The Weight Game

By Emily, age 21, Texas
Sweet Designs Featured Writer

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For those of you who have kept up with my work in Sweet Designs Magazine, I have a weight problem. I always have. And by weight problem, I mean that I've always had a problem with how much I weigh.

For a couple years, I had an eating disorder, now known as Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). I was constantly fluctuating in weight and had a very unhealthy eating regimen which consisted of days of eating next to nothing and then days of eating a whole lot. For a while it was okay because I did two hours of cardio a day, five days a week. That was until I got to university. I lived in a dorm, so I was required to eat the cafeteria food, which consisted of terrible food with very little nutritional value. And I ate A LOT of it. So, instead of gaining the freshman 15, I gained the freshman 50.

So now I look in the mirror and I'm more comfortable with myself that I ever was when I was thin, but I still hate my body. I constantly vow to myself that I'll lose weight, so I never buy clothes for myself, because I hate clothes shopping. I hate having to try on size 32 jeans or size XL shirts. I long for the days when I could squeeze into a size 30.

So why haven't I done anything about it? I keep telling myself that it's laziness, but what if it's not just laziness? I've always had sort of an eating disorder mentality, and I've always thought that I should be a skinny twig, and I've always wanted a full-blown eating disorder. So what if this "see food diet" is my eating disorder? What if I'm doomed to be fat forever?

Since I moved to Houston, my weight has hit sort of a plateau. I'm stuck at the 170 mark for the time being, which makes me happy that I've not gained any more weight. But now I have a boyfriend who is physically fit, and I'm just fat. I don't want to be the kind of girl he wants to date because he doesn't think nobody else will want me. I also don't want to be the "fat girl" with the "skinny guy" that everyone on the street sees.

So, with that being said out loud to hundreds or possibly even thousands of people, maybe this is the time to start doing something about my weight problem, so that I can finally enjoy clothes shopping again or so that I won't be "that fat girl" on the streets anymore.

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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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