The Weight Game
By Emily, age 21, Texas
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
For a couple years, I had an eating disorder, now known as Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). I was constantly fluctuating in weight and had a very unhealthy eating regimen which consisted of days of eating next to nothing and then days of eating a whole lot. For a while it was okay because I did two hours of cardio a day, five days a week. That was until I got to university. I lived in a dorm, so I was required to eat the cafeteria food, which consisted of terrible food with very little nutritional value. And I ate A LOT of it. So, instead of gaining the freshman 15, I gained the freshman 50.
So now I look in the mirror and I'm more comfortable with myself that I ever was when I was thin, but I still hate my body. I constantly vow to myself that I'll lose weight, so I never buy clothes for myself, because I hate clothes shopping. I hate having to try on size 32 jeans or size XL shirts. I long for the days when I could squeeze into a size 30.
So why haven't I done anything about it? I keep telling myself that it's laziness, but what if it's not just laziness? I've always had sort of an eating disorder mentality, and I've always thought that I should be a skinny twig, and I've always wanted a full-blown eating disorder. So what if this "see food diet" is my eating disorder? What if I'm doomed to be fat forever?
Since I moved to Houston, my weight has hit sort of a plateau. I'm stuck at the 170 mark for the time being, which makes me happy that I've not gained any more weight. But now I have a boyfriend who is physically fit, and I'm just fat. I don't want to be the kind of girl he wants to date because he doesn't think nobody else will want me. I also don't want to be the "fat girl" with the "skinny guy" that everyone on the street sees.
So, with that being said out loud to hundreds or possibly even thousands of people, maybe this is the time to start doing something about my weight problem, so that I can finally enjoy clothes shopping again or so that I won't be "that fat girl" on the streets anymore.