed. But when I told him how I felt, he seemed to understand. He said he didn't want to lose me as a friend, so friends we stayed.
We continued to hang out, and then it seemed to start all over again. We cuddled, we kissed, we slept. And again, there were more problems with him and his ex. And again, I confronted him. This time, we agreed not to do anything at all anymore.
And then one night, he texted me saying he wanted to cuddle. I was furious with him, but it was late and I didn't want to get into an argument, so I replied with "haha." The next day, he posted on my Facebook asking if I wanted to hang out. Was he stupid? I thought he got the hint that I was upset with him. Another fight erupted, and this time I couldn't help but to just sit and cry. I didn't want him to see me, but he insisted we talk about this in person. He seemed so upset about what had happened. He said he was just a little drunk and didn't mean it. He told me he cared about me so much and valued my friendship. And before he left, he gave me a hug.
We were both on the same page at that point. We knew how the other felt. He was only physically attracted to me, but we agreed to just be friends and nothing more.
And just as soon as I thought the drama was over, it began again. He sent another text just days later, late at night, saying he wanted me.
I told myself that I wasn't dealing with this anymore. I had given him too many chances, so I replied telling him not to talk to me ever again. He texted me through the night saying he was sorry and begging me to talk to him, but I ignored every text.
The next day he tried to talk to me online and, again, I told him not to talk to me. This time, he agreed.
While all this was happening, I was so distraught and upset that I started to become close with another friend, Kyle. I told him everything that had happened between Luke and me, and Kyle was there for me, all the time. I knew Kyle had feelings for me, but I didn't want to deal with anything else, and he understood. He never pushed or pressured me to do anything; he was just the perfect friend. And, though I wish things could have worked out between Luke and me (and I admit, I still have feelings for him - I can't help melting every time I see him), I think I am starting to have feelings for Kyle as well.
And what's even worse, both Luke and Kyle are best friends with Tyler. How in the world did I end up in this love triangle?
I was SO glad to just be away from everything and to spend the break away from the drama. It was so much easier not having to see Luke everywhere I go, and it was also easier now that he doesn't talk to me.
But, of course, Luke and I started talking again. This time, I tried a different approach - the "I-don't-give-a-sh*t-approach". I started to joke with him like we used to, but that was it. Has it worked? Who knows. But I don't really care anymore; Kyle and I have gotten so close, and I think there might be a positive future for us.
But still, sometimes I wonder why I can't take my own advice. Why do we put ourselves through this crap?
Moral of this story? I could tell you not to rush into a relationship the first month of school - you could miss out on something better! Or, I could also say, "Don't ever get too attached." But I've told myself these things, and in the end, it happened. But that's life. Sure, someone might tell you not to get involved with so-and-so or you-name-it, but does that mean you're going to listen? No. That's what we do; we're curious, and we want to find things out for ourselves. Maybe that's how we learn lessons, even if it means falling for the same guy and getting used every time.
My only advice is that whatever you do, remember to learn something in the end. Remember who you are and, if in a crappy relationship, remember you deserve better. Don't lose your head, always stand your ground, and reach for the stars. College can be stressful enough. But no matter what happens relationship-wise, if it's not your happy ending, then it isn't the end of your fairytale just yet. Plus, you have your whole life ahead of you. But don't spend the present constantly stuck on the future. Live for the moment; live for the now. Live for whatever happens, and I promise, you will be happy.