Does He Like Me for My Body or for Me?
By Kate, age 19, New Hampshire
Sweet Designs Staff Intern
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
Rosie, 14
First and most importantly - girls are surrounded by pressures every day, one of those being to look good. Especially in high school. There are some guys out there that are only interested in having the most attractive girlfriend, and when something better comes along, they'll do anything they can to get it. Of course, this doesn't apply to all guys, but it certainly isn't uncommon for men to be interested solely in looks.
That being said, it brings me to my second point: don't ever feel the need to flaunt your body. It is too easy to fit in with the stereotypes of today's world, just to be accepted by others. And it is those people who are often looked down upon. If you're not careful, you will start hearing nasty things being said about you. Don't be that girl! Don't give guys what they want - that will just make things harder for you. Especially when it comes to wondering if he actually likes you for you, or just for your body.
Plus, you mentioned that you never really hung out before. Of course, I don't want you to judge this guy and assume he's a jerk who only likes you for your looks, but don't automatically assume he likes you for you, either. When it comes to potential relationships, you have to get to know the person, first. Never jump into something with someone you hardly know or even hang out with.
My advice is that you hang out with him some more, but don't flaunt your body. Don't make yourself look easy. Show him your true self, and show him that you're not going to put up with crap, either.
And just a side note, something I like to tell people - don't go for the guy who calls you hot. Go for the one who calls you beautiful. Real, decent men know how to be respectful to women, even in the words they choose to say. Of course it's nice to be called hot and sexy every now and then, but most of the time, guys that say that are seeing you exactly as you are on the outside and nothing more. Don't go after a tool! Find someone who respects you and likes you for who you are, inside and out.
And remember, you're only in high school. If things don't work out, it's not the end of the world. Life goes on; you will find better! Good luck out there!
Kate
* * * * *
Well, my name is Sarah, and let's just say I'm not the best with relationships. I know you're probably going to say just stop going after him - the thing is I HAVE tried. It's a little hard when he's your closest friend. His name is Rory.
I'll start from the beginning. Last summer I was dating this guy, Kyle. Rory helped me out through the WHOLE relationship. Always there for me, and I helped him with going out with my friend, Leah. Leah and Rory never even met. I don't even get why they called it a real relationship. I probably shouldn't talk because of all my idiotic relationships I've had.
Well, I finally realized it, Kyle was an a******. We broke up, then the next day Leah and Rory broke up. Even when I was going out with Kyle, I knew I liked Rory more then Kyle. There wasn't anything I could do about it.
After Leah and Rory broke up me and Rory started talking, like all flirty, he called me cute and started to say he was falling for me. I know, it's wrong for me to go out with my friend's ex-boyfriend. The thing is they NEVER met, and me and him were friends since K, we walked to school together since 5th grade, I tell him everything, and he was probably a closer friend to me then she ever was!
Well, when summer came we went out for three days. He broke up with me. He was sweet about it. I mean, a breakup cannot ever be sweet, but he admitted to being a d*** and all that stuff. Well, we continued talking, and soon we just stopped. He said that I was annoying. I didn't know what to do, it came out of nowhere! My heart was officially broken. I kept trying to get him to talk to me again, but nothing worked so eventually I just gave up!
About 5 months or so into this school year he just texted me. I dyed my hair and he kept telling me he liked it and it was pretty. As soon as I got his first text I knew I still liked him. After that day I thought we'd continue not talking, but he kept texting me. I was soo surprised.
Now we have been talking again for about four months. Last month he asked, "Anything on your mind?" I told him how I felt. He had soo much drama with his family going on I knew I shouldn't have said anything and put him in that position. I just didn't know what to do. So I sent the text, and he told me he felt the same way, just too much stuff already going on with him.
Well, now it's a month later. He told me he is going to ask his ex girlfriend Racchle back out. Rach was a jerk to him. He deserves way better, even if it's not me! I'm not saying this just so they don't go out, I'd be heartbroken even if it was the nicest girl on earth, but still ... her? She put him through a lot. I think I love him. Help me, please. I just don't know what to do.
Sarah, 13
Sarah,
First off - love is a tough thing. It's okay that you still love him, but realize that you're only 13. You have so many years of love ahead of you! Don't let this guy get you down, especially if there's as much drama as you say there is. Don't get involved with someone who goes back out with ex girlfriends, is nice, then acts like a jerk, and stuff like that, because it's not worth your time.
Plus, you might be someone else and realize that you weren't really in love with him; you just thought you were. You could meet someone who totally changes your life and treats you the way you deserve to be treated and doesn't play mind games with you. You could meet him sooner than you think! So don't let this guy hold you back from exploring your options and seeing what's out there. Because, trust me, there's a lot! You will be going into high school and will meet more people, then college - you'll meet even more!
Every girl has been in your position - you just have to remember to keep your head up, stay strong, and keep your eyes toward the future. Not every guy will be Mr. Right, and many may cause lots of drama, but that's part of life and growing up.
So, as far as what you should do? Well, I can't tell you what to do, only make suggestions. In the end, you should do what you want to do. But, my personal opinion, and from my own personal experience, I would move on. Like I said, if he's that much drama, he's not worth it! And you have a whole lifetime of guys ahead of you! Don't hold back for him. Show him you're not going to play games, and if someone else comes along, be afraid to go out with him. Your life is yours, no one else's, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also, don't be afraid to still be in love with him if you are. Eventually, that feeling might fade away and be replaced with a new love for someone else. Of course, that feeling might not fade away. There might always be a place in your heart for him, maybe not romantically, but as a really great friendship and love you once had. I dated someone in high school who was my real first love, I think, and I will always remember the fun times we had together. Because of that, there will always be that love I once had for him, but it's not the same as the love I felt for him at the time. That has faded and I realize now that it was just a silly crush. Love for me has a whole new meaning now that I've met my current boyfriend of almost two years, and he is someone I truly love.
Love is a tough thing, but as you grow, you will learn and experience all the different kinds of love out there. Some aren't real, some last forever. But like I said many times before, don't let it hold you back! You have so much love to experience, and some day you will look back at this and realize why it didn't work out with anyone else - because you will meet your true love. Go find him!
Kate
