REAL LIFE

Settling (Part 2)

By Emily, age 21, Texas
Sweet Designs Featured Writer

You might have read my previous article about having to settle* for what life was giving for the time being. And for the longest while, I thought that I would never do it. That was until the last few months.

I met my most recent boyfriend Kyle** on eHarmony.com. We went out on our first date right after I got off work. And let me tell you, it was not a good first impression. I knew that he'd been homeschooled and that he was shy, but I had to make almost all of the conversation, and saying that the dinner was awkward would be an understatement. So at the end of the date, when we were parting ways, I told him that I would love to go out again. It was a bit of an exaggeration.

So we talked by text message for the next week. For the most part it was just small talk. Then he asked me to go out for a movie. I said sure, why not? So we went to go see a movie that he wanted to see (a man's movie) and we didn't do much talking. Directly after the movie, we went home.

So we kept talking and kept going out. Eventually he got to meet my friends and I met his parents. The more we saw each other, the more I felt like I was in a relationship, which was fine, except that we were completely different people. I'm very social and he's very shy. I have a lot of friends (close and just acquainted) and he had none. I liked to go places and he was a homebody. As much as I liked Kyle, it bothered me that he didn't put as much initiative into our relationship as I did.

One day, after about 3 months of dating, it occurred to me that I might be settling for Kyle. I never really expected our relationship to go as far as it did, so it never really dawned on me. I asked friends about what they thought, and my friend Ken** finally made me a pros and cons list. There were hardly any pros and a whole lot of cons. After that, whether subconsciously or on purpose, I became extremely emotionally detached.

So I ended my relationship with Kyle, and I explained to him (the break-up friendly version) why I thought it was best that we not see each other anymore. But it was a clean break-up and we've agreed to still be friends.

I just felt that he deserved someone who could love and appreciate him for exactly who he was, and so do I.


* "Settling" (May '10)"
** Names have been changed.

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