A Month Full of Love

By Alisha, age 23, Massachusetts
Sweet Designs Featured Writer

Featured Gold Star Writer Bio

It's that time of year again. It's February, and we all know what that means. It's Valentine's Day. It's a day many love while others dread - like myself. Valentine's Day is a day to be romantic and to spend time with your significant other. When people look at me, what many will see on the outside is not what is on the inside. On the outside is a smiling face and twinkling eyes, while on the inside, my heart is in pieces and aching with pain.

For me, Valentine's Day just puts a damper on things. I don't have a boyfriend, making it that much harder. To just sit back and watch my friends go out with their significant other on romantic dates makes me want to just tune out the world and stay that way for a while. It feels like I'm not going to be good enough for anyone, but I know that I am good enough for someone - I just haven't found him yet. Mr. Right is out there somewhere for me.

Over the years, it has bothered me when someone would talk about their boyfriend or girlfriend and that's all they would talk about. It gets annoying after a while because I am not in a relationship with anyone. It's even worse when you're invited to go to dinner with them; I feel like a third wheel. In time, the third wheel feeling would go numb and it wasn't so bad. But to me, this feeling always stuck out like a sore thumb around Valentine's Day.

As the years went by and nothing changed in my love life, in ways I numbed out the feeling and went on with my life as if nothing was wrong. It's not all bad when you are surrounded by friends with boyfriends/girlfriends; it can be fun to hang out all together and get to know one another on a friendship level. I have found that once I got to know my friends' significant others, I was more comfortable around them and didn't always feel like a third wheel. I felt more included in things than before. But now, as I get older, it's getting harder again.

I know that I am not getting any younger and should find someone to love and be with for the rest of my life, to have kids with. As I get older, it gets harder to not want to break down inside and out when I see my friends with their boyfriends/girlfriends, but as time goes on, not only does it get harder, it gets a little easier. I have always minded my own business and distracted myself at this time of the year.

I think that if I were born a week later, on the day I was supposed to be born on, which was Valentine's Day of 1989, everything would have been a little different. I think it would have been that much harder to not think about being the only one sitting at home alone while everyone else was having fun and going out on romantic dates. In some ways, I feel that I am just stuck in a rut and that one day a sweet, nice, handsome guy will come by and scoop me out of it.

I can remember when I was in middle school and when kids used to send out valentines to all of their friends; I would get maybe three to four tops. As my middle school years came and went, the number of valentines I received increased, but not by many. As high school approached and I was entering freshman year, Candy Grams were popular, and I remember that whole year, the whole time the Candy Grams were being sold, bought, and distributed, I received none, and that's what made it difficult. It felt like no one cared about me.

In the end, this is just life and I am just going to live it. No matter if I don't have a boyfriend at the moment and my friends do, I'm going to live life to the fullest and not let it bother me. At the young age of 23, I know that there is someone out there for me who wants to be with me. I just have to be patient and the right one will come along soon enough. Until I find the right guy, I am going to forget about it and be numb through it until the end. I believe that there is no point in being depressed and brokenhearted about it, when you can find something better to do and be happy.

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February & March Magazine Issues

March 15, 2012

The February and March issues of Sweet Designs Magazine are now online, featuring a combined 53 new articles and features!!

- Cover: Stephanie Lynn reflects on 5 years
- Cover: India (of Darn-licious knitwear)
- Life in the dumps (moving in with my bf)
- The difference between men and women
- Angels among us (parts 1 and 2)
- Arts graduates & the dark night of the soul
- Triple threat (how I survived my teen yrs)
- Dating isn't easy (my true story)
- How to turn not-so-great gifts ... (fashion)
- Ten reasons to love being single
- Taking the big leap (college)
- Valentine's Day (not what you'd expect!)
- The last of the cold (hopefully) (fashion)
- A month full of love
- Ten tips for successful airline travel
- Reasons I love writing for SDM
- Who needs love?
- They're not all the same
- The life I'm glad I don't have (fiction)
- Professional dress/ finding Fendi (fashion)
- An airport anniversary: a true story
- Inappropriate Facebook photos
- The perks of a big city (college)
- A night(mare) to forget (part 2)
- The Anita Blake series (book review)
- Saving June by Hannah Harrington (book)
- Under the Mesquite by GG McCall (book)
- The Lullaby by Sarah Dessen (book)
- If I Stay by Gayle Foreman (book review)
- My sweetheart (original poetry)
- Isn't it funny (original poetry)
- The stranger (original poetry)
- A winter wonderland (original poetry)
- One night valentine
- The thick envelopes (college acceptance)
- Southern love
- Healthy hair and vitamins
- It's a date (dating idea alternatives)
- The 30 hour famine
- School's out forever!
- Marching right back into spring? (fashion)
- Dear John
- When TV shows depict your life
- 3 Fun ways to rock spring's hottest trends
- Neglected teeth
- Starting something new
- Guy movies
- To hesitate or dive in?
- Deadly, by Julie Chibbaro (book review)
- Beastly, by Alex Flinn (book review)
- I don't care (poetry)
- Together, alone (poetry)

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