ADVICE

Sweet Advice

By Stephanie Lynn



Relationships


My BFF Is All Over Him

There's this guy I like a lot, but my best friend who is a year older is always all over him when I'm around. It gets on my nerves. I let her know, but it ended up in this huge argument, and she ended up telling him I like him. How do I get her to stop being all over him?

Also, she ignores me in front of her older friends. How do I get that to stop? And how do I make it less awkward between me and him since he knows now?
Laura, 14

Laura, maybe she isn't a friend if she is ignoring you and trying to flirt with your crush. Stop hanging out with her, and let her get the picture that you're not liking what she is doing to you. If you think it's awkward to be around your crush, ask him if he wants to hang out at the mall, and ask him to invite a friend so it will feel less awkward.
Stacie


My Boyfriend Is So Conceited

My boyfriend is so conceited. All he cares about is himself. He talks about how other girls are hott right in front of me. But when me & him are alone it's so much different. He is so sweet. He is like another person! What should I do? (dump him?)
Kayley, 15

Hi Kayley,
I think that almost all guys are like that. Next time you are alone with him tell him how you feel. Tell him that if he doesn't start being nicer and not so conceited then you are going to have to end the relationship. If he really likes you then he will listen to you.
Stacie


It Hurts to See Them Together

I have this problem. My boyfriend broke up with me like a REALLY long time ago, like 6 months ago, but I still have really strong feelings for him. I've had a hard time dealing with it. He has a girlfriend now who is my friend, and it hurts to see them together. We're still really close friends, but I'm so confused. I don't know how to deal with these deep feelings I have for him.
Claudia, 14

Well, Claudia, I know exactly what you are going through. The same thing happened to me. He is what you call your "first love." And him still being around and dating your friend is not going to help you get over him. But what you could do is start hanging out with other friends, and somewhat keep your distance from him and his new gf. Start talking to other boys and doing new things! It is good that you guys are still good friends, but face it, being good friends with him is not going to help you get rid of your deep feelings! Now, if you still really like him and you think maybe he likes you still, then you can maybe tell him how you feel! But if you just want to get over him, I recommend hanging out with your friends and doing new things!
Stephanie M.


Now I Like Him Again

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I didn't like him anymore and things weren't working out. He was really upset, and I felt really bad about it. Well, he just got a new girlfriend, and it made me really jealous, and I like him again ... a lot. Problem: he has a girlfriend he likes, and I'm afraid my friends will disapprove, since they never liked him in the first place. I also think that if I go out with him again, then I'll stop liking him again. What should I do??
Amanda, 15

Well, for one, don't care about what other people think. Do what makes you happy. As for your ex, and you still liking him, well, it is probably just because he has a gf now and you are a little jealous ... which is perfectly normal. You're just not used to seeing him with another girl. I don't think you really like him. I think you just feel this way because you broke up with him, and to you it might seem like he got over you like that ... which is not always true. He could just be going out with this girl to make you jealous, and maybe he wants you back. But if you say he really likes her, then maybe he does. But don't do anything you will regret, because you could be right ... You may stop liking him or realize you don't like him! Just take it slow and see what happens and how you feel. Start talking to other guys ... and seeing what else is out there. I wish you the best!
Stephanie M.


He's 18, I'm 13

My daddy's on the fire dept, and so is this guy I like. Firemen's Day / Amy Allen Day was this past weekend, and he & I were flirting hella lot. Well, he has a gf & I have a bf && they were both at the fire dept. this weekend. My boyfriend is mad at me, and I know he has a good reason to be, and I'm kinda mad at myself for it. But Shawn [the dude at the fire dept] gave me like 349583045 hugs :) and kissed my forehead a few times (when his gf left & my bf was right behind me.)

The next day I saw him at Neptune's (a restaurant) with his gf, so I didn't speak to him. Then he called me, and he's like, "Why didn't you talk to me?" And I'm like, "Well, I don't want your girlfriend mad." And he was like, "Don't let her keep you from talking to me." And he tells me that EVERY night on the phone. He tells me he loves me, and he kinda shows it.

Well, he's 18. and I'm 13, and we dated before, but I told him I just couldn't date him no more, because of things people were saying about me. And I can't handle people calling me things because of that reason. He was 17 then, and I was 12. But I'm really mature for my age, so I go for older guys.

My boyfriend is 15. And he kinda gets pissed at me all the time. All of my friends are most likely guys, and they are all older, because they defend me and are always there for me. :)

So I went to my friend Victor's practice, and he's 17. That's why my boyfriend is currently mad at me, and idk why, 'cuz all Victor and I did was hug.

My parents haven't really said anything to me about liking and hanging out with other guys & whatnot. Daddy works at the jail, so you would think he would tell me not to do things and stuff, and I'm a daddy's little girl, ferrsuree! hahah Victor has been to jail before, and daddy likes him.

Humm, I just don't know what to do with the deal with Shawn. : /

There's more things that I just need to talk to someone about, and my friends either think I'm stupid or say sorry, but never any advice. :[

So I was wondering if you could gimme some advice on anything, and I don't care if its kinda mean or things I don't wanna hear, because I really do need to hear the right thing and get help.
Kaitlynn, 13

Dear Kaitlynn,
It's common at 12 or 13 to get a crush on an older guy, even flirt, or become friends. But there are many reasons having an 18 (or more) year old boyfriend is a really bad idea. I know that girls mature faster than boys in some respects, and so a 15 year old boy can seem really immature sometimes, but whether or not you accept it, you still a young teen too. You'll be a young adult in 5 years, but right now you're 13 ... and that's alright. Enjoy it!!

There are huge leaps of development which happen between 13 and 18. A lot happens between those years. There are reasons you shouldn't feed a newborn baby steak or ribs off the BBQ, and there are reasons 7 year olds shouldn't drink alcohol, right? Developmentally it's not the right time - they're totally not ready. They may feel ready, but they're not. Ten years from now, at 23 and 28, a 5 year age difference is like no big deal. At 13 and 18, it's a big deal.

Relationships between 13 and 18 year olds do not work out. They do not last. One reason (just one) is that many people he knows will harass him, and he will break up with you. You'll face social rejection too. Society has rules, and enforces them one way or another. He can go to jail for having relations with you. Even if that doesn't happen, friends will tell him it looks bad, and he looks stupid with a 13 year old. After a while, he will realize he needs someone closer to his own age. You will be hurt, and wonder why.

There is another problem too. Shawn has a girlfriend. On your Myspace you boldly state that you are a Christian girl. I've worked in church youth ministry. Three things I have learned and I have been committed to as a Christian teenage girl: 1) don't get involved with a cheater - someone in another relationship, but interested in you; 2) save your virtue for your future husband on your wedding day; and 3) stay away from relationships with adults, abusers, drinkers & druggies, and people with a lot of problems - they're not God's choice for you - they'll only hurt and abuse you. I'm 22 now, and I'm in a healthy relationship with a good Christian man ... and I'm happy.
♥ Stephanie Lynn


Cheaters

Okay, so recently me and my church youth group went to King's Dominion in Virginia. So there's this guy in my youth group that I have liked for a while, but I never really talk to him. I started talking to him more when we went on the trip, but what I didn't know until we got on the trip was that he was going out with one of my friends I cheered with.

But still he cheated on her with me. Okay, so I felt really bad, but I liked him so much I was like "Okay, nobody will find out", so I just kept on doing it. Well, when we got back to North Carolina, we talked like forever 'cuz while we were in Virginia we were holding hands and cuddling and all over each other. So then one day later he was talking to me and he was like, "I like you a lot." And I was like, "Yeah, I like you a lot too", so then he broke up with my friend and asked me out, and I was like "Uhh, I don't know". Then a couple hours later he was like "Do you know now?" And I was like "Yeah, I wanna go out with you".

So we started going out, and I was soo scared my friend was gonna like hate me forever since he cheated on her and then broke up with her for me. I felt like a bad friend for a long time and still do, but we only went out for 2 weeks and a day, but still the guilt kills me.

So then Monday night we broke up 'cuz I kept on hearing he was cheating on me. I was going crazy because it was soo annoying. I was just like Whatever. But I really miss him now. It's driving me insane. But then like that night I started going out with this boy who has been talking to me, and he started going back out with my friend, and then a day later I broke up with that boy, and he and that girl still go out. Then when I broke up with that boy, he got all my friends to hate me and cuss me out, and he called me a stuck up spoiled brat - I am a spoiled brat - but he called me stuck up, which is wrong, and then he had the nerve to call me a b****. But anyway.

So tonight I went to cheerleading practice, and he was there to see his gf. So yeah, she thought I was gonna like be soo mad at her, and try and start something, but we got along fine. But I'm having really big problems getting over him, even though I broke up with him. I really miss him soo much. I hate seeing him with her, but I want him to be happy even if he's not with me. I still want him soo bad, but as long as he's happy, I'm willing to suffer.

I just don't know what to do anymore because he told me he loved me, and I really do love him. So yeah.

I really need help because I don't know what to do, and I miss him sooo much. I'm going crazy inside, and even my mom has noticed that I've been all depressed lately. Like 3 guys have asked me out now that I'm single, and I said no because I miss him so bad. I just don't want anybody but him. Help me pleaseeeeeee.
Brittany, 15

Dear Brittany,
It sounds like an episode of a soap opera, an exciting tale with lots of red hot action. "One Tree Hill" meets "Desperate Housewives". Everyone's cheating on everyone, with plenty of guilt, break-ups, fighting, and name-calling to go around.

The good news is that you're 15. In a couple years you'll hopefully grow out of this phase. You can mature even a bit sooner if you can learn a valuable lesson from all this.

What goes around comes around. You go to church youth group, right? I did too, and I still work with teens in that setting. The Bible says that, whether good deeds or bad, you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7). The person who welcomes a cheating guy (or girl) usually then gets cheated on. A cheater is a cheater, so don't be surprised when your number is next.

It's not so bad. At least we're not talking about marriage here. But the habits of faithfulness and honesty which I'm sure you're taught in your church youth group are healthy relationship habits begun at an early age ... even if a lot of other people, adults and teens alike, are cheating on each other right and left.

So now you're hurt. Time will heal that. Okay, maybe it's for the best - giving you time to consider the faithful character you should want in a true boyfriend, and the character God wants to develop in you. Here's a pledge, if you're interested:

I will commit myself to being honest with my BF's and BFF's, and always faithful, avoiding the kind of drama that comes with cheating and getting involved with cheaters.

Let me know how it works out.
♥ Stephanie Lynn



Crushes Don't Last That Long

Okay, so I am like in love with a guy. I've liked him for about 3 years. (Crushes don't last that long.) Last night I texted him and told him. He said that he liked this girl who goes to school with me, and that he didn't like me.

So then I called him. He told me not to be mad, but that he doesn't like me because he's never heard of me being with a guy (as if I were gay). And then I started to cry, and I said that the only reason I haven't said yes to anyone who's asked me out is because I was in love with him. Then I hung up.

I'm going to his house this afternoon. But I don't know what to say to him or how to deal with it. Please, can you help me? I don't know what to do.
Hannah, 15

It's an unfortunate thing, but I've learned that you can't make someone love you, even if you're the better person. You're best moving on.

I know what one girl did though, but I'm not sure I can recommend it. She hung just close enough that when he grew up a little, he changed his mind and realized she was the better choice. But you can't stalk him or come off as desperate or clingy. You need to move on with your life. As for me, once I was in a committed relationship with someone, some others who had ignored me suddenly got a whole lot more interested. (But by then they'd missed their chance!)
♥ Stephanie Lynn


Watch Out for This Guy

There is this guy I like, and I went out with him at the beginning of the school year, but we ended up breaking up. Well, yesterday I walked into the band hall, and he was in there, and my band director was gone, so he kind of motioned for me to come to him and give him a hug. He held me for a couple minutes, and when I looked at him he kissed me.

After we finished kissing, I told him that it wasn't fair for me, and he told me that it wasn't fair for him either, but he had to do it. Well, I just kind of blew that off because I was excited that he'd kissed me again. But 15 minutes later, with our band director back and about 10 other people there, another girl walked into the hall, and he was all over her, and even smacked her butt.

I was already confused about that, but then today when I was talking to a close friend of mine, she told me that he was all over her and was hugging her and stuff, and she was really upset because I told her what had happened between him and me, and she felt awful.

I can tell she likes him, and I am more worried about her than myself because I am a senior and I am graduating in 29 days, but she still has 3 more years with him (they are both freshman), and I really don't know what to do. Do you have any opinions or thoughts about my situation? I am just so confused about him.
Ashlee, 17

Hi Ashlee,
It appears from what you're saying that he doesn't understand some things about appropriate boundaries and acceptable social behavior. His male hormones are raging, and that's normal at his age, but either he's still too immature to know what's appropriate, or else he may have bigger issues. I think you need to speak with a counselor or teacher you trust. It may just be the immaturity of a normal, healthy 14 year old boy, but it may be more serious. Let an adult you trust decide what to do.
♥ Stephanie Lynn


My BF Got His GF Pregnant

Hmm ... where do I start?? I love this guy && he says he love me, but he has a girlfriend, and they think she's pregnant. He says that won't change the way he feels for me, but the thing is he's trying to become a model && he might be going away for a long time, and I don't think I could live without him. What do I do?? Please help me!!
Annette, 15

Hey Annette!
Think about this for a second. If he has a girlfriend (and not only that - she might be pregnant) and he is still telling you he feels something for you, how do you think he would act if y'all started dating? He would be flirting around with other girls too. Not only that, but if he got his girlfriend pregnant, they would be a part of each other's lives for a very long time. I know how it feels, but I would try to find someone else. Because he might not be available for a while, and you don't want to wait around for him to make the first step. Date around and have fun! Good Luck!
Ashley


He Won't Kiss Me

Okay, so I have this boyfriend. and I like him a lot, but I think he thinks I don't like him anymore. We have held hands and hugged, and everyone says he wants to kiss me, but he won't. And he is moving when school gets over. I really want him to kiss me and hold my hand more. I feel like he doesn't like me anymore. But now people are saying that he wants to and stuff, but he thinks that I don't like him, and all that stuff. I don't want to make the first move. What should I do?
Calista, 14

The best thing to do first is ask him about it. Tell him what you've been hearing about this, and ask if it's true. Ask if he believes you don't like him anymore, or if he's not into you anymore. In the case that he thinks you don't like him anymore, I have a suggestion. I understand you don't want to make the first move, so I advise you to very subtly ease into a few gestures. I don't mean to get 1950's housewife on you, but be at his side and be there when he needs you. As obvious or unobvious as you want, really show how much you care about him. This will let him know you still like him, and he'll feel more secure about your relationship. With that, he'll be able to get closer to you, just as you want. I hope it works out. :]
Jordan


Your Ad Here

Too Young for Love?

Me and my boyfriend go to different schools. My mom only lets me see him on the weekends, and our parents think were getting too serious. We've been dating for almost 4 months now, and before we started going out I had liked him for a REALLY long time. But all of our parents think that we're getting way too serious about each other, and they believe we're too young to fall in love, and that it's never gonna last. Should I listen to them or try to hold my ground?
Samantha, 14

If I were you, I'd hold my ground. How serious can you guys possibly get if you only see each other on weekends, right? And it's not your fault if you guys are serious about each other. Love is uncontrollable. Falling in love really has nothing to do with how long it is going to last. He may possibly be your first love, but it's not like you're going to marry him or something. So if you think it's true love, worth all the grief from your parents, then go for it. Who cares what they think when you know for sure that it's real?
Elizabeth


Should I Dump Him?

Ok, my boyfriend ... I don't know where to start. I love him, but he will not talk to me in front of his friends. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him, but he won't talk to me and he won't call. It's always Myspace or texting. I've stopped texting, and now he just doesn't talk to me. A lot of my friends are telling me I should dump him. What do you think I should do?
Jessica, 14

Well, this is a sticky situation. You care about him, so you don't want to leave him, but your friends think otherwise. What I think is probably not what you want to hear, but I have to agree with your friends, based on what you have told me.

The first thing that caught my eye was you saying he will not talk to me in front of his friends. If he cared about you he wouldn't care what his friends thought. He instead would be happy to show you off in front of them.

The second thing to catch my eye was that he won't call. You say you love him, but talking is a key factor in any relationship, be it friendship, or love, or even family.

The third thing that caught my eye was about Myspace and texting. Myspace and texting are not the only way you should communicate in a relationship. Not even if you're in a long distance relationship.

The fourth thing you said that I noticed was "Now he just doesn't talk to me." Just because you aren't texting he won't talk? Honestly, he is just being immature. He should be able to call you and say "Hey what's up? I haven't heard from you today or yesterday."

I do feel your friends are looking out for you, and even though you may care about him a lot and it may not be what you want to hear, I feel it's in your best interests to break up with this guy.
Sincerely,
Lauren


Why is He Acting This Way?

Okay, so there's this boy, right? And I've liked him for a year, and we used to be really good friends, and we would hang out and stuff. But slowly we stopped talking to each other and I don't know why. Now we don't even talk and he doesn't even try to. It's almost like he doesn't want to. I don't know what's going on and why he's acting this way, but it's driving me crazy. I think he listens to what his friends say too much. But I just want to talk to him and see what's going on, but I don't want to when he's with his friends. Should I try to talk to him or just forget it?
Natalie

I think you should talk to him! Now, this is my opinion - ask anyone in school - I have the loudest mouth EVER! But if something is bothering you, ask him. Go up to him and be like "Can I talk to you later when you're not around everyone?" Or something along those lines. Call him too - that might be easier. Say something like, "Are we still friends? Because you have been acting weird lately".

See what he says. Maybe he likes you and is awkward around you! You never know! Good luck! I hope everything turns out great.
Kate <3


He Says He Needs a Break From Our Relationship

Okay, I have this problem. We have been going out for 6 months. He says he loves me and would change anything for me, but as things get further it seems as if he really does do things behind my back with this other girl. He once said that he needs a break from a relationship, and it just tore me down. I really like him, and I donít know what to do. Please help! So is it that he doesn't love me anymore or is it that he still loves me but needs alone time??
Lovely, 14

The reason people don't get married at 14 is because it takes a high level of skill, maturity, and commitment to maintain a serious relationship over a long period of time. Many adults can't even do it, as I'm sure you've noticed. You want a steady relationship, but he appears not to be ready. Maybe he needs to date others, socialize with others, and not feel locked into an everyday relationship. He may still really like you, but just not be ready for anything too serious at this point.
♥ Stephanie Lynn


Your Ad Here

I Want to Meet This Guy

What do I do? ... There is this guy I like, but the weird thing is I haven't even talked to him. He is really hot, and I want to get to know him. I don't know what to do. He rides my bus, and I think he likes me because I didn't even know him till he asked to be my friend on Myspace. Sooo what do I do?
Jazzimine, 16

Obviously, you can either wait for him to approach you, which might never happen, or you can act first. If you decide to approach him, you do have one thing to break the ice with. He invited you to be his friend on Myspace, which might mean something ... or nothing ... or anything, but at least it's a starting point for a very brief conversation.

Always remember, Jazzimine, guys like girls who are hard to get, and they don't respect annoying, smothering, stalker types. If he doesn't appear interested, don't push it. You can't make him like you.
♥ Stephanie Lynn


NOW He Talks!

So I went out with this guy for a couple months. He never talked to me or anything, so I dumped him. Now that boy sits by me in math class and talks to me non-stop! I think I'm falling for him again, but I'm going out with one of my really good friends and couldn't ever break his heart. What should I do?
Indika, 13

He never used to talk and now he talks nonstop ... No big surprise there. People change a lot between 12 and 16. You're changing too.

Since you can't go out with two guys at the same time, maybe it's best to try just being friends for a while. There's no need for a mad rush here. Take your time, and things like this will usually sort themselves out.
♥ Stephanie Lynn


He Picks on Me

I have this problem. I really like this guy. I think I love him & I don't know what to do. He hasn't said he likes me, but he always like picks with me & he has nicknames for me. Well, I told him last year that I liked him & he didn't ever say he liked me back. But I am crazy about him & I don't know what to do or say to him. I don't know if he is picking on me or if he likes me, because usually when guys pick like that it means they like you. idk, so what should I do? Does he like me or not?
Cheyenne, 16

Well, Cheyenne, what I would personaly do would be to get one of your friends that he knows and can talk to and trust, and have them ask if he likes you, or talk to one of his friends and ask. That way you kinda have a hint.
-Allison


How Can I Tell?

I have a guy friend who is in some of my classes at school. He's really nice, and we flirt a lot, but I can't tell if he likes me. How can I tell?
Sammy, 17

Well, ask him if he maybe he wants to hang out, and when you hang out, see if he wants to have friends or just the two of you. After chillin' with him you can usually see what his intentions are. Flirting is always good, but don't scare him away by coming on too strong or asking if he likes you right away. Just go with the flow of things and see where they go from there. Hope this has helped :]
Steph B.


Crying Over Him

For a long time I've liked this guy, and I've wished so many times that I was with him. It's been so hard to get over him because every now and then we catch ourselves looking at each other at the same time, and catch one another talking to other people. Like me talking to boys and him talking to girls. IDK, but he's always going out with way too younger girls. Just before he had started going out with people we were really good friends, and we hung out and talked a lot. And I'm able to talk to him about anything that comes to mind and he'll listen. That's the kind of guy I need in my life! Since I have little problems such as looking different, I feel like it might be a case of him not saying anything to me anymore ...

I cry so many times a night wishing that I was with him ... Is it love when you care so much that you can't go to bed without hearing his voice, going to almost all his games, buying him things on special holidays? I think so! So what should I do to get past him?
CJ, 16

I know exactly how you feel, so don't feel alone! I have a guy friend right now that I can trust the same way and everything. I buy him gifts, or if I don't have the money, make a card for him on holidays, as I do for all my girlfriends. I did like him for a long time, but I came to the conclusion that the only reason I liked him was because he was the only guy that I could trust and tell things to. Also, if I went out with this guy, would our friendship be the same afterwards? Probably not. So, to get rid of him, why not try spending some more time with some other guys or girls? You can become their friends, and then maybe he will approach you and say something. You never know. All I know is that when you have a guy friend that you like a lot it is hard to get rid of that feeling. If you have any other questions please message me by way of Sweet Designs.
GOOD LUCK !
Kate <3


She Won't Believe Me

Ok so me and this girl have been friends since 1st grade, and now that were in high school there's these 2 guys who like her. Well, about 5 days ago my other friend overheard one of the guys who likes her saying "I'm gonna hit it pretty soon", so we tried to tell her what he was saying. She didn't believe us - not only that this guy has tried to take advantage of other girls, but he has been asking my friend to go drink with him by the creek. So me and my friend finally gave up on trying to tell her and just started hanging out with other people because that guy was telling her stuff to get her mad at us. Finally yesterday the two guys who like her got into a fight. and now for some reason they all are mad at me... What should I do?
Janette, 14

Clare Booth Luce once wrote "No good deed goes unpunished." You tried to help your friend, and now everyone's mad at you. What should you do?

Nothing. You tried. You warned her like a good friend. Now she'll have to learn for herself.

He has her ear and her heart right now, and she doesn't want to hear anything bad about him. So Janette, if you pray, then pray for her. And still try to be friends. If he really is bad for her, maybe she'll see it and break up with him. But for now there's nothing more you can do.
Stephanie Lynn


I Don't Know How to Tell Him

Okay, so I really like one of my friends. He's one of my close guy friends, and I've known him for about 2 years. I don't know how to tell him that I like him. I don't want to ruin our friendship because of this. I don't know if I should tell him or if I should just leave it as it is ... I'm sooh confused. What should I do? <3
Liliana, 15

He probably already knows you like him because you've communicated this nonverbally. (On the other hand, guys can sometimes be, like, duh.) Telling him everything you feel has a very real chance of damaging the friendship, especially if you want more and he doesn't. It might make him feel uncomfortable.

Me? I'd leave it like it is for a while. You know the old saying: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Maybe later he'll be ready for more, and he'll indicate this either directly or indirectly. No matter what you decide to do, don't scare him away by coming on too strong. He may just want a "girl friend" right now, not a "girlfriend".
Stephanie Lynn


Can't Get Him Outta My Head

I have this friend. She's not my best friend, but we are pretty close. Well, she's going out with the boy I like adore. Me and him went out, but I was stupid and broke up with him. : / And I love him like soo much and I've told her this like a million times. But she just doesn't seem to care. I hate it when she always talks about him and is always like ohh he's the best boyfriend ever and i love him soo much and stuff. I want to get over him soo bad, but it's soo hard. Every time I try to like someone else he just pops in my head. Every time I think of another guy I see his face. I don't know how to get over him, and I think it might help if me and her weren't friends, but I don't wanna lose a friendship over a guy. I dont know what to do. : /
Jessica, 14

Tough position to be in. At least you realize your mistake, and that will help you appreciate the next really great person in your life. To be honest, there isn't really anything you can do, except wait ... and wait ... and wait. Maybe they'll break up someday, and maybe you'll get another chance. Or maybe when they finally break up, he'll be interested in somebody new. Sometimes we get second chances ... often we don't. Be sure to learn the life lesson here: appreciate what you've got while you've still got it. Appreciate your true friends and family that way too. Thankfully, you're 14. Other nice guys (and a lot of not-so-good ones) will come along.
Stephanie Lynn


The New Dude at School

Alrighty.. I need advice.. K.. So we got a new dude to our school last month and me and him are friends, but yesterday he put his hand around me [ppl do that for fun] and I put my arm around him. And we did it today again but as we do that I like him sorta. But my "friend" says that we go out when we don't. Should we go out?
Krisdy, 13

If you put your arm around him, it's not surprising that he would conclude you're going out. If you just want to be friends, tell him that. If you want to go out with him, tell him that. You may have sent him a confusing nonverbal message. Explain what you want with words. And, of course, be kind. As for whether or not you should go out, that's entirely up to you. Sometimes a good friendship that lasts for years is better than a romance that last for days, as often happens in middle school and early in high school.
Stephanie Lynn


Does She Mean It?

My girlfriend always says "I love you" 2 me, but when she says it, it duznt sound like she means it... how can i tell if she duz??
Victor, 14

As simple as this sounds, you can always ask her. Remember, at your age, relationships and feelings are being tested. She may not be sure exactly what she feels, and if she is sure, her feelings may change tomorrow or next week. This is true for you too. So relax, and don't take it too seriously. Above all, don't push her into anything more serious than she's ready for.
Stephanie Lynn


Is 22 Too Old?

Hey ... I need some advice. Last weekend I was drunk and made out with this boy who is totally out of my league - SO hott - that I have liked for a while. The night I made out with him he told me that he liked me, and I could kinda tell that he did like me just from they way I would catch him looking at me all the time and how he would act around me. But ... he's 22 and I'm 15. But it's not as weird as you think. I'm very mature for being 15. All my friends are 17 and older (not intentionally - I don't reject someone just 'cuz they are younger than 17), and no one ever knows I'm 15, like when I tell people I'm 15, they don't believe me.

But here is my real problem ... The day after we made out I was at a party with him and I was drunk (again) and all I wanted to do was kiss him, so he came over and gave me a hug. (We always just randomly give each other hugs because we looooove each other's hugs), and I kissed him, but he pulled away and said, "I can't," and walked away. But I could understand this cause a lot of his friends that are his age were there, and I know he didn't want to be seen kissing a 15 year old.

Later on we moved the party to my other friend's house and we were all just hanging out, and I walked down into the basement to see who was down there. The only one down there was the boy I like. When he saw me he said, "Come here, I need to talk to you." So I walked over to him, and I can't really remember all that happened (cause I was drunk), but he basically told me that he didn't want to do anything with me (not have sex, just make out) because of my age. But he did say he still wants my hugs. =/ not as good as kisses.

But all my friends were discussing what had happened (including one of the boy's close friends) and they think that he DOES like me, but he just is afraid of age related problems like statutory rape and my parents not liking me with someone so much older.

Sorry for writing you a novel - lol - but here is what I need advice on: What should I do about this boy? I like him A LOT, and if he likes me too I don't wanna just let him go. What should I do to make him forget about our age differences and just do what makes him happy? I really hope you can help me because I am TOTALLY lost ... and a little heart broken.
Andrea, 15

You've kinda answered your own question, though you may not realize it. What I mean is, you've talked about some of the very real problems with a 15 year old having a romantic relationship with an adult. What I'm gonna say you might think is not cool or exactly what you want to hear right now, but I'm sure it's the way you'll feel too in a couple years. A 7 year age difference might not be any big deal if you're 24 and he's 31. Then it's legal, and even if some people gossip, well, it's their problem.

But at 15, it's different. Trust me, it really is. He knows this, and that's why he's been behaving this way. In fact, if he doesn't push you away, he's sliding down a very dangerous slope toward social rejection, and worse, jail time.

I'm sure he actually likes you, maybe even a lot. But if he kisses you, he knows sex is probably next, then social rejection, then your parents or one of your friends or his friends calling the police. I mean, he's probably seen Chris Hansen of Dateline NBC do those "To Catch a Predator" shows. Even if not, deep down inside, he knows it's illegal and wrong.

Anyway, if you're wondering whether it can work out long term, listen to these words:

1) "I kissed him, but he pulled away and said, 'I can't,' and walked away."

2) "I know he didn't want to be seen kissing a 15 year old."

3) "He just is afraid of age related problems like statutory rape and my parents not liking me with someone so much older."

4) "When he saw me he said, 'Come here, I need to talk to you.' So I walked over to him and I can't really remember all that happened (cause I was drunk), but he basically told me that he didn't want to do anything with me (not have sex, just make out) because of my age."

This is his heart and conscience talking.

The thing is, you need to help him do the right thing. I mean, I'm sure any real guy would want someone like you, so maybe you can wear down his resistence in time. BUT you really don't wanna do that, 'cuz then he will feel guilty, and push you away all over again, and hurt you even worse.

Why? 'Cuz deep down inside he knows it's wrong. And he will have friends who will remind him of that. And even if it works for a night or a week or so, it will not work out for you long term.

If you want an older guy, try one who's 17 and legal. Or wait till you're 18. Guys can be very immature at 15, and so I can understand you wanting someone older. But a relationship with an adult will hurt both of you.

Andrea, I want to continue this with you, and I want to be your friend. A true friend sometimes tells you things you don't want to hear 'cuz they care.
Stephanie Lynn





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