By Stephanie Lynn
My BFF Invited Everyone 'cept Me
Ok, so this Friday my friends are going to meet "Hannah Montana's" Mitchel Musso. The only problem is my friend invited, like, every single person but me. She always does this to me and I hate it. I want to talk to her about it, but she never listens. All she cares about is everyone else. It's not like I haven't invited her places. I brought her to, like, all my family/friend parties. I invite her out, like, everywhere, so why am I being left out now?
Well, I don't really know how to say this to you any nicer, but I don't think this girl is your friend. Because if she was your friend and a good one then she would have invited you. I mean, unless you don't like Hannah Montana and she thought that you wouldn't want to go, but still an invite would have been nice. But you really do need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how you feel and how you feel left out, and how you thought and still think you guys are friends. Maybe there is a misunderstanding, but you need to talk to her. And if it doesn't all work out, then I'm sorry, she is not a true friend and you can do better!
My Friends Think I Should Date My Guy Friend
Well ... my friends think that I should go out with my guy friend, Chris. I hate it becuz they say he and I talk and flirt a lot. I keep telling them we're just friends, but they just keep talking about him and me. And now I think I might actually like him. I am getting so confused now.
What should I do?
So sounds like peer (or friend) pressure to me. You've been pressured so much you're starting to convince yourself you like him to get them off your back. Well, Gabrielle, Listen to your Heart, NOT your friends. Now I'm not telling you never to listen to your friends, but if you know for sure that you and this guy are just friends then you don't need your friends telling you otherwise. Talk to your friends. Tell them to back off. Tell them you don't appreciate them constantly riding you about you going out with your friend.
First off, every girl who has a guy friend usually flirts. It's all part of building a relationship. What you need to do is care less what your friends say about dating and just ask yourself if you like him or not. It's all up to you. Your friends' opinions can only go so far.
Deep Breaths, Long Pauses, Huge Smiles,
Don't give in to the pressure of your friends, Gabrielle. I've had this happen to me plenty of times, and I can imagine what you're going through. It's like being forced into liking someone just because everyone thinks you should. I know it's tough, but you have to know how to not break under the your surrounding influences and decide for yourself. Imagine, if you go out with this guy and you end up not liking him more than a friend and it happens to ruin your friendship, how would you feel? Not that great. But then again, if you go out with him, and there is a spark, then you'll both end up happy people. It all depends on whether you want to take the risk or not.
Feeling Left Out
Ok, so my friend and I were really close. We hung out all the time and never got sick of each other. Then about 3 or 4 weeks ago this other girl I have known for a long time came into the picture. I was fine with this because we all hung out together and got along good. Well, now about 2 weeks ago, just the two of them started hanging out and not calling me. But yet they will say, "Oh, what are you doing tonight? Oh, well, you should come over. I will call you." Well, guess what? I never get that phone call.
I also am thinking that they are going to end up getting sick of each other, and then they are both going to come to me because they are sick of the other. But I don't know if I should let them talk to me or not. I don't know if it was something that I did or said, but I just don't get it. I have been thinking about just not talking to them. Please help. I am soo confused and don't know what to do.
If your friends aren't talking to you, just call 'em up and see what's happening. Sometimes friends get busy and forget to call you. I bet you've done it a couple times too!! Don't worry so much about it, just call 'em and find out what's been going on. See if they wanna hang out this week or something!! Try to include both your friends when you do something. That way no one feels left out!!
Kaylee, I hate to do this, but I'm gonna give you a darker possible scenario. (I hope I'm wrong.) Friendships change. People get cut out of the picture, excluded. It's the rotten side of human nature. It happens at any age, but more so as a teenager. It happened to me. Just as you make new friends, sometimes you lose them too. Everyone's trying to get ahead, or at least get through these difficult years. Often growth and success come at the cost of some friendships.
Try calling them up and getting together like Mia suggested. I really hope that's all it takes and it all works out. But if you continue to feel dissed, just come out and ask them. If they don't want to do things with you, remember, it's their loss too. Just like with boys, so it is with friends - there are always other fish in the sea. Learn to move on past disappointments. Don't let yourself get stuck there. You didn't fail, though perhaps your "good friend" failed you. And yeah, maybe eventually they will get sick of each other!! ;)
♥ Stephanie Lynn
Have you tried talking to them? This is always the first step in trying to solve something like this. You should tell them how you feel. Tell them that you have a problem with them not including you and dissing you all the time. If this doesn't work, then let them get sick of each other. Wait until they come to you. And when they do you shouldn't stoop to their level and ignore them when they need you. You should always forgive and forget.
Can This Best Friendship Be Saved?
I've been besties with this girl since I was 5. We just got in a fight
that may cause our friendship to end. I said that I thought her and her
new lover didn't make a good couple, and she flipped out and started
telling me how I'm not gonna be her friend again. I really don't want to
end the friendship. She also said really hurtful things to me. What
should I do to fix this?
First off, even though it's possible you may have been right, people
never react well to hearing that the person they like is a bad choice.
Be careful about saying that in the future ... or at least be careful
how you express it.
The best solution is to apologize. Yeah, she said some nasty things, and hopefully she will apologize too. But don't wait for her to start. Take the initiative. If the friendship is worth it to you, and obviously it is, then have the courage to save it.
♥ Stephanie Lynn
I agree somewhat with Steph, but at the same time you do have a right to express your feelings. Like Stephanie said, no one takes hearing this well. Don't feel like you can't express your opinion though, because how good of a friend would that make you? If you feel that she has made the wrong choice because he is abusive or she is in any harm, then that's ok. But if it's just that you and her "lover" don't get along, then that's something you need to work out.
If your friend is as close as you say you are, then maybe this will all blow over in a couple weeks. For right now I would just wait. Try talking to her and explain why you said what you did. Give her more understanding. Apologize even if you feel you’ve done nothing wrong - it always helps. No matter who it is, no guy is worth losing your best friend.
NEVER LET A GUY GET BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND :]
I Wanna Be Friends Like the Old Days
I've dated this guy for only about a month. We broke up after a stupid dance because I didn't dance with him. Now it's been about 4 months since the break-up. I try to have a nice conversation with him on AIM. He seems like he wants to talk to me, but something is holding him back. When we were like in 5th grade we were bestest buds. We shared secrets and everything. We stuck up for each other too. After our relationship we stopped talking. On AIM he talks to my BFF more than me. I want to be friends with him again like the old days, but I don't know how to tell him. Any suggestions?? Thanks!
I'm sorry about your breakup. I know it's hard though for guys and girls to be friends after a relationship together, simply because there are so many unsettled feelings. I know you want you guys to be like when you were younger, but it's not likely to happen. You need to talk to him about how you feel though, and see how things go. He's probably still hurt. You're doing the right thing by trying to start a conversation with him, but maybe he still needs space. Just talk to him if you can, and try to work it out.
Friend Expects My Support when She Gets in Fights
Okay, so at camp I have this friend named Nicole. She is pretty nice, but she can get really mean and get into a lot of fights with other girls. She's never mean to me though. And when she's in fights with people she expects me to support her. I don't want to get involved in it! Other people are starting to hate me because I hang out with her. Should I drop her as a friend? I don't know what to do.
That's a hard situation you're in, but do you know what I think the best idea would be in this situation? Talk to Nicole. Sometimes people fight because they're hurting inside. Have you ever heard the saying "Hurting people hurt people?" You need to talk to her and find out what's bothering her, and tell her how you feel about her fighting. Good friends shouldn't get mad at you for not supporting them while they fought. I'm glad you don't want to get involved. But after you talk to her, if it doesn't change, you need to really figure out what kind of friend you have.
Another piece of advice about people "hating" you ... It shouldn't matter what people think of you as long as you're true to yourself. Never drop a friend just because someone else doesn't like them. It's all in how they treat you and how the two of you carry your friendship.
I Made Her Popular ... Now She's More Popular Than Me
In 4th grade this girl Marisa wasn't popular at all. She only had a few friends. Then in 5th grade I felt bad, so I really wanted to be her friend so she wouldn't have to suffer. I let her meet my friends, and then she became really good friends with us. After a while she was popular. I was too, I guess, but then she became even more popular than me. After showing her all of my friends, and helping her make friends with them, and getting her a great boyfriend, I didn't even get a simple thank you. She doesn't even think about how I made her popular. Now all of the boys love her and barely any of the boys love me. Now I don't know what to do. Should I just forget about trying to be popular and pretty, or just keep trying so hard to be the best? Can you please give me advice? Thank you.
You met a girl and felt sorry for her? That's not really a great basis for a friendship. I can tell you this from experience - when you're out of school, the popularity you had won't matter anymore. Being popular isn't always the greatest either. There's plenty of fun to be had in just being you.
You want a thank you? Maybe she takes it as you helping her as a friend. How many times do you thank your friends? Not that often, because when we get into friendships we think friends are supposed to help us.
Honestly, it really doesn't matter which boys love you and which guys don't. I'm sure you're a pretty girl, but guys aren't everything. It's like popularity - it comes and goes. There's never really a point to it in the first place. You're 12 years old. I know right now that's the age when all dating starts, but take it slow and enjoy life. You need to make friends ... really good friends you can count on. Because when you have friends like that, popularity and guys aren't as important. No, you shouldn't forget about being pretty or popular, but I will tell you this - you don't have to be popular to be pretty. Don't worry about being the best. Focus on being yourself!
Most importantly, don't be jealous of that girl, because there's one thing you have to remember. You're something she can never be, and that's yourself. I really hope this helped.
I can understand why you would feel badly because you feel like she owes you, but you shouldn't try to be better than her. Just be you. If people don't like that then they don't matter. And about her ... If she doesn't appreciate all that you've done for her, then forget about her and live your life, and stop worrying about popularity and being pretty, because when it all comes down, that's not what really matters.
My BFF Flirts With Him
I really like this guy, and it seems like my best friend has a crush on
him too. She's told me a million times she doesn't like him. She tells
me she likes this other guy, and she tells me his name, but it seems
like she throws herself on the guy I like and she flirts with him all
the time. What should I do? PLEASE help me. I'm desperate!!
Confront your friend and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you really
like him, but you have noticed that she has been flirting with him.
A true BFF doesn't throw herself at your BF's. I agree with Stacie -
talk with her about it . Tell her you don't like when she does this. Ask
her to stop. If she doesn't, she's not much of a best friend now, is she?
♥ Stephanie Lynn
BFF Now at the "Cool Table"
My two best friends are mad at each other. One of them keeps going off
with this other cooler pair of friends, and she told my other BFF she
needed a break. She's been going to the cool table every day, and now my
other BFF is really sad, and things have been hard for her. What should
I do to help? I don't like seeing my friend like this.
Well, to start off with your friends, maybe you should have both of them
come over to your house for a little talk - get to know both sides of
the story and help figure it out. Or get together with both of them and
make a "pros and con" list about each either. I hope your friends will
get to be best friends again and I hope this helps! You'll be in my
About age 13 girls often change friends in the transition from
elementary school to middle school, and then to high school. (It happens
again after high school.) We're hurt when a friend disses us and hangs
with new fiends, and especially hurt when our friend is invited to join
"the cool kids" and sit at the so-called "cool table" at lunch, like
Cady in "Mean Girls". "Cool kids" is a just a perception, of course.
Five or ten years later the situation is often reversed - down is up and
up is down ... such is life.
Amber's advice to get together and talk is good. But if it doesn't work, hang in there. Other friends will come along for everyone. Read how my BFF dumped me for some "cooler" kids.
♥ Stephanie Lynn
My Guy Friend Is a Big Flirt
So I have this guy friend who is being such a jerk. He flirts with me (and his other girl friends) all the time, and he doesn't even see why it's wrong. I didn't even have any feelings for him. Heck, I'm not even ATTRACTED to him, but I started to like him just because I thought he liked me because he was flirting with me all the time. And then I found out he liked my best friend. Confusing. I ended up telling him this whole dilemma because he was starting to get confused about the way I was acting. He was really nice about it, but he still acts the same way, flirting and stuff. He said something like he wished he could've known that I was having a hard time with his flirting, so that he wouldn't end up hurting me.
And he STILL flirts. I don't get it. What am I going to have to do? Have this awkward conversation with him again? Stop hanging around him? Flirt back like I did before, but try to keep emotions uninvolved???
I think maybe the reason he keeps on flirting with you is because he thinks you feel the same way about him because of the way you react. When you smile at him or laugh when he flirts it gives him mixed signals. If he continues get a friend to talk to him. If it doesn't work maybe it's best for you to talk to him again. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and if he continues you can't be friends. He will listen to you if he really wants to be your friend.
My Friend Is Really Rude to Me
Ok, so lately my friend has been really rude to me, whether or not she realizes it. She has been cutting me off during conversations and leaving me out of everything. I have tried messaging her and all. She said was that I was the one ignoring HER, which is NOT true. What should I do?
You need to talk to her about this. If she doesn't understand, then she's not really a true friend.
If she doesn't want to listen to you, consider asking another friend she respects who sees this behavior to accompany you in a second attempt. BUT if you choose to do this, make sure you are super positive and kind, so she won't feel ganged up on and get all defensive.
♥ Stephanie Lynn
Will Going Out Ruin Our Friendship?
I have no idea what to even think about this situation right now. But I guess I'll start from the beginning. I met this guy when I was in the fourth grade, but we just very recently started getting very close ... in the friendship sort of way. And now a lot of people are telling me that I am very flirty with him, and he with me and that we like each other and have to go out. And the idea has been attacking my mind, and I don't know what to think about it. I am working on a huge school project with him right now that will continue into our last two years of high school [hopefully
(fingers crossed)], and I love this kid to death. I don't want to ruin our friendship over something like this ... and I think that I like him. WHAT SHOULD I DO???
You should tell him that your friends are saying you guys should go out, and ask him what he thinks about that. Or get one of your friends to ask him if he likes you.
And remember, going out sometimes can ruin a friendship. So be sure you consider this and talk about it together before you get too far.
♥ Stephanie Lynn
So Many Friends, So Little Time
I've just moved to a new school and it was great. I made TONS of friends
and they all like me. The problem is, I can't choose between any of
them. And now I think it's too late to choose a best friend cause
they've all gotten their own. Now I'm right in the middle, sometimes
happy as it stands, but sometimes lonely as they're hanging out with
different people. They don't think I'm new anymore since I've survived
my first term at their school, and I don't think I'll really get a
chance to really get a best friend. What should I do?
Try not limiting yourself to only a few friends. You shouldn't have to
choose between them, and you can always have more than only one best
friend! If girls already have their own best friends then join them and
be one too. If one of your group of friends has plans without you, then
hang out with a different group of friends. And if you really don't
think you can find a best friend out of these people, I'm sure there'll
be other people to talk to and befriend. Have fun with your new friends.
My BFF Copies Everything I Do!
Ok, so I have this friend. She has had her boyfriend for like almost 9
months now, I think. And now that school is out it's a big relief off my
shoulders, because when we were in school she used to completely ignore
me! She doesn't know how to handle having a boyfriend and a best friend.
:( I don't know what to do. She is way too obsessed with her boyfriend,
and I try not to be rude about it, but it just doesn't work. Any advice?
Ok, now problem #2. My best friend ALWAYS copies everything I do! Like if I get my hair cut, she gets her hair cut. If I get contacts, she gets contacts. If I get new pictures on MySpace, she gets new pictures on MySpace. And now it's really starting to get on my nerves because she never does her own thing! :(
Any advice on what I should do?
It can be hard sometimes when a friend pays more attention to a guy then
her friends. Have you ever talked to her about how much it bugs you?
Maybe she dosen't realize that it is upsetting you. And maybe you could
plan a few times a week that you two could get together and find
something fun that you guys could do, like maybe go shopping, so you
don't lose your friendship. Believe me, this helps. I sort of had a
situation like this, but only it was another one of my BFF's friends,
and we did this and then we were close again.
For problem #2, your friend probably admires you, and wants to be just like you. Don't be upset that she is copying you - be flattered! Even though it probably does get annoying, I think that she means a lot to you, and I don't think that you should be mad at her for it.
My BFF Said She Was Fine with It
Well, I have a boyfriend, and he is the best. I couldn't even think of anyone better. Well, here comes the bad part ... My friend was going out with him before me. I asked her before if she would mind if we went out, and she said it was totally cool, that they were both fine with it, so we started going out, and now she is kinda acting funny, and I don't like it. Should I dump him so I can keep my friendship with her? 'Cause I think that if I don't she might stop being my friend. Or should I be like "You should be happy for me cause I have had a really bad bf in the past"? HEEELLLPPPP
Although your friend said she would be fine with it doesn't mean it isn't kinda weird for her seeing you two together. This doesn't mean she is against you dating. It just means the situation is uncomfortable for her. She is probably happy for you and your boyfriend, but I would suggest backing off when you guys are around her. It will make her feel more comfortable.
Also sit down and talk with her. Let her know you've noticed that she is acting weird about the whole situation and that you don't want to lose her friendship. Also remind her that you did ask for her approval ... Is there something she wants you to do that she didn't say when you first asked? Like I said, it's probably that she is uncomfortable seeing her friend kissing her ex, and she just wants you to cut down on the PDA in front of her.
Good Luck, Lauren
BFF Now Goes to a Different School
Well, I've had my best friend for 2 years, and she used to go to my school, but now she goes to a different one, and I think I'm losing her. She has a Myspace, right? Well, she wrote stuff about her new friends, but I don't see anything about me, but when she calls or I call her, it's like nothing's happened. What should I do??
Yuling, first you need to be up front with her, and tell her how you feel. I have been in the same situation, and I didn't tell her how I felt, so our friendship started to fade away, and I know that you don't want the same thing to happen to your friend. So make sure you have open communication.
She Used Me
I have a problem with a friend. She used me to hang out with my older sister. I didn't have a friend to hang out with. What do I do?
Rihanna, talk to your sister about this. Tell her that she used you just to be friends with her. Then maybe your sister won't be her friend anymore because of what she did to you.
Old Friends vs. New Friends
Joining high school, I thought, hey everything is going to be great! It's high school, the best four years of your life, so everyone says. Well, I have my old friends and then two additions who I've just gotten close to this year. Turns out I have most of my classes with these two, and I'm finding it hard to cope. I'm getting dragged away from my old friends, and these two always seem to have a problem. If it's not one thing, it's another. They're depressed and they're bringing me down too.
What do I do? I want to spend more time with my old friends without hurting the two new ones. The new friends are depressed a lot and they're bringing me down too. I'm NOT having that High School fun! HELP! PLEASE!!
Well, Samantha, tell your new friends that you like hanging out with them and all, but you also want to hangout with your old pals! If you still want to be friends with your new friends and your old you need to learn to juggle both! You could also make a date for all of you guys to hang out and get to know each other! Maybe then your 2 new friends won't be as depressed! You should also help your new friends a little too. You don't have to tend to their every need, but just make sure they're doing ok and yet still make time to hang with your old pals.
And you just have to learn to have no worries ... high school is high school. Your friends will come and go, and they will definitely change! Believe me, I know! But just don't forget your friends who have been there since the beginning!!!!
My BFF's Moving in on My BF
Well, me and my boyfriend recently started dating like maybe 2 1/2 months ago, and our situation is weird. See, I have 2 best friends, t.t. & t.c., and he has two best friends, d.m. & d.d., and he and my best friend t.c. are also best friends.
Lately she [t.c.] has been hugging on him and she's even kissed him. I didn't wanna seem like I'm overreacting, but I'm trying to keep mah kool from whoopin her a**. She likes him, I know for a fact, and she gets mad when we are together. Should I break up with him and be kool on mah best friend, or should I stay with him 'cuz I really want this to work? She's getting in the way of what we have, and I don't wanna seem like I'm jealous for her and him being best friends. What should I do? Do you see trouble in paradise here?
This is tricky, but I think you should stick with your bf and tell your friend how you feel. If she really is your bff, then she wouldn't be kissing and hugging on him ... especially since she should know that you really like him! Maybe your friend is just jealous of you guys. She could just now be seeing another side of him that she kind of likes. But I do think you should stick with your bf and talk to your friend! I do hope it all works out!
Ok, my friend is telling me all sorts of stuff. At first I believed it,
but now I'm not so sure. I told her it doesn't seem real to me, but she
always says it's true. How can I tell if I am being tricked or being
told the truth??
TBC, 13 1/2
Do understand what it means to "suspend judgment"? It means to neither
believe it nor disbelieve it for a while. And it seems like that's what
you're doing. Lies become clear as time goes on. So does the truth. But
if you're really doubting her in your heart, there often is a good
reason for it.
♥ Stephanie Lynn
Me and my friend, we had a cat fight. My friends say she's talkin' sh** behind my back, so I went and smacked her, and she smacked me back. She called me a lot of bad things that hurt my feelings, but now she wants to be my friend. Should I accept her back or not?
Do you know the meaning of friendship, Fernanda? Quite a lot of people think that drama or the changing of levels, from jr. high to high school, for example, completely separates people. It's really the friends who choose to make these decisions about changing courses. If you honestly trust this friend who's talking bad stuff behind your back, and you know she trusts you as well, then why all the drama? If you know for sure, like 100%, that she's talking behind your back, and you really don't want to lose her as a friend, then talk to her. Seriously, talk to her! Don't have someone do it for you. If you're willing to risk having her as a friend again, then accept her. If you really don't want to, then politely reject her, saying that you need a break. I can't tell you what to do; you need to figure that out for yourself. I hope this helps clear you mind.
My BFF - Now She's Miss Popularity
I have a problem. This girl and I were the best of friends in sixth grade ... such good friends it was crazy! But earlier this year, she got mad at me outta nowhere, so we didn't talk for a few weeks, but then she apologized, but she didn't explain why she was mad in the first place! At the time I didn't really care. I was just happy things were back to normal. The problem is that things aren't the same. She's closer to a girl she met a month ago than she is with me, and she's also closer to one of my friends that I've known since preschool, and she's known her for like 3 months!!
The point is she's changed a lot, and I don't know what to do. She's been acting really conceited, and she's been acting like "Ms. Popularity' or something, and I feel like a loser around her for some reason. Well, I didn't do a very good job of explaining this, but I hope you understand how I feel and that you'll help me out.
I completely understand where you are coming from. Honestly, I have been on both sides of this situation. I have been the friend who gets left out and the friend who leaves someone out. So I can completely relate.
Well, let me start off by saying this situation has a lot to do with your age. It's common for kids your age to be changing friends. Often someone gets hurt, but it is the nature of the age. At your age people are getting used to so many changes and trying hard to be someone else and be their own person at the same time. And honestly, it just doesn't work because you are never comfortable with who that person ends up being.
Now I understand you are hurt and want things to be the same, and you don't see why it isn't, and can't seem to be. And I know it hurts and sucks.
What I can tell from what you've said, she got mad at you and won't tell you why, and things are still different even after you guys became friends again. From that it looks like you guys are just growing up and becoming your own individual people. Things are different because you are forming your own personalities now instead of remaining the same personality. Also, I feel that there is some tension still left over from your fight.
Forming your own personalities is a great thing because if you were so close you were problem before seen as one not as individuals and could never do anything without her approval. Hey, but now you are able to meet new people and join new things.
However, the leftover tension is something you should talk to her about. It may be something stupid like she heard a rumor you had said something whent in reality you hadn't, and now she keeps holding the grudge.
You guys shared many good memories together, so don't forget them. Let her know that if she ever needs you will be there for her. You guys will always be friends, but things are different now. You may still want it to be the same, but if it doesn't work out, you will never forget the good times.
My Friend is Sooo Popular - I'm Sooo Jealous
So I just met this new girl at my school. She's a really cool girl, down to earth, with lots of friends, and a really hilarious side! But ... there's one thing. She's really pretty ... and all the boys are like so crazy for her!! And then there's me. The "not so pretty" one. Hey, I consider myself luckier than most, but jeeze - this girl is pretty, skinny, and sweet! Sometimes I just can't help to be jealous of her!! It's driving me mad! I know I sound like a really shallow person, but I sometimes think I would rather be like her instead of me. Is it so bad that I'd rather be a cooler, funnier, all around pretty person?
You asked if it's wrong to be jealous. Well, jealous is never a good thing. However, I totally understand where you are coming from.
So my recommendation to you is that you confront your new friend. Explain to your friend how you feel. Tell her you feel bad about it, and it really bothers you that you feel this way.
This should make her feel good about herself that you see her so well, but this also should allow you guys to figure out things about your friendship and how to cope with this. Maybe even come to an agreement that she won't be all over guys as much or at least in front of you.
If she is as sweet as you say, she is she will understand and try and be more considerate about your feelings. If you never tell her, how is she ever going to be able to help you? Also, if you never tell her, this envy of her will just grow and possibly turn to hate because you want to be "her" so bad and have what she has. That's bad because it would ruin your friendship, and you seem to be very fond of your friendship.
Best of Wishes,
She's So Clingy!
My friend and I have been really close for about 2 years now,
and she has always been there for me when I needed her most.
She has always been a good friend, but recently she has gotten really clingy.
Every time I try to talk to someone other than her, she freaks out and either
gets really mad at me and pulls me away from the person I was talking to or pinches me.
I have tried to talk to her about it, but she doesn't seem to listen.
I really don't want to break the friendship, but I can't give her my full attention 24/7.
What should I do?
Being 14 can be a really insecure time - starting high school as a freshman,
body changes, guys, and quickly changing social patterns.
Some of us are not ready yet for what happens between 12 and 16,
so we cling to someone we feel we can trust. Of course, things cannot stay the same.
People change, circles of friends change, all of life changes.
Your friend may not be ready. I mean, who really is??
Try to explain to her about this.
Reassure her that you still want to be her friend,
but that she needs to let you grow and socialize with others,
and she needs to do so also. No doubt her biggest fear is abandonment and rejection.
I suspect she doesn't fit in as well as you do. Help her in every way you can.
Also, be firm and tell her that she needs to stop being so clingy and behaving badly,
for your sake, her sake, and the sake of your friendship.
♥ Stephanie Lynn
I'm Loud and Annoying
I have friend problems.
They either go out with the guys I have huge crushes on or they treat me like ****.
I suck at making friends as I am talkative and loud and annoying.
What should I do since I don't even have one friend that hasn't done this?
I don't know you, of course, but if in fact you are talkative and loud and annoying,
you have a big advantage over most other people who are talkative and loud and annoying
- at least you realize it. Realizing you need to adjust some of your social behavior
is the first step to improving your social skills.
Let's first look at what you can't do anything about:
your friends go out with guys you have huge crushes on.
The only thing to do is let it go and get over it.
As your social skills improve, you'll find someone good too.
Being talkative and loud and annoying is sometimes a call for attention
based on a person's insecurity.
One strategy you might want to try is to be mostly quiet,
and listen, smile, and make your friends and others around you feel like it's about them,
rather than you. If they say they did well on a test or they like a certain guy,
you quietly smile and say something like, "That's great, I'm happy for you."
Alyssa, you may need a personality makeover.
I'd like to stay in touch, and maybe I can help a little.
My hope for you is that you mature into the kind of caring person
everyone wants to be around.
P.S. Be sure to check out suggestion #6 in the "Dateless Valentine's Day"
article in SD Mag.
♥ Stephanie Lynn