Sweet Advice

By Stephanie Lynn

Relationships

Love Is Blind

Okay, I met this guy and I fell totally in love with him. We had TONS in common and I knew for a fact that I really loved him. Turns out he felt the same way. So we started dating and everything was going absolutely amazing. But a lot of things (bad things) have been going on in his life. He was really confused and now he's saying he's gay. (He was bi before.)

I was completely heartbroken when he told me because, well, really just one thing he said completely crushed me. He said, "I love you, Alli, just not like that anymore. I'm sorry." But he's always telling me that he still loves me, and that I'm the most amazing girl he's ever met, and that if he's ever not gay again, I'd be the first person he'd come to. I really love this guy, and I don't believe that he's completely gay.

My friends are telling me different things. Some are saying, "Just move on. He's obviously not worth your time." Others are saying, "He really loves you. I'm sure he's just confused. He'll get things figured out soon."

Well, I don't want to move on because I just have this really weird feeling that he's going to come to his senses. Yeah, I know. I'm only 13, so what do I know about love? But I really think I truly love this guy. I've had tons of huge crushes in my life, but nothing quite as amazing as this. He's one of my best friends, and I talk to him every day. Even though he broke my heart he makes me happier than anything in the world.

Another thing is, well, I can't really see him because he's on house arrest, and in November he's moving like 700 miles away. It's gonna be so hard having him so far away. It's already hard not being able to see him.

I'm just really confused right now, and I guess what I really want to know is ... Should I just move on or should I wait a little while and see if he gets things figured out?
Allison, 13

I don't think you should move on. And who cares if your 13?!?!? Love is love no matter what age. If you feel it, you feel it. And I'm sorry to hear what happened. If your heart is into it you shouldn't move on. You are playing what I call the waiting game. I think you should wait until he moves and settles into his new surroundings before taking any action. And who knows? Maybe he'll come to his senses before he moves. And if not, you guys are still close friends which is a lot more important. So either way you win. I know it may not feel like that, but it's true.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is to wait a little while and see what happens. And whatever happens, happens. I hope that things work out well between you guys.

I hope the best for you. And if you ever need someone to talk to or to just rant things to I'm here to help. (:

Much love,
Jenny

Will Romance Kill the Friendship?

I have liked this boy I talk to on the daily basis & he also likes me back, but there's one thing that is stopping us from talking. I used to talk to his homeboy last year (he's 18), but they weren't close last year like they so suddenly have become this year. I really like the boy & I grew up with him. To tell you the truth, I think I'm falling in love with him! But I don't want to lose him over love. He's like a best friend to me! What should I do???
LaPorsche, 15

Just talk to him. It might hurt his friend but he has to realize that you really have feelings for this person. Now this boy that you could possibly be in love with ... he's like your best friend, and if you two start on a relationship you don't want things to end up in flames and you two never speaking again. That's why you two may need to come up with an agreement. Make sure that you two are both ready to go the next step, to take the risk. Because there could be a possibility that it wouldn't work out and you might not end the relationship perfectly. But if you really love him and both of you put effort into it then you can make it work.
Bianca

Too Many Men ... Too Little Time

Alright, to get straight to the point, there's a guy Brad (I really have fallen for him!) and another guy, Will, whom I've already dated but still have feelings for. Will claims he'll wait for me to come back, but then adds pressure to his statement when he says, "But I can't wait forever." Brad, on the other hand, I've just met. (Yes, I've already broken the ice and talked to him.) But it seems like every girl at the school has hidden feelings for him. So Will might be an easier option, but Brad is what my heart is screaming for. I dunno what to do.
Jennie, 14

Well, first of all, you need to ask yourself whom do YOU want? It doesn't matter how long Will will wait or how many girls have "hidden" feelings for Brad. It matters what YOU want. You say you still have feelings for Will, but are you sure? You shouldn't get with someone you don't want to be with because you'll NEVER be really happy.
Bianca

I Don't Like Him ... I LOVE Him!!

I've been friends with this guy for about two years. We've dated, but since I'm young it was just because we liked each other. This year I started liking him again, but this time - I don't know how to say this - but I don't like him ... I think I love him! We are really close friends, and I tell him everything! But he always has a girlfriend. He's never single, and I don't know how to tell him I love him, and I'm scared it'll ruin our friendship! What should I do?
Caroline, 12

Ok ...whoa. Now I know this is probably something you don't want to hear, but you're only 12. You're a little too young to be loving anyone or even worrying about that. I personally think that you should wait a little while before you start thinking about love or committing yourself to anyone.
Bianca

How Was I Supposed to Know??

I was just talking to my ex, and he said I don't like you anymore, so stop calling me. Eh ... that hurt a lot. He's just mad 'cuz I f***ed around with his cousin ... but how was I supposed to know they were cousins? I didn't know. It ain't like he was wearing a name tag saying I'm his cousin! What should I do??
Jazmine, 16

Well, first of all, you shouldn't have been messing around with ANYBODY, so I don't really blame him. Second of all, you need to go apologize. I'm not saying that this will make you guys get back together, but it will help somewhat. Third, you should go and try to talk things out. I doubt he'll take you back, but hey, you never know.
Bianca

Well, obviously he's mad you fooled around with his cousin. It's someone close to him, and he knows him, so it's a lot harder to deal with, so basically he has a right to be upset. He probably may still like you which is why he is so hurt. So basically all you can do is apologize, and say "Hey, man, didn't mean to hurt you like this. I just didn't have any idea you were cousins."

Say that you guys are no longer together, so you really are allowed to fool around with whomever you want. Just try to stay out of the family tree - that can get messy.
Elizabeth

Ever heard the expression "There are more fish in the sea?" Well, I'm basically telling you to forget both of these losers. Yes, I said both. His cousin should have known and your ex needs to get over himself because you guys are not dating. So move on to another guy and take things slow! Don't rush into anything! GOOD LUCK!

Love,
Chloe

Your best bet is to let things cool down a bit. Just give him some time to cool off. Maybe in a few weeks you can give him a call and see if he'll give you a chance to explain. If not, he is your ex. "Ex" is for a reason. Usually "exs" can't be friends because there is too much hurt to be friends. But if you really don't want to lose his friendship give him a bit of time. Also, if you're friends with the cousin, still talk to him. Maybe he can clear things up a bit. But don't sweat it. Like I said, he must be an ex for a reason.

Sincerely,
Lauren

Approaching Him Without Chickening Out

This boy and I are really shy to talk to each other. We are planning to talk on Thursday night at our church's youth group. How do I do it without chickening out????
Lily, 12

Just be yourself. That's the only thing you can do. If he doesn't like you for you then he's not good enough. You shouldn't have to put on any kind of act or be embarrassed. If you're confident then you'll do just fine and won't feel nervous at all.
Bianca

I understand that you have a crush on this boy, but since you're 12, I suggest waiting a few years to turn this friendship into a "romance". At this age, you should have friends, not boyfriends.
Kristin

He Has Every Great Quality ... Except He Doesn't Like Me

Okay, so I've really liked this guy for about 4 months or more, and everything about him makes me feel good. I find him attractive. He's funny, nice, and charming. He always helps me out and always says the right thing. He's fun to hang with. I ended up telling him I like him, and at first it all went well and he said he liked me too, but then out of nowhere a few days later he suggested that we should just stay friends. I'm not sure what happened, but it's been 2 months since then, and I'm still madly what I call in love. I've never felt this way about a guy before. He just makes me really happy, but he doesn't like me and just wants to stay friends. I don't know if there is any way I can get over him. What should I do?
Beth, 14

You should respect his wishes. I know that you say you're still "madly in love" with him, but you CAN'T MAKE someone like or love you if they don't want to. Of course it's going to be hard, but staying friends is probably best for the two of you anyway.
Bianca

His Ex-GF Broke Us Up

Hey, I'm about 17 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been dating about 6 months now, I'd say. We're serious, but he's in the National Guard. He comes home in September. I miss him a lot and I love him a lot. One problem ... his ex girlfriend of 4 years broke us up about 3 weeks ago. He then realized he did care about me and dumped her to get back with me. I talk to him every night, and he says he loves me. But I don't know. I've talked to him about it before, but I have no idea what to think or what to do anymore. It's like we've known each other forever. We lived together before he left. Well, he stayed here 24/7. Anyway, my question is "Does he really care?" I'm good friends with his little sister, and she says he does care. What do I do?
Brittany, 17

Having a boyfriend in the service is a really hard thing to deal with!! The distance always leaves you with some doubt and a little distrust. So your boyfriend dumped you for his ex of four years? If they were together that long they must have really been in love. Sometimes if you break up and a second chance comes along we all like to see if the love that once was is still there. Truth is, if you love someone you never stop loving them. You just started to let the feelings of attraction slip away. If you've talked to him about how you feel that was a very good start!! But right now you're probably hurting because of what happened and how he handled things, and the distance probably plays a big role in it because you think you can't trust him enough to be that far away. That's ok. Trust can be won as easily as it can be lost. He's coming home in September. If I were you I would see if you make it to September, then when he comes home talk about it more, and really put all your feelings and fears on the table. If he didn't care about you he wouldn't be with you. If his little sister says he cares, don't you think a sibling would know her brother well enough to tell you?

Good Luck,
Mia C.

I Told Him I Didn't Like Him ... I Lied

So Steph, I dunno, this is hard. I really like this boy, but we kinda got in a fight, and I told him I didn't like him. Now he won't talk to me at all. He just tells me to stop lying to myself because he knows I don't like him, so why should he bother liking me? I do like him though ... a lot. But he doesn't believe me, and I seriously don't want to lose his friendship. How can I prove to him that I don't hate him because he seems to think I do? Without looking like a weirdo. And without just telling him forget it or to get over it. I can't lose him. He's the best thing that's happened to me in a while. Help, please?
Amber, 15

Here's what you do. Sit him down and tell him, first off, "This is how I feel, and if you don't believe me, so be it. I won't waste my time trying to prove to you how I feel. If you won't take me at my word." Then tell him how you feel. If he doesn't believe you then, just forget about him and move on. It'll be hard, but you're a girl, and a teenage one at that, which means you're tough, you're smart, and most of all, you're independent. Guys come and go, so us girls gotta learn how to let go.

Best of luck,
Mia C.

He Cheated on Me, But I Still Want Him

Ohkay, so I went out with this guy on and off for about 8 months. Things were rocky, but we usually got through everything. And after a while I fell in love with him. He said he felt the same way, but it was still awkward to say it to each other. One day I was at my friend's house when my other friend IM'd me and told me my boyfriend was cheating on me! So I immediately flipped out and broke up with him. He completely broke my heart.

I still missed him a lot and still cared about him a lot. So after a month I started talking to him again because he used to be my best friend, and it was hard losing a boyfriend and best friend at the same time, so I figured we could stay friends. Then he told me he still loved me and was sorry and all this stuff. But I told him I was over him and he needed to move on too. (Obviously I was lying because I still loved him, but I knew we could never be together, so I thought by lying we could just be friends and forget our relationship happened.)

So then I found out he was talking to one of my best friends and they started going out. I was crushed and felt betrayed by both of them. Now I don't know what I should do. For some reason I still love him. And I don't know if I should stay friends with my best friend because she goes out with him. I need major advice.
Amber, 14

This is my advice for you, plain and simple. Never lie about your feelings for someone. Do you want to honestly live your life around "What if?" If you love him, then you need to tell him you lied and tell him how you feel. But remember that love is not wanting what you can't have, but needing and caring for what you do have. Just call him up one night. Tell him to meet you somewhere and tell him how you feel. Remember, never dump a friend over a guy, like I keep saying (and lots of people do): Guys are whatever and friends are forever.

Luck!!!
Mia C.

I Cheated on Him... Now I Must Tell Him

I feel very bad because I made a really big mistake! I have had a boyfriend now for three months and I love him very bad! Over the summer holidays I met a boy and we had fun together, but not the fun that friends have. We were very close to one another. My boyfriend was in another country so he didn't know anything. But my remorse is killing me, and I know it will hurt him very much when I tell him about what I've done.

So I thought it's best to end the relationship with my boyfriend. But I can't - I love him. And I know what I did was the thing to hurt him so much that he will never want to hear anything about me forever! I know I have to tell him about it, but at the moment I can't. Every night I lie awake and think about it. Should I end this and say nothing, or should I tell him about everything and be the girl he and his friends will hate forever? Please tell me what to do!
Franny, 16, Germany

The first question is "Whom do you love?" You can't have them both. From what you write I'm going to assume it's your boyfriend, not the "summer guy". Okay, since you apparently love your BF, why would you break up with him? No. It's time to face your mistake. You have to tell him that you cheated on him, and you must bear his anger and his pain. If you tell him that you love him and that you want him, maybe he will forgive you after a while and decide he still wants you. Tell him that you've learned a great lesson. But whatever you do, don't keep it a secret - the guilt will eat away your heart. Don't just break up with your boyfriend and say nothing - that's running away. You must face your mistake and learn from it. Cheating hurts everyone.
♥ Stephanie Lynn

Okay, I know it will hurt you really badly, but you need to tell him. The truth is always better. It would be way better to tell him and face the consequences than break up with him and give him no explanation why. That would haunt you for a long time and he'd be sitting around wondering what he did to you. After you tell him maybe you two can work something out. It's always good to ask for forgiveness and tell him you're sorry even though he may not want to talk to you.
Bianca

My advice is, if you love your boyfriend and you know he loves you, tell him. You're human, and we all make mistakes. No one is perfect! If he loves you, then he will understand and forgive you. But it will be a while before he can fully trust you again, and you will have to respect that. Just call him and tell him you need to meet him somewhere quiet to tell him something. Tell him first and foremost how much you love him, and that you hope he will understand the "stupid mistake" you made. Then just explain to him how things led to what they did.

Best of luck!!
Mia C.

I Stole Him but Now He's Back with His Ex

I have an ex that I can't seem to get over. It's a really long story about how we got together, but to make things short, I basically stole him from my former best friend. We went out for a year and a half, and we recently broke it off. He then got back together with his ex [my former best friend]. And I'm getting these weird feelings to get him back, and I've told him this. And he feels the same. He just doesn't want to hurt his current girlfriend. I have no idea what to do or say in this situation. HELP.
Hannah, 16

The guy says that he doesn't wanna hurt the girl he's with, yet he wants you. 1 of 2 things ... 1) He really doesn't wanna hurt that girl. 2) He just doesn't know what he wants. If he says those things while dating your ex bff, then you have to question what he's doing behind your back. Just talk to him a little more to find out what he wants. Tell him you're going to give him 1 week to figure it out. And if he comes back to the same thing, just forget about it and move on. Don't stay stuck on one guy forever, especially if he doesn't know what he wants. He isn't worth it!!

Good luck,
Mia C.

She Ruined Our Relationship ... grrrr

Well, I know I love this guy, but it's crazy. Well, I went out with him two times already. Well, I broke up with him two times. I know I'm in love with him. People didn't like us together, but it didn't matter to me what they thought. I haven't talked to him in a long time, though we made a promise that we would talk every night, even though we aren't dating anymore. The second time we were dating the reason why we broke up was because my best friend was in love with him. She was ruining the relationship, but he doesn't like her at all. He loved me. I broke his heart and mine. I never really saw him a lot. I didn't care. I never cheated on him. How do I tell my friend that I'm in love with him too? She ruined our relationship. Help! I just want to say I'm in love with you, Julian, but as for my best friend Kristen ... grrrr.
Kelsi, 13

Well, maybe you should talk to your friend Kristen and come to some boundaries. I understand why you're not together with him, because you don't want to hurt your friend, but tell her to think about it. But do remember that friends are worth more than any boy, and what you and your friend have is probably more than what you and this boy will ever have.
Bianca

A Story of Heartbreak

Okay, so where do I start? Last year in April I met this amazing guy through MSN Messenger! A couple months later we started dating, but then in June I found out he was cheating on me with a friend of mine, a reaaaaaally close friend. Of course I wanted to kill them both. When I heard the news, I was truly hoping for an explanation, but all I got was nothing! He didn't answer any of my phone calls or text messages, and I gave up.

But then the first day of school in September we talked, though not about what had happened. Then he saw the pictures of that first day. (I was looking GOOD as hell, I gotta admit :D ) Sooo he told me he was sorry, and that he really loved me, and wanted to get back with me. Well, as stupid as it might sound, I was in love, and so I thought why not? So I gave him another shot, and not even one month later he broke up with me and called the whole thing over. I told him, "Fine, then I wish you the best." The only thing he said to me was "ok", and just by that I was devastated. I mean, I loved the guy with all my heart and soul, and all I could get was an "okay"?

A year passed by really fast, and it was April again. I'd been dating this really cute and fun guy. I didn't care about him that much, and things just didn't work out for the two of us, and so I called it quits at the end of April ... Oh, I forgot ... I started talking to my ex again in October. He called me to wish me a happy birthday, and we started talking again after that. Anyway, in April I found out he was dating a not-so-good "friend" of mine aaagain. We talked about her all the time, and he seemed really worried about the other guy I had dated. A couple of days later he told me he broke up with her, and I was soooo happy :] ! I'd always known he would come back to me after all.

By May we started to flirt a little. I decided to finally confront him about what had happened last year, and he told me everything, and by everything I mean with details. I was sad but glad we had that talk, and so I wrote him a letter. After that he told me he really loved me with all his heart, and that I was perfect, and that he couldn't ask for more. He said that he messed up and he knew it, but he was afraid to lose me again, and he wasn't gonna let that happen.

And so I fell for him again ... for the 3rd time. Things were going wow ... magically great!! We were so happy, and I had what I'd always wanted - my man with me. That's all I ever needed :]

But in July I went to Canada to visit my aunt, and things weren't going so great between us. All of a sudden he just started acting all strange, and he didn't pick up my phone calls. I couldn't believe it, so I just stopped calling him, and the day before I got on the plane to Canada I was on the internet when a friend told me he was dating another chick named Katie. I couldn't believe it after all he had said. So there I was again ... another letdown. And now I'm without him while she's enjoying every part of him that I've just come to want and need =(

I know I'm supposed to hate him. My friends tell me so, but I just can't, because he had all those details I just loved! He was all I wanted. We were a match made in heaven, and the worst thing is he knows that! He knows he can't get anyone better. And I know somehow that he loves me. (Silly me!)

Just for once I want someone to tell me why the hell I'm loving someone who could hurt me in such a bad way. Some days I wake up thinking my life is messed up all because of that.

And even though I know for sure it's not, sometimes it just gets hard ... so hard ! =(

P.S. I'm still not over him!
Anna, 15

Wow, you have a lot on your mind, don't you? Let me start by saying that lots of people love the guys who hurt them. It just happens like that sometimes. He has hurt you quite a lot, as I can tell by what you've written. You've given him lots of opportunities to be with you, and I'm assuming that you've done everything you can to keep him around each time. I'm not sure I can make you feel any better about the situation, but I'll definitely try my best.

Your friends told you to hate him, and although I know that would probably be the best thing for you, it's not the easiest. I suggest that you stay friends with him and still talk to him ... when he decides he'd like to talk to you, since he has certain times when he stops talking. Just remain friendly. Obviously he means a lot to you, and you can't hate someone who's been that big a part of your life.

I realize that he means the world to you, I really do. The fact is that he's probably done more harm to you than good. I know it seems like you can't find a guy in the world who is better than him, but I promise you that you can. It's sad, but in life you're going to be hurt a lot. As much as you don't want to hear it, probably even worse than this by someone even closer than this guy.

What I think you should do is try your best to move on. It will probably take a lot of time, but try not to think of him. I mean, sure, every once in a while something will remind you of him, or you'll think of those little things he used to do, but time does heal scars.

Somewhere in this world there is a guy who is absolutely and totally perfect for you. He's going to make you smile and you're going to love everything about him. You just have to give him some time to show himself to you ... and he definitely won't treat you like this guy has.

I hope I helped.
Bethany

Wow ... when I saw this long letter I wondered why no one had answered it yet, but when I read it, I instantly knew why. And I was going to be one of those people, but no, I am going to be the one to tell you WHY ARE YOU LOVING THIS BOY!??? This boy OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT LOVE YOU! Okay!?

I am pretty sure he realizes how much he is hurting you (and you need to also), and he's doing nothing about it but leaving you. You don't need this kind of stress at 15 years old, and no one needs a boy in her life. You just want him so badly it might feel like without him you could never be, but I'm single and here and happy. No one needs a boy in her life. The first time was his fault, but the second and third was all you. Basically what it comes down to is leave him alone! GET OVER HIM. Believe me, I know it's hard, but it's even harder standing around getting hurt all the time and doing nothing about it, and then going back to him again. And if he comes back for more, PLEASE don't bother.
Bianca

He's Everything to Me ... & Has a GF

Ok ... There's this boy I REALLY seem to like. We went out for like 3 months and they still are the best days of my life. So one day we had this HUGE fight and we broke up!=( And the next day he had a gf ... So I was like ok ... UGH! It's been two months since we broke up, and we still talk to each other and we still hang out, and when we do, everything is absolutely perfect! I ignore everyone who wants to be with me because I want him =/ but knowing that he has a girlfriend really bums me out =( That guy means everything to me! He has the greatest smile and most beautiful eyes.

But most people say, "Well, he has a girl, so he doesn’t like you!" or "He just wants some," or "Don't be dumb - if he did, he would be with you and not with her!" Any help?
Tisha, 14

Even though it hurts, the best thing to do in this type of situation is to try to let go of the feelings that you have for him. I understand that it feels almost impossible to do, but the more you hold on to false hopes, the more you are going to hurt yourself in the end. This guy may be a good friend to you, but he obviously isn't boyfriend material. If he cared, he wouldn't have moved on so quickly and he would take your feelings into consideration. Also, holding on to your feelings for him may hurt your friendship with others. When you said you ignore others, that has to make them feel worthless, the way he made you feel when he had another girlfriend the next day. Try your best to do something constructive for yourself whenever you start to think about it. Just let him go. It's for the best.
Chelsea

An Awkward Situation

Okay, so I have this huge crush on a guy, but he is 15. At first, we talked a lot on Myspace, and it seemed that we had a lot of the same interests. He always posted bulletins like "I'm bored, let's talk"... so every time he posted one, I talked to him. I guess I was so in love that I didn't pay attention to how much I was really talking to him - every day. But that's not the problem ... The problem is that he is one of my brother's good friends. And apparently he and my brother told another one of their friends that I was talking to him a lot, and then that friend asked me about it. To make all of this worse, we are going to the beach for the 4th of July, and my friend found out who I like, and of course my crush is going on the beach trip too. I'm so afraid that my friend will tell my crush that I like him, and then things will be really awkward. What should I do?
Kara, 13

If you trust your friends then, trust that he or she won't tell. But if you really wanna make sure, just go ahead and tell him about your crush on him!
Mia C.